


Crybaby

by Noctomata



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: AU, Allen bartender, Alter Universe, Angst, Catcanpy, Childhood issues, Disfunctional pairings, Emotional Trauma, Forgive Me, Jealousy, M/M, Non-exorcist, Not Canon sorry, Past Yullen, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Songspiration, Student!Allen, Teacher Lavi, Teasing, This is a remake for a trash i made 8 years ago, Tho not a song fic, Timcanpy cat, Trainer Kanda, Unaware they like each other, Unresolved Issues, Violence, Working on emotions, Yeah angst its what i do to live, again sorry, also, laven, lol, lots of teasing, modern!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 62,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noctomata/pseuds/Noctomata
Summary: Allen and Kanda have been juggling their relationship for a year and a half now and things aren't as good as they could be.Allen doesn't know what to do and thinking about breaking up at all makes his world crumble down in guilt and shame.His head is a mess as well as his heart and with his bartender work at night and school at day, he barely has time to even try to order his own thoughts.But what will happen when Yuu leaves for work two weeks leaving him with his more-than-charming best friend, Lavi?A librarian its said to be good with tiding everything up and ordering stuff, you just have to let him in.





	1. Carousel

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to you who are still looking for D.Gray Man content. I salute you, you guys are restless.  
> Hoshino works hard but the fandom works harder. (?)
> 
> Well this is actually a self-indulgent fanfiction, as I am fixing what I messed up 8 years ago so...if you like it thats an extra for its purpose! 
> 
> Since you are here I hope you enjoy it. I must clarify that this starts as a Yullen, for the sake of the plot but it will evolve as Laven. I don't know how long it will be and Im not sure if I will be uploading as frequently as my other proyects, so I apologize. 
> 
> Thanks for passing by!

_“I love you.”_

Life wasn’t been as nice to him as to many people. He had a troubled youth, filled with poker houses and bad decisions.

He stared as his hands, back and front. One perfect and pristine, one stained with a disgusting scar that went all the way up to his chest left side.

Was he allowed to have second thoughts about all that?

Allen didn’t know. He wasn’t very sure how everything worked.

Was he feeling like that before? Or that particular thing started that day? Maybe he was getting sick.

Maybe that was why he was getting that foreign vertigo sensation that swirled around his empty stomach, stretching its long black arms and threatening to grasp at his throat.

 **Vertigo**. Something he forgot existed since he was 4 and his _step-father_ asked him to leave the apartment by the window when he had _visitors_.

An apartment in the seventh floor, that was.

So, it was either adapting or having a heart attack at a _very_ young age.

 

Yeah, maybe he was sick. After all, he couldn’t be sure that everything he had ate at the school cafeteria was fine.

He sighed and put his gloves on again. There was no one in the flat that could say something about the way they looked, but he just didn’t feel like looking at them himself.

_“Or maybe you aren’t sick, and you know this is all about him.”_

He was about to got up from that _stupidly_ comfortable sofa, when the annoying voice in his head said that. The effort was just too much now, and he let himself sink again in the furniture.

His white hair, thin but abundant followed his movements like fathers, some strands falling over his face in a painfully slow motion.

\- Shut up. – There was no one there. But being all those years alone, Allen didn’t have more choices than to learn to accept the voices as company and talk to them as well.

At least he was aware they were part of him and not _a God sent_ , as his therapist (who may or may not be ditched almost every time they settled an appointment) asked.

_“Come on, buddy. You know what’s happening. You are doing it. You are slowly stopping to love him. As you always do.”_

\- Fuck you, I don’t do that. – He interpreted the silence on his mind as defiance and blew air to push away the hairs that were on his face. Specifically, over his nose. – I don’t! Everything is fine! –

The voice didn’t say anything back, but his heart did. It felt like someone squeezed it; like a big fat lemon that refuses to give his juice.

\- Everything is fine. – Almost a whisper. He was staring at his gloved hands again, the sun light that leaked like ethereal champagne by the glass door that went to the balcony caressing the right side of his face and his lap. Just lazy twilight light that didn’t want to leave.

_“Then, just say you still love him.”_

Allen frowned. He did that every day.

_“Oh? Do you? Really?”_

He hated the condescending tone that that voice sometimes acquired. It reminded him of his step-father. His annoying smug smile that curved around that bloody cigarette and those eyes that accused him of being stupid as a dead turtle. He hated it.

 He didn’t answer to it. Instead thinking of every time he told Yuu he loved him.

The uneventful week they just had displayed on his memory. In a fast forward, analytic video, he stared looking for those times.

Times that weren’t there, to start with.

He blinked several times. The vertigo hand finally playing to strangle him. His gray eyes clouded with tears at the corner, the salty announcement of his guilt.

_“You don’t tell him you love him anymore.”_

It was true. He didn’t.

Allen was pretty good at lying, but he wasn’t that great at lying at himself. Maybe that was the price to pay; when you are too good at something, it just doesn’t work with you anymore. Like voodoo.

He put his head on his hands, rubbing them on his face in a habit that he always brought up when he was emotionally tired.

Has he loved him at _all_?

Yes.

Did he _still_ loved him, after everything it happen?

He wasn’t sure.

Love was pretty complicated sometimes.

Was every love meant to last forever? He thought about his other friends dating different people and decided it didn’t.

Was he allowed to change lovers after who he was? He drew a sharp breath and without really addressing it, he thought he probably wasn’t.

When do love transforms in apathy? Which is the moment where everything vanishes? Is there a certain point, when you can mark it with red circle and say “ _It was exactly here. This was what made me stop loving him.”_?

Probably there wasn’t.

As far as Allen thought it was like getting drunk on vodka. You had one glass after another and everything was perfectly fine. Until you got up to leave or to the bathroom and everything started spinning around like the top cart of a wild game in the carnival. And it hit you, _fuck_ _I’m drunk._ But it was too late to do much.

He remembered when Yuu asked him out.

_\- If I win I want something as a prize. I’m getting tired of training with you without having something back. It’s a waste of time. –_

_He was confused. He payed the gym fee on point every month. Did he had to pay a special fee for training kick boxing? Was he getting advantage of his handsome teacher?_

_\- Oh, okay then. – Allen smiled to him, starting to feel ashamed of not knowing about that fee._

_Of course, Yuu beat him. He was taller, he was faster, more experienced and he distracted him a lot with his fancy long pony tail and his determined black eyes and elegant movements._

_After five minutes he was laying on his back on the floor, covered in sweat and out of breath._

_He was never self-conscious before that day, when he saw Yuu face over his, decorated with an incredible arrogant (but sexy) smile and he realized he probably looked like a hot-mess._

_\- Uh… well I guess I have to pay. – He mumbled, thanking that his cheeks were already red because of the training._

_\- Yeah. Which day is fine for you? I’m free on Sunday. Does that work for you? –_

_Allen didn’t know what to say, something that reflected on his face._

_\- I’m asking you out, you idiot. –_

That was it. That was all.

They met that Sunday and had lunch at a pretty good Japanese place. Yuu didn’t talk a lot and Allen didn’t believe it was happening but that went on for a while and now they were living together. Everything else was pretty much a blur.

How horrible was the fact that bad memories stuck more that good ones.

They were fine at first. Allen had fun and Yuu was someone that helped him overcome a lot of things, specially studying what he loved.

_-Just do whatever you want, beansprout. Forget your old man, he isn’t paying anyway. –_

So, he switched from business to Art History. And now, in the sixth semester of his career, he couldn’t be happier…professionally speaking.

He worked as a bartender at nights, and when he managed to have free time, he dedicated it to either doing exercise or writing.

Allen enjoyed his work and he was pretty good at it, but it was one of the things that started the downside of his relationship with Yuu.

It wasn’t like he could have another job.

Not many people accepted employees that not only looked underage but also had such… _extravagant_ features. With his silver white hair, the scar that crossed his face with a strange pentacle on top and his tendency to use long sleeves and gloves no matter the weather, getting another job was a near impossible task.

At the bar, the manager was nice to him and payed him well. He even allowed him to do homework or notes whenever the bar was slow.

He once remembered him lending him a book to pass the time when the place was practically dead.

But the manager wasn’t the problem. It was the bar itself.

Allen didn’t consider himself someone attractive, but, for some reason, drunk people not only thought he was, but also tried time and time again to either kiss him or something else.

\- You have the face of an angel. –

A costumer told him once. This wasn’t the weirdest thing someone ever told him, but it was one that he remembered well.

He never knew how to respond, so he usually only smiled and either thank them or tell them he didn’t really think so. Depending on how the costumer itself seemed.

The flirting didn’t matter he thought. After all it didn’t matter to him. It was all meaningless words from drunk people that most times than not, confused him with a girl.

But all that required was one time of Yuu visiting at his work to everything start to get ruined.

A guy was particularly insistent on getting his number, regardless how much Allen tried to avoid his advances.

_\- He is a guy you know? – Allen turned, a glass still on his hand. – And he told you he is not interested. Don’t you get it, moron? –_

_Yuu didn’t only talked to the guy, as he expected him to do. But smashed his head on the bar, starting a fight that, even when it didn’t last for long, was nasty to see._

_He wasn’t prone to violence and he didn’t like it most of the times. The fact that he was in kick boxing was entirely for his health and looking at his boyfriend acting that aggressively over basically nothing, scared the hell out of him._

_\- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!- He accused him after jumping over the bar, to check on the unconscious costumer._

_\- Huh? With me? – Yuu didn’t had a scratch and didn’t even sweat. His hands were again in the pockets of his coat, not before cleaning them with the napkin that was placed for the guy he just knocked out._

_\- YES? – Allen couldn’t believe it. He was always so calm and serious and then out of the blue he hit a guy that wasn’t doing much beside being pretty annoying. The words would’ve been enough. He didn’t have to hurt him._

_\- What is wrong with **you?** Why are you defending him? – The boy searched the unconscious man for any more wounds, putting a clean rag on his bleeding temple. The guy grunted, and he allowed himself to turn his gray eyes to his lover._

_\- What do you mean? – He was upset but the look on Yuu’s eyes made him flinch. He didn’t kneel to his level, he was staring at him from his height as if he was a misbehaving dog._

_What was all that about?_

_\- Were you having an affair with him? Did you like his attention? Was that what was happening? Because I don’t see any other reason why you would be all that worried for a guy that was harassing you. –_

_\- Wh-what…? – Allen couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t. He never gave him a reason to be all worked up like that and he didn’t know what to tell him then. Not that he gave him the chance._

_\- We will talk about this at home. – And he left._

Allen remembered this vividly, because that was the first time.

The first time of many, to be honest. Yuu wasn’t very social, and neither was him, but he was as kind and charming as he needed either for his work or for school and apparently his boyfriend wouldn’t have that.

_\- Do you have to flirt with **everyone** , Walker? Even in my face? – _

That phrase was what hurt him more, he thought. It was simple, but it held a lot of things inside.

That he didn’t trust him, that he thought he was some sort of a _whore_ , that he didn’t thought Allen respected him, or loved him enough.

That was what hurt him more. The fact that Kanda didn’t thought he loved him.

\- Maybe there is the point. Maybe that was it. –

After that, Allen wasn’t _allowed_ to do a lot of stuff. Yes, he still could work in that bar and Yuu agreed to never step in there but just as long as he was messaging him every thirty minutes.

But he didn’t meet his friends without him there. He couldn’t go alone to a party or a bar or whatever. And his internet social network was limited to photos of his cat or food, never his face and in the strange case it was, never alone.

He didn’t blame Yuu. He had a troublesome youth as well and he was aware that he had a lot of unresolved issues. Issues he wanted to help with but wasn’t allowed to know.

At least not until Lavi appeared on the picture.

Lavi was Yuu best friend. For a reason that was not only beyond Allen’s imagination but everyone’s else as well.

Lavi was the opposite of Yuu. He was cheerful, playful and talkative. He adored to spend time outside and know everyone’s business, always an excellent listener.

He met Yuu at high school and stuck with him since then. He was a librarian and a teacher at the same place Allen attended. Weird, how the world seems to be so small.

He didn’t met Allen there though. Yuu brought him home one day when spring break started.

It was a weird first meeting, and just as he remembered how Yuu asked him out, he recalled how was meeting Lavi the first time.

_He had a nap after school, free from homework but not from work and anticipating the rush of it being a bar near the university, he slept until it was two hours before his shift._

_He opened his eyes slowly, the light dying just like then. And there beside him in the most comfortable couch of the house was an unknown redhead._

_Allen thought he was still sleeping and stared at him without saying a word._

_\- Good morning, angel. – The stranger said, the teasing so obvious it made him blush._

_He was really tall, his red hair more like copper, his only visible eye a beautiful jade. He was wearing a hair band that kept his hair out of his face and what face that was…!_

_His lines were made like a Guillaume Geefs statue or a Michelangelo, his jaw perfectly squared with lips that made an elegant curve with an “M” in the middle of the movement, where they parted._

_He thought it was definitely a dream when he saw the eye patch. Who wore that in the XXI century?_

_\- Hello. – He said shyly. That person smiled warmly, the action bringing light to his eye, the bridge of his perfectly sculped nose sprinkled with a night sky of discreet freckles._

_\- Stop harassing him, stupid **rabbit**. – The voice of Yuu broke whatever charm was being used and he covered himself with the blanket he dragged there. He blinked fast, trying to adjust to reality only to feel a headache threatening to hit his brain._

_\- But he is so cute! You didn’t say he was this cute! – Allen couldn’t believe what was happening. Yuu only made a disapproving noise with his tongue before opening a bottle of something Allen couldn’t identify. _

_\- Beansprout, this is Lavi. I met him when we were on high school. Lavi, Bean spout. –_

_He blinked again, a part of his mind working on the pun on Lavi’s name, Kanda being Japanese._

_\- Oh, nice to meet…- Then the words he spoke got some meaning. – MY NAME IS ALLEN, WHY DO YOU DO THIS, IDIOT? –_

_Yuu didn’t pay him any attention, the second he got distracted getting used by the newcomer._

_\- Beansprout is because of your hair? I like it! – He was holding the hand he extended to him before but in a way that made him feel like a princess._

_Instead of just squeezing it like a business person, Lavi hold it and brought it to his lips, kissing it without moving his pupil from Allen eyes._

_He turned red, more that unused to those kinds of manners._

_\- Oh! Look at that, you could be a beet or a radish now! – He laughed, and Allen pulled his hand close to his chest, getting free of him. He was beyond embarrassed._

_\- But really, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Allen. Yuu has talked about you a lot. –_

_Allen doubted that, but he moved his sight to his lover who was blankly staring at them with what appeared to be a beer in his hand. He didn’t seem upset or jealous instead, looking like he was used to that._

_He ignored the way his hand tingled and his skin tickled when he said his name and specially he avoided thinking in how it sounded when his voice pronounced the word “ **pleasure** ” as if meeting him was an especially exquisite dessert._

_\- Don’t mind him, he is always like that. – The long-haired man addressed him. He gave a long gulp to his beer and move his head pointing at their room. – Don’t you have a shift to cover, Beansprout? I guess you are getting a shower. –_

_He then rushed to get ready and leave, Lavi and Yuu both forgotten the moment he started working._

_After that incredibly busy shift, Allen arrived home a little more after four in the morning, beaten and thinking to just sleep there on the floor._

_He managed to drag himself to the same couch where he was remembering everything, but when he sat on it the warmth and a coughed laugh almost had him screaming with surprise._

_\- Hey, I bet there are **better** ways to ride me, Beansprout! – _

_Allen had to bite his lips to avoid shouting. A thing that always happened when he got scared or surprised._

_- **What the fuck are you doing here?!** – He whispered fast and harsh and Lavi asked him to repeat it at least three times more._

_ \- You heard me _ _, asshole, what are you doing in my couch! – He punched him with his bag making him complain and laugh shortly after._

_\- I’m sorry! – He didn’t sound like he was, particularly because he was holding his wrist and laughing like they were kids playing hide and seek. – You are so adorable that’s all! –_

_Allen punched him again, this time a bit softer, the adrenaline of the scare wearing out._

_\- You curse a lot for someone with such a lovely face. – He smiled him with such kindness that Allen wanted to hit him again to make him stop, instead munching on the inside of his cheek. If Yuu woke up, he would be beyond pissed and Allen wasn’t really in the mood for a fight. Specially with a guest in their house to witness it all._

_\- I just had too many drinks and asked Yuu if I could stay. I’m sorry Allen, am I bothering you? –_

_He turned quickly to face him being staring at their room’s door, noticing as well he was still wearing that eyepatch. The moonlight was gracing his face and Allen knew that the movement will make his neck hurt like hell later. Strangely he hated that Lavi said his name so casually. He hated more being called “Beansprout” but no matter how much he asked or fought with Kanda about it, he didn’t seem to care enough to stop._

_Yet, with Lavi was different. It was weird being called by him name by him. He didn’t know what it was, but he wanted it to stop. He didn’t say anything only because even to himself, it sounded like a stupid complaint._

_Lavi thought Allen looked like a poem. His gray eyes like the moonlight itself, two twin mirrors of silver that were accusing him of a sin he didn’t understand but was glad he was committing. If that made him look at him that way._

_His hair moved slowly with a delay of his movements, five strands of white hair that were missing the really small and messy bun he made to keep it away from his beautiful rounded face. He wanted to touch his scar that traveled to his face like a plead to kiss his temple. Just like a map._

_Lavi was many things, but among them stupid was never on the list, so he didn’t touch him. He was his mate’s boyfriend. And hell, Yuu had an amazing taste on them._

\- Bothering me? – It was such a strange concept that he repeated the words even then, when he was remembering them.

\- Am I? – A voice in the present time asked him; the emerald eye staring at him.

He observed him, trying to identify if he was there or in his memories.

\- Lavi? – He mouthed cautiously.

\- If you say my name like that you are going to make me think I’m some kind of Dirty Little Secret, Beansprout. – The redhead was kneeling in front of him, barely touching his knees.

He pushed him by the shoulder, making him fall. A poker face in place.

\- You are so mean! – Lavi complained watching him get up. – And I even came here to take you out, so you won’t be bored! –

Allen looked at him as he stretched.

\- I don’t know what you are talking about. – Timcanpy, his cat walked from the chimney to sit on his shoulder now that he was close to it. He patted his head, the animal rubbing himself on his head with happy purrs.

\- Didn’t you read your messages? – Lavi was laying on the floor, looking him from there and observed as the expression of fake annoyance washed from his face to leave one of growing panic.

He hated to be the one to do that to Allen. He was a good guy. One with many talents and an amazingly kind heart. One with a beautiful face and a much more beautiful soul. He didn’t deserve to be scared of forgetting his phone unattended. He wasn’t a cheater. For devil’s sake, he was a saint.

He could understand the need for Yuu to protect him. To want him for himself. The man was too kind, too charming. Too stupid to be left around unsupervised with so many cruel people in the world. But he wasn’t a child either. He was allowed to have some liberty to make his own mistakes. Or at least that was what he thought.

\- Ah! I-I forgot! Darn! – He shuffled around the room looking for a phone that Lavi knew well was out of battery. Something that he learnt ten minutes ago when he tried to call him, so he would open the door.

Lavi thought in how cute it was that he avoided cursing all the time. It wasn’t like he didn’t know about his ill-mannered mouth whenever nobody was looking, after all.

His phone rang this time and he answered knowing perfectly well who was.

\- Don’t worry buddy, he is good. He just fell asleep, you know how he gets when is his free day! – Allen froze and stared at him. He put a finger over his own lips, a gesture that was confident the other would get as a sign to trust him.

\- Hm? Yeah, his phone died as well. But you can call him here, of course. – His friend mumbled on the other line and cut the call without anything else.

\- Is he mad? – The child-like voice that exited Allen’s mouth made him want to hug him, but as he always did, he kept his distance, smiling at him. –

\- Nah. He just said that you need to be more careful. He trusts I’ll take care of you this two weeks. -

Allen listened what the redhead that was sitting on his living rom floor said but he took a moment to analyze it.

\- Two…weeks? –

Yuu never left him alone that long. In fact, he never even left him for a day. And now he was gone two weeks? What was he supposed to do?

\- Yes! Two weeks of **fun** with **me**! – He stood up and put both of his hands on Allen’s shoulders, only to get bitted on one by the cat.

\- Why with you? – He certainly didn’t mean the question like he phrased it. Wondering instead, why that was happening without him knowing anything.

\- Ouch! You hurt my feelings beansprout! You don’t want me here? I thought we had a thing! – Lavi faked a little that his heart ached and put his wounded hand over it.

It might ache, that was for sure. But not because of that. It was something else, that was ironically tied to Allen as well.

\- No! I didn’t mean that! Sorry! – Allen never noticed, but whenever they talked like that, he stepped closer to him.

It was horrible, Lavi thought. Horrible that he realized, horrible that he still wanted to provoke it, horrible because that was his best friend boyfriend.

Wasn’t he a horrible person, after all?

\- I mean why did he leave? – He took a step back, taking Timcanpy on his arms to caress him.

\- Because he had a tournament or something. You know that trainer thing he does? It’s a tournament or seminary or something. But he had to go, so, he left you with me, since I’m his best friend. –

Such horrible person. With such horrible words to say.

Allen turned away from Lavi, leaving the cat again on the fake chimney.

Was that a test sent by some god? Why did Yuu leave when he was thinking that everything they had didn’t work? What was he supposed to do?!

\- You don’t have to stay with me Lavi, I don’t want to bother you. –

It was a week before winter break and he knew the redhead was surely busy with all the tests he was supposed to put and grade.

\- Oh no, Allen, you don’t get it. – There it was. His name pronounced by that voice. – I _want_ you to bother me. –

\- Shut up. – He said almost immediately managing to hide his laugh. It was by now a year since they knew each other. – Why didn’t he tell me? –

Lavi felt bad enough for flirting that shamelessly, but having Allen talking about Yuu hurt his heart just the right amount for him to compose.

Talking like that was something he couldn’t avoid.

\- I’m sorry. I’m sure he just didn’t want to bother you since you are entering exams season and you are so busy with work and everything. – He gave him a reassuring smile and he finally faced him.

Allen hated Lavi calling him by his name. But what he hated more was that sensation of being lighted from the inside with coals that shimmered in red glows when he did. That, and that stupid smile of his, that promised him to fix everything in his life, when he didn’t ask for it.

\- Are you really staying the whole two weeks? – He asked trying to work with whatever emotion he was having.

\- Yes, unless you prefer to stay at my place, but is full of books. Does that bother you? –

\- Do you mean the books or are you talking about yourself? – He wasn’t like that with anybody else. He didn’t use his witty mouth and his graduated sarcasm. He didn’t understand what was making him be like that with him. He wanted to be as nice and kind and patient as he was with everyone else, but Lavi had something that made it impossible.

\- Uff, such a rude mouth! Do you treat all your costumers like this? You are going to ruin that bar, buddy! –

He rolled his eyes and then laughed. It was fine that Lavi stayed. Maybe he could help him settle his thoughts.

Lavi stared as the younger laughed. Maybe it was a bad idea for him to stay. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

And that, would certainly be horrible.

Everything was fun and games, until someone fell in love.

 

  
 


	2. Dollhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting alone together is hard for many, but for this two? A slow fire that would probably end burning them both. Lavi has a little secret, one easily judged and terribly useful.
> 
> Everybody thinks seeing the future is a wonderful gift, but what about seeing you on your worst?  
> Would that be great at all?
> 
> A littleeeeee NSFW? I guess.

- Lavi…don’t. – He held him tighter, pulling him a bit closer, not getting enough.

It was the feeling of his skin against his lips, the glorious smell of a strange but fresh flower, the taste of ambrosia whenever he kissed that particular spot. It was everything and more; the knowing guilt of breaking every rule, spoken or not; that stung behind his tongue with a buzzing delicious numb.

The sound of Allen’s voice was wrecking every ounce of coherent thought he ever owned. He knew what he was saying, but the tone he was using, his body pushing towards him and his hands refusing to let him go, relieved him from believing him. 

\- We can’t do this… - The redhead felt as if his veins were filled with gasoline instead of blood, the way Allen spoke the only spark that was needed to light him in a never ending, abrasive piece of fire. 

\- Why not? – He didn’t understand how he could be talking. 

His lips never once leaving Allen’s neck, obsessed with taste every single space that was available to him. 

A foreign hunger that was taking his sanity away from him. 

\- Because..mnh…B-because…- A part of him was screaming to hear him moan for real, to keep going until he was pushing him to his very edge. To force those cute pure lips to say nothing more but begs and his name. 

His remaining logic fighting for him to stop, warning him about the growing pain between his legs, that would be helped if he submitted to his wish. 

The last he decided (with more than little effort) to listen to.

- Because? – Allen was sitting on his lap, his arms over his shoulders. 

One hand grasping his hair while the other surely was leaving his perfect mark on his back, holding him that strong to keep him on place. There was little to none space between them, and as he pulled back relentlessly, just enough to face him. 

I mistake that would regret sooner than later. 

His eyes were clouded with a feeling he knew well; his cheeks flushed pink and his lips partially open, breathing heavily in a provocative manner that was forcing him to concentrate into being those inches separated from him before everything was too fast and too late.

\- Because… - Allen grabbed his jaw with his right hand, leaning even closer so their lips would be brushing at every movement. – Because I’m dating Yuu, and you are his best friend. – He licked his own lips, touching Lavi’s on the same way. 

\- I guess you are a pretty lousy boyfriend, buddy. – It was a strangled whisper. Suddenly everything felt like he was in the hottest day of summer and the only way to get a bit of freshness, a bit of water so we would not die from dehydration were those pretentious pretty pink lips. 

\- Oh? – It was small motion, the movement wave his mouth acquired. Like a stone that broke the water surface; a natural motion that drew you closer without any second chance. 

He breathed deep and long and after torturing enough with that longing distance, he finally kissed him. And what a  ** _hell_**  of a kiss that was! Lavi was sure his mind shut down for at least an entire minute of pure ecstasy. 

He was surely giving his whole. 

The kiss was open mouthed, without any other thoughts. Without any shame or guilt or anything beside passion. 

A flaming shooting star made of passionate fire, intending to consume everything it touches to ashes. 

His tongue was looking for his as soon it arrived, touching sweetly and with all the security in the world. A kind invitation to sin.

A deal with the devil himself.

Because after tasting that, Lavi was sure, he couldn’t just say goodbye. 

Who ever Yuu was once was already doomed. 

As he pulled back (much to Lavi’s demise), he bit his lip playfully. Making the redhead try to follow him again to keep the kiss going. A skilled lead to surrender your heart. 

Nevertheless, he got apart again, and as he looked down at him from his privileged seat he smiled in such a malicious way that Lavi thought if in reality that innocent face was nothing but a trick. 

Didn’t the church warned him about such wicked ways? 

\- Not as lousy as you as a best friend, isn’t it… ** _buddy?_**  – The sentence a melody on its own. A siren call that started as a purr and ended as a poisoned dagger, decorated with a teasing laugh. Lavi felt again that sting of embarrassment, knowing what he did. 

What a horrible friend he was, indeed.

Because behind all, he couldn’t wish a better place to be beside under that demonic angel of god. 

He closed his eyes for a second. The fear taking the ship’s control and driving toward reality. A terrible crash that ended his fantasies with a falling smack.

Music came from somewhere as he fought to open his eyes; feeling cold sweat covering his body like a fever that tried to exorcize his own sickness and not a single trace of those eyes filled with mischief and lust. 

\- Fuck…- He whispered, a single lamp on a white ceiling that wasn’t his own. The clattering of the kitchen not too far, the music still going. 

He put his hands over his eyes, immediately checking for the eyepatch.

That was where it was supposed to be.

A little normality in that crazy train wreck.

Finally, his phone was just at the reach of his hand, getting off the alarm with that videogame music he was just starting to love again. 

He sat on the couch, feeling cold in his wet t-shirt, his head still pounding with that dream.

\- Hey, good morning Lavi! – If the cold wasn’t enough from the outside, his stomach decided it was a great idea to froze at the sound of that voice. – Is everything ok? –

The cheering tone of Allen fading into worry, so Lavi pushed himself to look at him.

And there he was. 

Wearing dark jeans and a red sweater that was too big for…for anybody, actually. The color only making his skin look paler and softer, his oh so perfect lips pinker and his sparkling eyes more live with the silver light of joy. 

\- Hey…you…- His voice was weak and trembling, making him clear his throat in an attempt to recover some dignity. 

He always heard about people saying how awkward was to face the friend whom just dreamed about in an absolute sexual way, but never ever actually happened to him before.

He remember laughing at those poor bastards.

Not anymore.

_It sucks being the poor bastard, huh?_

He thought, gulping. 

How was he supposed to see him in the eye without thinking on how his face looked before he kissed the sense out of his brain? And after hearing him talk to him like that, how he breathed, how he  **tasted** …

\- Lavi? –

Now Allen was kneeling beside him, his face more closer that how he needed it to be. 

\- Yes! – He practically screamed, jumping a bit on his seat. – Yes! Of course, haha! I’m…totally fine beansprout! -Allen raised an eyebrow, resting his face over his hand.

\- Yes? –

\- Yeah! I just…I was just super bewildered that someone was making breakfast for little old me. –

Lavi hated every word he spoke. If he was trying to look more suspicious than before that was just the way to do it. 

Puberty was behind him, but never forgotten, he bitterly thought. 

\- Maybe I’m just trying to be nice. – The smaller boy told him as he allowed his eyes to travel to his friend’s chest, observing how the wet fabric stuck to him, drawing every muscle like a sculpture, reminding him of his very first impression of the redhead.

\- Or trying to poison me. – He realized where was Allen looking and his nerves started to increase as those precious eyes were going lower. – What are you trying buddy, to make me fall in love? –

Quickly he crunched, holding his knees to avoid the embarrassment that was hiding a bit down, still excited about that little dream….or nightmare?

\- Maybe. – Allen smiled without knowing what he was doing to him. He was only being in the best mood he ever remembered having. Being rested, relaxed and happy.

And then, Lavi realized what his stupid mouth just said, hiding his blushed face between his crossed arms. 

\- I made pancakes, come on. – He stood up, walking to pet Tincampy, who was expecting him against the doorframe of the kitchen, luckily not seeming to realize the distress of his friend. 

\- Can I get a shower first? I…I need to change I’m all sweaty and… - Lavi pinched the fabric trying to separate it from his body, looking at Allen fully for the first time, a comical apologetic expression plastered on his face.

- Of course Lavi, you can do whatever you want. We'll wait for you. – He picked the cat from the floor, and as he turned to see him, Lavi’s soul dropped to his feet.

Allen didn’t had a single hair over his baby face because he was sporting  _his_  bandana.

\- Is…Is that my…? – Allen gave him an adorable questioning look, and as he followed his stare, he switched the cat to his left, carrying him like a baby. With his other hand he touched the piece of cloth, his expression changing as fast as lightning.

\- Oh! OH! I’m so sorry Lavi! I shouldn’t have…I..- Lavi’s heart went after his soul and fell to the floor with what he imagined was a loud thud or a crystal crash. 

Why was he so scared? He didn’t mind him using the thing. At least not in that way.

\- No, no, no, don’t apologize man! I was just surprised how good it looked in you! – He tried to smile to him reassuringly and as the smallest of the two smiled cautiously, hugging the cat, he allowed himself to keep breathing.

\- Really? – 

A pulsing problem that refused to let him abandon the blanket warned him about his staring and pushing his luck that far. After all, adorability was definitely one of his bigger weakness. 

\- Yeah, but not as good as me. –

A silence that was only interrupted by the soft landing of the cat slapped him in the face with the real meaning of his phrasing and how his voice betrayed his master along the way. 

- …W-what? – Lavi turned to face him. Allen reduced to a red mess that was hiding half of his features against his open palm.

_Did you just said that_ **_you_ ** _would look_ **_better ON_ ** _him?!_

\- I MEAN IT LOOKS BETTER ON ME. BUT YOU CAN KEEP IT. –

_Great save, dude._

The nervous laugh that was implicit between every word didn’t help in anyway. 

Allen felt his skin warmer. He was used to Lavi friendly-hitting on him, but a flustered Lavi? That was sure new to him. 

In the second he took trying to cool off from the surprise the redhead quickly rushed to the shower, carrying his things with him.

And as confusion started to run a lot of different thoughts, he decided he would breath and enjoy his free day, I mean, it was just Lavi.

He would  **never**  mean anything more than what was there.

_Even if_ **_you_ ** _do?_

\- Shut the entire fuck you fucker. – Tincampy meowed worried, his tail moving into a question mark that seemed perfectly adequate to the moment. – No, not you little guy! You are a good kitty. – He apologized giving him a treat. 

The water started running and Allen started to put the table and wait for his guest.

- I need to see you. – On the other side of the phone a disbelieving sound was followed by a warm feminine giggle.

\- You sound like a total douchebag, dude! – 

- Leena,  _please._  –

He was already naked, every piece of clothing on the floor as the water ran, filling the place with steam, his reflection loosing clarity; his now patchless eye, staring back at him with affliction. 

\- Ok, ok. – His friend said, defensive. – But if it’s about another stupid crush I  **am** going to kill you. I do have a life, as difficult that is for you to imagine. –

\- I don’t think it’s  _just_  a  _stupid_  crush  **this time**  Leena… - 

His heart ached as he spoke, backing up his words. A disease that pulsated under a doctors diagnosis. 

There was a few seconds of silence and for a moment he thought his phone died.

\- Ok Lav, what’s this about? Are you ok? I can meet you today, if you like? –

-  _Yes_ ,  **please**. Just…give me twenty, I’ll meet you at the faculty coffee. –

\- All right. Don’t leave a lady waiting, bunny. – 

\- Thanks. – 

He hang up without anything else, finally letting the shower clean him from the cold sweat that he was sure, stank with his  impure desires. 

- Hell is such a beautifully horrible place. –

He whispered as he allowed his mind to slip away, only a little bit further.

Lavi wondered, after the shower, if the situation was something to call Lenalee over. Maybe he over reacted. Maybe it wasn’t  _that_  important.

He sat with Allen, who still wore his bandanna like a model, and ate the most wonderful breakfast of his life.

A single bite was enough to blast his mind.

\- Is it good? – The silver-haired stared at him, without touching his own food.

\- Good? – It was almost impossible to notice, but his eyes seemed to darken with the anticipation of a negative statement. – This is great! What are you doing as a bartender?! If you had your own place I would go everyday! –

The laugh that accompanied the gesture of putting a strand of hair behind his ear, made his skin tingle, screaming with the need of touching him again. 

Whatever reason was enough. If he could just casually touch his face, his arm, his hand.. Only once more… 

He blinked several times realizing how weird the thought was; calling for Lenalee confirmed as the right decision. 

\- Don’t be silly. You can eat the stuff I make whenever you want. – Lavi wasn’t the jealous type. Actually, he was always proud on the happiness his friends gave him by being happy themselves. 

But right then the life Yuu had and he didn’t, bit him in the throat like merciless dingo. What wouldn’t he give, to had what he had just one night in the same bed. 

Allen kept talking, clueless to this. 

-In fact, you have to, unless you want to have something outside, for the next two weeks that’s it. –

He finally started eating and Lavi did the same as slowly as he could, savoring the image of having breakfast with that piece of heaven everyday. Wishing again, and imagining that that was his daily life. 

Everything went too fast for his taste, and when he realized, his phone was ringing with a message from his waiting  friend. 

\- Hey Allen. – They were sitting in the living room, Allen now in the very same spot he was in his dream. Without him, that was. 

\- Yes? – Allen shivered from hearing his name, a wild smile that he was trying to tame. 

They were alone in perfect silence, Lavi checking some papers from his students as he read about Vermeer and his influence on lighting for his upcoming exam.

 Not a single thing wrong with each other lack of words. The air charged only with the warm of each other company. 

Why he had to say his name like that? As if he was tasting the letters between his lips, like a spell or a forbidden word? Why it made him feel like whenever he was called he was being owned in a way that could never mean anything beside freedom? 

And why it felt like such a dangerous bet, that his old habits kicked in, asking to join instead of fleeing away? 

Was he thinking on it too much?

Possibly.

Was he letting that gorgeous face distract him?

Surely.

\- I have to go…- He didn’t want to pull away from his book. The pain that those words made him feel, too real to acknowledge. To stupid to understand. So Allen just raised his gaze to the man standing in front of him. – For a couple hours. – 

A ridiculous relief washed over him like a wave.

_You seem too eager to see him again and he haven’t even left. Thought you said you didn’t need anybody?_ _Thought you said je was just a friend?_

\- Is that ok? I’m just meeting a buddy of mine, I won’t take long. – He didn’t know why he was explaining that much to him, but leaving Allen alone felt like he was bailing on him and that was the last thing he wanted him to think. His voice an apologetic tone that made him sound more like he was asking for a excuse to not leave– 

\- I can even reschedule if you want to do something else? –

- What? – The smile that finally appeared on his face felt like it would split it on half. – No! It’s ok Lavi, I’m not a child. I’ll be ok. I’m just going to study today. –

\- Ok… - A dumb smirk was the best he could come up with, melted by the sight of the other, in front of him, still sat in the couch. – Well, I’ll be leaving… -

Regardless of his words, he stood there, motionless.

Allen closed his book over his lap. Noticing the rolled sleeves of the redhead and how pretty the rings on his left hand, that was resting on his hips, were. 

He stood up; Lavi never moving. 

A giggle escaped his lips and he transformed his (probably too obvious) expression in a knowing all smirk. 

-Do you want to take a picture? – 

-And what if I do?-

Allen knew the game. Maybe he was pretty out of shape, but once a player, always a player.

_Yeah, a_ **_friendly_ ** _game, right?_

His smile changed, a scolded student, slapped in the wrist by the governess.

-You and what camera?-

He pushed him softly, walking with him to the door, the redhead not taking anything beside his phone and wallet. 

\- Take care. – He said as the taller was out. 

\- For you? Anything. – And the sincerity of the phrase floated again between them, making Allen warm and fuzzy and Lavi drunk on  _what ifs_. 

\- You are so stupid. – He laughed. His heart felt like a huge water glass that someone just dropped an Alka-Seltzer. – Just don’t die. – 

\- Of course, I’ll have to be back for you. – He stepped toward Allen, stopping dead on track realizing what he was about to do. His hand flied to his lips, trying to hide the tool for the treason he managed to stop that day. 

\- See ya’ then. –

Lavi turn away from his favorite temptation and rushed towards the stairs, thinking the working out would keep his mind out of Yuu’s business. 

\- You look fabulously awful, Lav. – 

\- What the fuck Leena. – 

She was sitting alone outside of their favorite coffee shop. The iron table twisting in delicate forms that seemed made only for her aesthetic.

Lavi always wondered how girls could use skirts with such cold weathers, but as far as he was concerned Lenalee was beyond every human comprehension. 

He smiled at her, and let his body drop to the cushioned chair that she always saved for him that gave him the sensation of being hugged without the compromise.  

They were best friends long before he met Kanda and the only person that he could trust no matter what. 

\- That’s a horrible thing to say to your favorite man, isn’t it? – His back sounded like a pack of firecracks, but the relief was a pleasure of its own.

\- You are not my favorite man, you dork. – The twin pigtails of her hair waved graciously as she moved to gave him the coffee she always ordered on his behalf. With a comic little bunny as an art latte. 

\- I am almost wounded. – He sighed deeply and took the drink with both hands, letting the heat travel through his cold skin. – How was work today? –

A little gulp of coffee, flooding his body with the most needed warmth and the contrast of a life outside his tribulations. 

\- Are you honestly asking me for my work? Thought you had a little someone to talk about…sounded pretty urgent on the phone… - Lenalee teased, playing with the silver spoon of his tea, like she couldn’t care less about whatever he needed to say.

Lavi shrugged, without stop drinking; something that told her more than what his words could. 

The girl stared at him patiently; a dynamic she knew it had to be done, knowing that pushing him to speak would only make him less keen to talk to her. After all that was a man of books, and having patience was the only way to get to him.

After two or so minutes, Lavi sighed, concentrated on the color of his coffee and how it steamed. 

\- I…have this friend… A…- And then and there he realized that Lenalee knew Kanda. 

After all, they were all in the same school once. Her friend or not, he knew how much she appreciated him. And was almost sure that wouldn’t really condole him trying to still the boyfriend of his so called  _best-male-friend_ …

Because having a crush on him was a thing, but  _wanting_  him to break up with his current man?

Totally not right.

- …..A friend that I appreciate a lot and…it’s really cute and I can’t stop thinking about him every damn second of the day? –

\- You look weird with your hair down. – She extended an arm to pull softly one of his copper locks. Making him stare in disbelief. – Come on Lavi… You had a thousand other crushes. What makes him different? –

- They could be a she. – He answered defensibly. 

\- Is he? – Lenalee smiled knowingly, resting his face against her folded hands in a way that made her eyelashes look longer. 

\- No…- He let his forehead drop against the table. – I…I had a dream about him. –

\- Well that’s pretty standard. – She started petting his head, listening patiently and lovingly like the sister he never had. Absently wondering about the bandana, who never abandoned that orange mess of hair.

\- No Leena…A dream. You know…. **A dream.**  – 

He switched his face so he could see her, emphasizing the words; her black eyes filled with deep intrigue. 

\- Do you mean a premonition? – She asked with an incredible poker face.

\- For fucks sake, don’t say it like that! – She smiled sweetly and started to eat a small cake that was previously abandoned.

\- Oh Lavi…Are you still ashamed of the mystic gift you have? –

\- It sounds stupid. – 

She rolled her eyes. An eternal discussion she was pretty tired about. Furthermore, she was also pretty sure Lavi already knew his seer gift was more than real.

\- Tell me. About the dream I mean. –

The line between his hair and his skin disappeared and she thought that, if that dream had Lavi blushing like that, she surely didn’t want to hear about it. 

\- I can’t. It can’t be a premonition Leena…- 

His voice was strangled, and she remembered the first time she surprised him without the eyepatch. 

She caressed the piece of cloth very gently, the expression of a much younger Lavi, branded into her mind. Confused and terrified.

Alone.

\- Why not? What does this cutie have that is impossible to think you would be dating him? –

\- He is dating one of my best friends. – 

He was biting his lip, ready for the scolding of the decade. But all that it was there on the eyes of the Chinese was an awful and merciful…pity.

One that made him realize how desperate he looked.

\- Oh sweetie… If we could only avoid the future. – She squeezed his hand, only for a moment.

Lavi stared at her, his covered eye itching. A warm pair of drops falling free over his cheeks. 

Starting to feel as doomed as a ghost.

\- Why I am such a horrible person, Leena? –

\- You are not horrible Lavi… -

\- Then why do I feel like this? – 

He could tell Lenalee thought he was saying that because of Kanda, the friend from who he was betraying by falling in love with his significant other, but no. 

He felt horrible because even knowing that, all that he could think about was the way Allen smiled at him.

How he moved, how he smelled.

And the hungry wonder of how he really tasted.

It didn’t take much for him to be back at Allen’s place. But as he walked over there one single thought lingered on his mind. 

He would tell him about the dream. About how he sometimes had premonitions, about how could they avoid it. About how he wouldn’t allow him to feel as dirty as he was now; stained by his desires. About how…

_You sure think highly of yourself._

Everyone has inner voices. Some of them are louder than others. And unfortunately, most of the times the voice that speaks louder is the one that despises us the most. 

_Do you think he would believe all that magic crap? Do you think he will not_ _stop talking to you the second your mouth goes off with that seer stuff? The reason you keep you_ _r_ _eyepatch there?_

_Do you think for a_ _second,_ _he won’t stare at you, thinking you are a_ _miss matched, patched up mongrel?_

_Are you going let everything crumble? Everything you were so dedicated to build? Your perfect image?_

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect. Please, don't let them look through the curtains._ _Because behind all that, you_ _and I._ _.. We_ _are nothing…but a mess._

He stood in front of the door, frozen. Not knowing when he arrived there. His hand without touching the door knob. 

And as he was deep in his thoughts, the door opened on his own, like a revelation. Allen speaking with words he couldn’t hear.

\- Lavi? – 

His name distant, like light filtering through a cotton thick panel. Allen took his hand timidly and lead him inside, closing the door. The clicking allowing him to be back at his body.

\- Sorry! I spaced out. –

Allen had the whole morning to think about how Lavi was strange and as the hours passed, he was getting more and more worried it was something that he did. So, he stepped cautiously with his words, trying to know without exposing too much.

\- Did you had something on your mind? –

Lavi wasn’t very keen on destiny. 

Destiny was crap. For all he cared.

It took people lives and carried them how ever it pleased. It ruined friendships, it destroyed hearts. It forced you to take a path you clearly didn’t want or even worse it endorsed the one you wanted…no matter how that would hurt the people around you.

But it didn’t matter how you fought it. How you resisted. Eventually you would be there.

And as far as he knew, his premonitions never failed.

_“- Maybe it was just a dream. –_

_\- Lavi…how many times were you wrong? Not only with that, but also reading the cards… Do you think it was only that?_ _Can you tell me you didn’t_ _get_ _the feel?_ _”_

Then he decided he would play with it. He would play as well as he could. With his own rules.

He would be himself.

\- Yes. You. –

And what a horrible thing that was, indeed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! If you are here reading this, that means you know a lot about patience and that you reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally love D.Gray Man, as I do!  
> Im taking my time with this baby, and Im sorry to keep you waiting, but I hope you really enjoy the end!


	3. Tag, You Are It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little lie that turns out into a heated moment.   
> Lavi takes Allen to his class and as the time passes he discovers the only thing he wants to teach about isn't exactly accepted in public.
> 
> The classroom is alone and this two have enough issues on their own. 
> 
> "Let me take you for a joyride. I've got some candy for you inside"~

\- Me? –

\- Yes, specifically I was wondering if you ever assisted a history class before. –

Allen stared at him, confused.

\- Only about art, if those count. – He made a small pause. – Why? –

\- I need you to accompany to one of my lectures. You see, my students usually attend my classes, but they fail miserably when the exam comes so…I need you to tell me if I am not explaining myself properly or if there is any way for me to improve? Please? –

Lavi was impressed of the how smooth the lie came out. He never stuttered, he didn’t sound pushy and most of all, it didn’t sound as if he just came out with the idea right on the spot.

Which he certainly did.

There was the possibility Allen was busy by the hour any of his lectures was supposed to happen, but if he was right that would be the very first bet he would make with destiny.

\- Yes, I would love to. –

He was hugging the book he was reading before he left and Lavi once again realized how much he got near to him. Did he even notice himself?

Probably not.

The worst part was that he knew Allen wasn’t like that with people he didn’t knew. Getting that close was a privilege to those who were worthy enough to be someone that he loved.

_Loved…_

\- The only issue is that the lecture is today…- His tone was lower and instead of keeping his distance he maintained his ground, letting him get closer. Waiting for something he didn’t know.

\- It’s ok, my manager doesn’t expect me to show up to work when I’m on finals. And my first exam is tomorrow. –

Oh, the irony.

_They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions…but yours is surely paved with provocations to life._

He smiled, happiness truly there; ignoring that teasing voice.

In his life there weren’t many things of what he was proud, but his lectures? Those were his pride and joy. And taking Allen to one? Damn, the thought made his chest puff with glee. It was like inviting him to the best part of himself.

It wasn’t only how he did his job, it was more about how he opened about it.

Lavi loved history. Every part of it. The wars, the loves, the plagues, the rituals, the discoveries, the **people**. History was just everywhere.

From the wheel to the pyramids. From the electricity to just knowing the night was not an abandonment of some god.

Like a giant diary written by the stars, telling the story of thousands of small humans that made their way through life and now, allowed them to be were they were. It was like…the true face of fate.

Knowing about the past keeping him tied to the present; instead of lost in the sea that were every revelation of the future, that had no date, not context or meaning.

Seeing the future was more like drowning in the middle of a dark nowhere, where history was the only lifeline.

But as many things, this was something not everyone enjoyed. So, talking about history and his random _“fun”_ facts bored most of his acquaintance to death.

Leaving him once again, alone.

\- Well then, we have…- He checked his watch, careful to not push Allen, who was so near now, that he could be reading the thing himself. – Half an hour. –

\- Perfect. I’ll take a bath. Do you need anything? –

_To join you._

\- No, I’ll be reading the last papers I need to grade if you don’t mind. –

Allen smiled again and went off to his room as Lavi finally let out the breath he was holding.

_Two weeks of this? If he gets anywhere nearer than that he surely would know I do not have **anything** in my pockets and I’m only **super happy** to see him…_

A palmface that sounded just like someone opening a beer.

 

Allen sat in the tub slowly as the water covered him with warm bubbles.

He let the water cover him over his lips, only his nose and up above it. He observed the swirls of soap with multiple colors as the bath bomb he decided to finally use, dissolved with a soft sizzling noise and a rich lavender scent.

His chest was visibly pounding, the water moving softly in the secret rhythm of his heart. He moved his hands slowly under the liquid to touch the exact point his heart was under.

One beat after another, the only sound being the one the drops from the tap made when it fell into the rest of the tub.

He let his eyelids drop once again, looking for a question and an answer at the same time.

_He is just being kind to you. To us._

_-_ I know. – His voice resonating in his sacred space.

_Then why are you all worked up just because he invited you to a class?_

_-_ I am not sure. –

_Yuu haven’t texted as often. Do you think he might finally found someone better than you and moved on?_

Allen didn’t answer to his own question. Instead, he let himself sunk in the tub, washing his hair. Surrendering to the momentary peace that submerging gave him.

_Not that you missed him this day and a half with that stud out of your room._

He came out of the water, coughing. His own thought surprising him.

\- Lavi is my friend…! –

_Yes, a very handsome, dedicated, loving, funny friend. And a boy. Almost like a boy-friend, you know?_

\- Fuck off. –

Allen didn’t want to give the reason to this selfish part of him, but he knew what it was about.

It wasn’t **only** that he saw Lavi like **that** , it was the fact that he was thinking of him **like that** when he **already** had a boyfriend. When he was **already** lucky to be _wanted_ by anybody, being as weird as he was; and he was trashing it away for no one else, but his boyfriend’s **best _fucking_ friend.**

What would Lavi think about that?

He was so loyal and great… He would probably hate him.

A picture of Lavi walking away, disgusted by discovering his not that innocent crush, made him curl in the water.

\- I could never…- Little drops falling like tears into the bathtub.

He rose up the water after a while, taking a towel and realizing he didn’t bring his clothes to the bathroom.

\- Great…-

He opened the door, too busy with his own thoughts, finding not a hallway but a black t-shirt.

\- I’m sorry, I called for you, but you didn’t answer, and I was getting…uh…-

Red was becoming his standard color with that man around.

_I think facing your crush naked is one of your boldest moves._

Lavi wished his other eye wasn’t wearing the eyepatch. He wished Allen was single, he wished that that was the morning after and they were only looking for excuses to never leave and keep the bed warm in that oh, so cold, winter.

He wished he wasn’t even friends with Kanda and most of all he wished he wasn’t such a terrible person.

\- I’m sorry. – He said looking away only with great effort. – I’ll wait for you at the living room.

The redhead felt his arms were sticks that were barely glued to his toy soldier body, and walking like a wooden puppet with less articulations than a bicycle, he went to the spot that kept his deepest dreams.

_Look at that, he already hates you and he didn’t even see you fully naked!_

Allen held the towel tighter, the discoloring of his arm obviously without any clothes to cover it.

Quickly he went to his room, picking another pair of jeans, a white shirt and a deep green cardigan that didn’t allow a single space of skin to show. Then, he picked a pair of gray gloves and put over his graphite coat.

He looked himself in the mirror what it felt like a thousand years and after brushing his hair he decided that was the best he could do without overdoing it.

\- Sorry about that Lavi, I hope I’m not making you late? –

Lavi looked at him over the last paper he was deciding to fail, planning a quick glance to not lose focus on that piece of blabbering garbage that seemed written by an autocorrect remix; but after resting his eyes on Allen, the paper was already forgotten.

_Sorry for whoever you are._

After all the effort that was to concentrate on reading and not to relive his dream picturing now a gorgeously naked Allen…

He opened and closed his mouth one time and another; a goldfish trying to breath.

\- Woah…-

\- Uh? –

\- Are… are you going like  _that_   to my lecture? –

He pointed the outfit, uncapable of stop staring.

\- Is it underdressed? I never went to another faculty and Art’s pretty messy, you know? –

Lavi somehow noticed he wasn’t wearing the bandanna anymore. A punch to his ego that he tried to dismiss.

\- No, I mean…-He laughed between nervous and sarcastic. – Man, you are gonna distract half of my students! –

\- I’ll be quiet, I promise. –

He seemed so small when he did that. The fidgeting hands and the eyes glued to the floor.

And the redhead couldn’t fight it.

\- Don’t put that face, buddy… I’m saying you look great. – He stepped further and hugged him.

A hug that made something that was locked inside him break free.

A demon who was patiently waiting for him.

\- I don’t want to give you any trouble… - He looked at him with his big worried eyes.

How could Yuu had him like that? Allen was someone who wasn’t meant to be punished. He had that already managed on his own.

He knew the guy, he didn’t think Yuu didn’t love him, but his insecurities and fears were destroying that beauty.

\- Don’t say that. – He wanted to look away, but those twin silver lakes where too much and drowning seemed so much easier than fighting against them.

The envy came back, slithering through his back, cold and slowly. Why did Yuu should have him? Was it a compensation for that time when…?

\- I am always happy to have you with me, Allen. Nobody is going to say anything about you being there. So please, don’t make that sad face, its breaking my heart. –

Allen blinked slowly, his hands resting on Lavi’s chest, that was wider than Yuu’s and over all softer, kinder… and felt…more like home.

\- Please Allen. –

He was so close. Allen thought. His name moving slowly on his lips again.

Maybe Medusa really existed, and the guys he made stone came back, but never stopped looking like a god’s stone figure.

He couldn’t stop the hammering inside his chest.

\- Why? – He asked out loud without noticing. His habit of speaking with himself betraying him. Looking for something in that eye that would help him calm his heart.

Lavi felt the attraction like a magnet, being softly but decisively drawn to the smaller.

\- Because I may not resist…- His nose was now brushing against his. His emerald eye, the same hue that his sweater had, darkening with danger and invitation.

_Then don’t._

Both thought at the same time.

Only a readjusting angle was all that was needed to transform that into a kiss.

If one of them only moved their head slightly to one side. Any side… A kiss would be almost obligatory.

A kiss would be _mandatory_.

Lavi was moving slowly, the weight of Allen on his arms, the contrasting temperature of his skin against his, so close. If he could only get the courage to do it.

_Kiss him._

Both voices called.

It was right there. Was it really happening? All that Allen needed was a quick movement and the kiss he secretly desired would be fulfilled.

It felt like a dream, couldn’t even know if he was really moving or it was gravity just happening. Attracting him like a star…

His heart for once didn’t feel like it was asking to be let out. Instead it beat to a wonderful music from somewhere else, vibrating through his body, moving him toward his desire. A dance for just them, just that once.

_Kiss him._

Just a little further.

Just a little more.

A ringtone that was loud enough to wake up someone living in the next city screamed from Lavi’s front pocket, making them both jump backwards.

Like pair of kids discovered stealing the last piece of cake.

\- Yes? Hello? –

Lavi answered with more than a pissed off tone.

\- Hey stupid rabbit. It’s the beansprout with you? –

Once upon a time, when he was around thirteen, he and one of his friends were messing with an elevator. They pushed so many buttons the poor machine went bonkers and started to open and close its door like a stressed old lady trying to remember streets. Everything was fun and all, until the metal deathtrap fell five floors really quick, trying to catch up with every command they pushed into it.

The sensation was similar of what he imagined it felt when someone pulled your skin from the inside.

And then, with Yuu’s voice over the phone, the feeling came back. It was just like that. Five floors down, make your prayers. If you don’t believe, honey, this is your time.

\- Uh, yes. – He listened to himself, his mouth full of the cotton of lies. He turned to face Allen, who motioned asking if everything was fine.

_Yes, sorry I was just trying to kiss you and your boyfriend cockblocked me over the phone._

He mouthed the name of his best friend instead, trying to act like nothing happened.

\- Perfect. I need you to keep an eye on him. He tends to attract a lot of…unrequited attention. Do you get me? –

_Man, do I._

\- Yes, don’t worry dude. Got you covered. He is safe with me. –

_Liars go to hell, Lavi._

\- Fine. Anything I need to know? –

\- Humm… -

He felt a light push towards his left side, Allen watching him nervously as he spoke. Lavi paused, forgetting Kanda for a second.

He instead put his arm around the shortest one shoulders, making him try to fit with him, a gloved hand over his torso, cutting him with urge.

\- Nah, everything good. Take care. –

And he cut the call.

\- Is everything ok, is he ok? –

_Now do you care?_

The redhead smiled at him lovingly, forcing his heart to his throat.

\- He’s fine, don’t worry about it. –

And his lips hurt with the need of at least kissing his temple. But as Allen sighed, resting his head against him, he decided he would wait.

At least as long as he could manage.

How many days did Lucifer take to decide to become Satan?

Did Judas even know what hesitation was for?

 

They then took their way to Lavi’s lecture, and as Allen entered the huge room with a lot of staring students, he started to regret his decision of even showing up.

He chose one of the free seats near the door, feeling like everyone in the room had their eyes on him.

But everything quickly disappeared, as the tall redhead started with the class.

\- I am sure you all are as amazed as I am that this walking piece of art joined us to my boring class, -Allen wanted to hide behind anything, but getting there with nothing but himself, he ended waving his hand to the curious students that, if weren’t looking before, now they were for sure. –

\- But please, allow me one minute or two of your attention to talk about how our good old greeks threw apples to ask for someone to marry them and I mean…why? -Someone raised their hand, but Lavi kept going.- And no, you can’t throw me any apples to pass, I’m afraid. –

He ended, adressing the student, who put down his hand with the joke. 

Everyone laughed and just like that, the tension was gone.

It took the lecture two hours and fifteen minutes to end, but Allen couldn’t say time even passed. The way Lavi talked through history, every part being special, every part as exciting and interesting as the last surrounded everything in the room with an atmosphere of fairytale on its own.

Suddenly everyone started leaving and Allen’s bubble burst breaking him free from his daydreaming, the sun already hidden on its winter temper. Time dressed on illusion.

\- Hey…I hope that wasn’t too boring? – He was suddenly sitting beside him and Allen couldn’t stop the smile that immediately creeped over his lips. The feel of having him that close something that he was starting to get hooked on.

\- It was amazing. – He whispered, his eyes closing just a little bit, his white eyelashes like snowflakes crowning his eyelids. – It’s so incredible how you talk about history. I don’t remember the last time anyone talked that passionately about anything… –

And again, he was getting closer. Lavi had his arm over the back of their seat, giving him just the space to get against his chest.

\- Its just like art for me. It’s so easy to know how much it matters to you. You were so easy to listen, so cool. I.. I don’t even have words! I just love…-

There were they again, a few centimeters away. Just that.

Nose against nose, a delicate request to submit.

\- You love…? – Lavi repeated, too busy staring at his lips to really catch on his words.

\- I… I love…-

\- Yes? –

They were murmuring. Their breath making small steamy clouds as the room was getting cold without any other people. Only them once again.

\- Oh my god. –

Allen jumped at the sudden loud voice, holding Lavi’s shirt neck in his fist, his face flushed as he faced the person.

\- Professor…I…I didn’t know you… -

It was a young, blond girl. Beautiful, with big blue eyes, her bangs perfectly straight, her mouth heart shaped and rose.

Allen felt as if he knew her from before but couldn’t place her, the blood that ran through his brain too fast for him to pause into a coherent thought.

Lavi looked at her with what she thought was boredom or anger. She just couldn’t figure which.

\- What? –

The cold tone startled Allen once again, the left hand where Lavi wore his rings now over his right shoulder holding him kindly on place, protecting him.

He felt so many things.

He wanted to run.

Allen thought on how he looked, on how weird and disgusting and strange and ridiculous he was.

How he was mockable from his hair to his clothes.

On how someone like Lavi should never even should be seen with someone like him. On how he was there thinking inappropriate things when he was already taken, when he could never be loved or even noticed by him, when he…

\- I…didn’t know you were…. dating a student…-

Now he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him without anything else left behind. Among all the things he was doing wrong, he was also a student of the same college Lavi taught in.

\- And what if I am? –

It was getting a habit of Lavi saying things that threaten to hurt his neck permanently, as he turned as fast as he could to face him, incredulous of what he heard.

What was he saying?

\- I…I won’t say anything sorry. – She left quickly, her shoes making a musical sound as she left. Her dress like a doll’s disappearing with her as she left the room.

Lavi couldn’t believe what he said, the adrenaline wearing off.

\- Why didn’t you tell her? Lavi…what if she tells anybo… – Allen shyly asked.

\- Because is not of her damn business, beansprout. –

Allen looked for a sign of Lavi being upset with him, but everything was dissipated with a reassuring smile and what he guessed was a wink.

Or at least everything that wasn’t the bird trapped inside his stomach.

_You are such a dick_.

Lavi refused to pay attention to the voice that started to sound sometimes like Lenalee and some awful times, like Yuu.

They walked towards the closed the door and as everything went silent with only them, Lavi had a terrible idea, one that his body was more than happy to obey. As all bad ideas seem to have a special appeal for our body to compel.

Bad as every idea we think when silence is there and there is no voice that gives us a reason for not doing it.

His hand moved, stopping Allen from opening the door, the piece sounded loudly against its frame.

\- Lavi? – He asked, not trying again to open it, his name a question infused with edginess.

\- Yes? – Lavi responded, just behind him, his mouth so close, terribly close to his ear’s shell. Without any warning but a deep breath.

He shivered. They weren’t doing anything…and yet…

\- Aren’t we going to leave? –

_Oh Allen, as if you wish that._ He said to himself

He swallowed, trying to focus on everything beside the full height of the redhead behind him.

\- Yes, of course. – He went a little bit closer, his head now at Allen’s neck level.

_Cornering him like a prey? Is that even playing fair?_

\- T-then…? – Lavi’s other hand was resting on his waist, under the coat. Burning his way to his skin without even touching him.

And how badly, Allen realized, how badly he wanted him to **touch him**.

\- Then…- And his breath crushed with the same neck he dreamed to kiss.

_Yeah, let’s ruin our friendship. Let’s ruin everyone’s friendship. Let’s be lovers instead._

Allen didn’t know where to keep his hands, so he kept them against the wall, careful not to move them, afraid of where they would end if he wouldn’t. A very weak defense between the separation and being pushed against the door.

_Just a little._ His mind said. _A little bit of poison in me._

_I can taste your skin on my teeth_. Was the answer in the mind just next to his, both without saying anything out loud. Equally heated thoughts that weren’t shared.

Lavi’s brain, with every knowledge on how history ended when you betray someone like Yuu; decided to only work with the heat department, submerged in how everything would go if he could just take a little bite on that pristine perfectly tempting pale neck.

A single action.

A simple mark.

A lonely butterfly that would bring a hurricane.

His lips were already brushing him. And he wasn’t saying no.

\- L-Lavi…-His back was flushed against the redhead chest, his hand moving over Allen’s torso, hugging him more, his palm daring to be open to feel just a little more.

\- Allen. – That was it.

He was shoved against him with only listening to his name. His hands leaving the door to hold his arm, without any intention of pushing him aside, more like wanting him to stay holding him; letting his breath leave from his parted lips.

Looking him in the eyes? Never. Lavi would melt. He was strong, he was a great player…but no one on earth was **_that_** good.

\- Nh..- It was a small almost inaudible noise but it was a symphony to the tallest ears.

There was no phone call to keep them away now. Both of them left in silence as the university asked.

_Do it._

A game of tag where none of them would decide who would be _“it”_.

Allen wanted to look at that gorgeous green eye, but, how could he? If only having him behind him was enough to strip him of every milligram of common sense, he could ever own?

He curled his lips, vaguely aware of the sound he made, closing his eyes as if this was enough to resist the urge.

Lavi licked his lips slowly, the only thing that could cloud his mind over there between his arms.

What was the reason he didn’t already kissed Allen?

He remembered the first time they met and how badly he wished to kiss him for him to wake. So peacefully slept like a princess. So wonderfully beautiful. So…

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

He hugged Allen with both arms, dragging him away from the door like he was just his to care and take; the pure idea of someone else watching him like that a poisonous thought.

\- Sorry, professor. I was about to clean the room…thought nobody was here. –

\- Don’t worry, we were leaving. – He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eye.

He grabbed Allen’s hand and start walking quickly down the hall. The air hitting him in the face with cold and a pinch of reality.

What was he thinking? Pinning him against the door?

What was the plan? Doing him over the desk like last month research? Fucking him right there?

He wanted to smack his own face against a wall.

Allen didn’t dare to speak, his mind too wild to understand what was happening.

_I really miss going to the bar._

He missed the easy life of pouring drinks and being nobody else business. Instead on pouring himself into that man.

Now, dealing with a hot history professor/librarian on his very couch each night and _whatever_ that happened every time they were close?

He surely was going to explode.

Whenever you are bad at tag, your best chance is to _be it,_ but unfortunately for Allen, he was just running in circles, not really wanting to run away from who was really _it._

                            

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers, I am baffled. How are you all here? I honestly thought 3 people would reading now and here you are! Giving this mess kudos. I am really thankful!
> 
> I am having a lot of fun with this fanfic, I hope you are too. Please, don't be shy, if you have anything to say I am always glad to read your comments. If you don't want anyone else to know you are in this deep hell of waiting for ever that is D.Gray Man, you can send me a private message! 
> 
> Anyway, thanks!


	4. Milk & Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always something lurking in the dark that wait until you sleep to catch you. 
> 
> A nightmare, some tears and a proposition to share a bed.

The walk home was made in complete silence. 

Allen didn’t dare to say anything; peeking from time to time to see Lavi’s face, who was more serious than ever. 

He bit his lip. 

Whatever happened inside that classroom was starting to fade in the mist of daydreaming. 

Did it mean anything? 

Probably not. Probably, Lavi was only playing and teasing him like always. Maybe he was planning to scare him or was having fun making him blush, like always. For god’s sake, he could even be avoiding someone outside. 

It was nothing… right? 

When Allen reached this point in his forever going train of thought he found himself staring back at Lavi; who still had that strange serious expression that didn’t quite fit with his handsome features.  

He offered his hand and Allen gave his own without much hesitation. Then, that pretty green eye he liked so much trashed his severe aura, immediately softening with tenderness. 

The silver-haired didn’t understand, still waiting for something to happen. 

Lavi squeezed his hand softly and rubbed his thumb in three small circles. 

-The keys, Allen. – his voice was kind and tired, a sprinkle of a discreet chuckle in the middle. And Allen listened, taking a moment to analyze his words. 

The redhead waited patiently, giving him a smile that slowly grew like one of his regulars, the ones that, just when he wasn’t expecting them, made Allen heart skip a beat. He moved their hands up and down playfully, guessing the smaller didn’t understand what he have said. 

-Well? We can’t get in without them… - 

Then, the words finally got, magically, in his same language, making him blush furiously at his ignorance.  

-Ah, right! Sorry! I sort of spaced out! – 

He pulled the keys out of his pocket with his other hand, since Lavi was still holding the right one with both of his own. Finding himself unable to pull away. 

Lavi took the keys, without leaving his hand, opening the door fairly quickly for someone that didn’t have their own set. 

The door opened, and Tim went to meow to them, only to disappear after. 

-Hello to you too, little golem. - 

They got in and Lavi was attentive enough to wait for Allen to go ahead of him before closing the door. Then he walked to the sofa and let himself drop onto it, stretching.  

Allen, on the other side went to the kitchen to get a glass of water as he put the coffee maker to do its job. He observed the machine a little bit, always entertained by the little purr it made as it was getting warm.  

The water was too cold, anticipating the night weather, everything silent.  

Lavi thought about how everything seemed to be against him that day. Not that he was consciously trying to kiss Allen but… Everything appeared to be there to stop him whenever it was incidental or not.  

-Do you… Do you want some coffee? –  

There he was. Resting against the door frame, a cup in his hand. The coat hanged against the door, the cardigan he was wearing hurting his eye with the adorability it was giving him.  

-Isn’t a bit late for you to drink coffee? –  

He was offering him a smile; his hand raised, waiting for the cup.  

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, and it was only a weird dream.  

Very carefully he extended the drink to the redhead, a smile in return that never reached his eyes and hurt Lavi like a punch in the liver.  

-I have an exam tomorrow, I don’t think I will be sleeping soon. –  

He sat in the loveseat, curling his legs against his chest as he stared at the window, only darkness outside.  

-Do you need any help? I’m a teacher, after all. –  

It was an unfortunate selection of words.  

Allen couldn’t stop thinking about the girl and how she thought they were dating.  

-I am sorry, Lavi. –  

He refused to look at him and Lavi left the cup in the table, trying to decipher why was the apology for. 

-About what? – His profile against the sleepy yellow street light from near the apartment like the course of a story.  

Little curves and details, long eyelashes and a nose that seemed chosen to exist only in that face. His lips were particularly plump making him look like he was forever making a pout. The scar was invisible from his point of view, the style of a perfect poem of an angel.  

-For the troubles of one of your students thinking we are dating… I am really sorry. I didn’t know it was looking like a date or something…- 

Lavi replayed the sentences over and over, every part a different emotion.  

It was a desperation to hug him, when he said he was sorry for the troubles; a terrible acid pain when he said he was really sorry, as if it was unthinkable to see them as a couple and confusion when he said he didn’t know how it was looking like.  

And as every time Lavi tried to handle too much emotions at the same time, his logic tried to hang into something he understood: questions.  

-What do you mean? Haven’t Yuu take you to any dates or what? –  

It was a joke.  

One that his brain didn’t work a lot.  

-Uh… we went to dinner out sometimes. – Allen turn to see him; the redhead now sitting on the floor beside him.  

The absurd cocky smile got erased from his face. The impression feeling like a slap.  

-What? Why? 

Allen started thinking, staring at the ceiling.  

-I don’t know. I’m usually busy every day, mostly at weekends… and when I’m at finals usually Kanda doesn’t like to even talk to me, because he wants me to concentrate so… -  

He couldn’t believe it. Yuu was such a responsible adult now. If he was in his place? Damn, he would take Allen to the highway to damnation and fun.  

How could anyone would ever let him be a professor?  

-And how are your exams planned? Do you have all two weeks booked now? –  

-I have two exams tomorrow, a paper for Friday and two more for Wednesday. –  

Lavi sipped his coffee as he listened.  

-So, you  **do**  have free days! –  

His arm was resting on the couch, his head now resting at Allen’s lap.  

-Sort of, yes. – His hair was like strands of pure magic, slipping towards him as Allen let him be there.

-Then how about a date? –

\- You sure like risking yourself, Lavi. -At first the redhead thought he was listening to his inner voice, but Allen’s lips were moving as the words were spoken. – I could just drop you, you know? –

Lavi made a pout and Allen entertained himself with staring at the necklace he was wearing. Everything to dodge his stare.

-I’m being serious. – He saw how the other tried to look at the door, avoiding him as well as his question. – I’ll take you out; we can go to the museum or to a club. Have you ever been in one? –

Allen finally looked at him, his eyes like storm clouds with annoyance. His lips curled in an expression that gave the redhead a boost in all the wrong places.

_Look at that, now you are also a masochist!_

\- I work in a bar Lavi. Maybe it won’t be as nice as a _club,_ but I bet is the same at the end. –

-Drunk people and nice music? – His smile was so bright and huge that Allen rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh. – _Pleaaaase?_ It would be fun, I swear! You can use it to release stress from the exams. Come onnnnnn –

He waited until his target peeked by the corner of his eye, making the best _puppy eyes_ he could manage.

Finally, Allen started laughing, a sound that made him think, would be enough to keep him living forever.

\- You are a **dork**! -He covered his mouth as he kept giggling and the taller had to use all his self-restraint to not hold him and ask him to never do it again because he was loving him that way.

-Is that a yes? –

-Yes. Whatever. Stop bothering me. – A stroke on his cheek that Lavi received more than gladly…until Allen got up suddenly, making him hit his head against the sofa.

\- Ouch! I could have died! – He laid on the floor, dramatically.

Allen only rolled his eyes again, taking his book to check another time the definition he needed for his final.

A few seconds passed, and he returned to Lavi’s side, sitting in the floor with him.

\- You don’t seem very dead to me. – They stayed like that for more hours that they realized. Allen reading as Lavi played absently on his phone.

\- I can ask you, if you want. So, you can know what you need to review. – Once again, he used Allen as a pillow; the turning of a page his answer.

\- Lavi…does your mouth gets itchy when you aren’t talking? – Lavi loved the sassiness of the guy. It was like a never-ending game that only kept getting better instead of worse like in most of the sequels.

\- Sometimes…- An adorable chuckle that made him vibrate, the temptation of getting off the eyepatch so he could finally see him fully, almost unbearable.

He kept silent this time, letting the time pass as he studied.

 

His phone showed him a symbol of a red battery that flashed once and twice and then, it was dead.

\- Maaaan, I was going to beat my score! – He blew air, his copper hair moving unto his face without the bandana. – Maybe I should get a hair band. – He took one lock of his hair and pulled it distractedly. - What do you think? Would I look handsome in a hair band instead of my bandana? –

No answer.

\- Beansprout? – Still, without one. – Allen? –

He turned to see him and realized, between surprise and bliss, that Allen was asleep, his head resting on his own. Orange and white.

\- Oh you. Why do you this to me? I am not supposed to fall in love with you. – He sighed, wiggling some more to get enough room to lift him. – But I guess is too late for that? I don’t know… -

He finally lifted him, the weight hurting his shoulders.

\- God, you are heavy! – The walk to his room now seeming a thousand miles away. – Do you believe in love at first sight, Allen? –

He started walking, a step at a time, afraid to either dropping him or waking him up.

\- Of course, you do. – All his words were smothered by the effort, but he was decisive in at least, doing that for him. – How else would you end dating Yuu? –

He laughed at his own joke, a whizzing coming out instead.

Finally, what it was three years for him, ended leaving him as graciously as he could over his bed.

\- There you go princess. – Lavi looked for a blanket, covering him. He sat beside him to catch his breath and as his weight shifted the pressure on the bed; Allen extended his hand looking for his.

The redhead observed, letting him do.

\- You are such a demon. – A tender smile creeped to his lips, slowly drawing the motion. – Do you want me to melt? You are so fucking adorable. –

_Emphasis in **fucking**?_

He scratched the bridge of his nose, something he recurred when he was getting cornered and stressed.

\- Yeah, _whatever._ –

And then the door opened, a ray of the light of the hall falling on the silver-haired face. Tincampy emitted a familiar chirping as he entered, only to get in the small space that the window ledge allowed him.  

His eye again over Allen; so peacefully asleep. So relaxed. So beautiful.

Lavi ducked a little, until he was so close to him that the soft whistling noise his breathing was, was loud and clear to him.

His heart dancing around his chest. A bit closer and he planted a chaste kiss on his temple.

\- Goodnight snowflake. –

And with all his might, he got up, leaving the piece of heaven that was that scene. Closing the door behind.

He dropped on the couch that was starting to feel more like his home and as he connected his phone, he drifted away; the part of his hand that Allen touched feeling incredibly warm.

 

Four. Three. Seven.

Those red numbers were the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. It was getting hard to breath.

He could hear himself trying to do it, a disgusting harsh cough.

A salty drop fell on one of his eyes, making everything worse. He managed to sit on the bed, pushing the mount of the moon of both of his hands unto his sockets.

A terrible bad move that allowed exhaustion to roll his head like a pair of dice. Quickly, Allen tried to open his eyes, the light of his nightstand clock making them water.

He extended his arm, looking for a comfortable presence that would at least, stop the racing, crazy elevator his heart became.

Up and down, never stopping. More like those fair games that makes you think that would be the day you would die.

But the bed was empty, as no one was there.

Allen rubbed his left eye, the one that the scar passed over; as he probed the nightstand looking for his phone.

The sound of a whack made him sight in frustration as he realized he just dropped the thing.

With a piercing headache that came in waves torturing his brain, he crawled out of his bed to retrieve the device; and if that wasn’t enough the blinding bright screen received him with a new battle at trying to unblock the thing.

He tried two times and finally it worked, looking quickly through the few numbers he had for one. He hit the button and closing his eyes, he listened to the dialing tone.

A click on the other side as finally someone picked up.

\- _Beansprout, it’s something wrong?_ –

\- Yuu…Hi. – His voice was a croak and he tried to clear his throat to fix it, without success.

\- _What time is it over there?_ – Kanda was someone pretty hard to guess over the phone; his words the same either angry or fine.

\- Uhm, I think four? In the…in the morning? I’m not sure…listen.. –

- _It’s Lavi over there? At the flat?_ –

Allen tried to process his words as quickly as he could, the sound hammering behind his eyes.

\- Yes? Yes, he is at the living room… I just…-

\- _Allen._ –

His name.

He stopped talking, knowing that was exactly what he wanted.

\- _Is this something urgent?_ –

The Japanese rushed his words in the only signal of his irritation.

\- N-no…I guess not. I had…I had a nightmare and…-

- _Then wake up Lavi. That’s why he is over there. I am in a meeting._ –

Allen felt something slimy tiptoe and nest under his chest. A nasty and lukewarm substance that tried to sneak over his organs and drown him. A punch with a wet and hot rag on the face; the smacking making a deafening hollow noise.

Embarrassment.

He was a twenty-something man, calling over his boyfriend on the other side of the world…because of a nightmare.

\- Right…sorry. Good luck. –

He hung up, swallowing heavy a knot made of repressed tears.

_Go talk to Lavi then._

\- I don’t want to bother him, either…-

Now, the child that always hid behind every smartass thing he said, spoke. His shame palpable.

Instead, Allen skulked back to bed, hugging the blanket; trying once more to sleep.

 

\- Lavi? Lavi are you awake? –

The voice was so soft that Lavi swore he almost didn’t want for him to be.

\- Yes, baby. What’s up? –

He felt his hands fiercely grabbing his arm, the warning of a mark that would certainly be there the next day. A warning that also alarmed him to open his eye instantly.

\- Allen? Hey, are you ok? –

As Lavi begged for his eyepatch to stay right in place, he looked as two rivers of tears were filled constantly, with every blinking his owner made.

His prayer wasn’t hear. The piece of cloth moving just enough for him to sneak peek with his other eye, but not allowing for it to be seen.

He sat quickly, everything inside him a hurricane of worry.

Lavi didn’t had more family than his grandfather and he always thought that since he had the _“gift”_ of seeing the future, there wouldn’t be a thing that could hurt him anymore.

Oh, but how wrong he was and how awful was to comprehend this.

A crack that ended pulverizing his heart. How painful was to see Allen crying! The shock leaving him motionless; staring at the source of his suffering.

\- I…I’m sorry…I…- The sobbing was interrupting his sentence and now, Lavi found himself battling to breath. It was as if someone was taking his time destroying him from the inside. Every bone, every muscle, every cell. – I…had a nigh-nightmare… and I…I can’t sleep…I am sorry…! –

He started crying. The weeping liquifying what it was left from the inside of the redhead.

How could everyone stand such a painful thing? How could Yuu cope with looking at that face crying and live another day not trying…no…Not **forcing** himself to take the **duty** of making that man smile, **_Every. Single. Second._**

He threw himself at Allen, hugging him, terrified that he would break. Trying to keep everything together.

\- No, no, no, no, no, Allen! Baby… Baby don’t think that! Don’t say that! It’s ok. Don’t cry! It’s ok, you can wake me up whenever… It’s ok…-

Lavi started rocking him as he spoke, gently petting his hear and trying not to cry himself whenever he listened to Allen. He squeezed him, worried he wouldn’t feel protected enough.

\- It’s ok. I’m hear for you. I’ll always be here, yes? – As he calmed, he separated himself, just enough to see his face; fearing for his nerves.

 

 - Ok? I’ll be here. I’m here baby. – His forehead against his.

Allen nodded, hugging him again.

The redhead sighed, feeling at least, a little more together.

\- What was the nightmare about, mh? Do you want to talk about it? – His voice was a whisper. Too gentle and too kind. – Sometimes when you talk about them out loud, they transform into stupid, little things. Almost funny…-

Desperation. Whatever he needed to do to make him happy again.

\- It was…-His eyelashes were adorned with some tears. Vaguely Lavi was reminded of a winter angel. – It was a- about some man… -

He listened, trying to give some sense to everything that was happening.

Allen thought he would interrupt him and held his breath. But Lavi never did. Instead, he was running one hand along his back, trying to comfort him.

\- I was in a hallway…and he was just there. Everything was dark and…and he was just staring at me…-

He swallowed, afraid he would be mocked about such stupid dream.

\- I see. – The redhead said, not a single second letting him go. – Do you have this dream often? –

The smaller nodded.

It was actually a nightmare he had since he was a child. One that appeared periodically and freaked out for no logical reason.

Just a man. Alone in the darkness. A hallway with no other light but the one coming from a streetlight that was behind the man, giving away his silhouette.

He was wearing a dressing shirt that was black as well and had short hair.

Everything es was too dark to define.

But every time, Allen was unable to move; the man staring at him, his hands folded behind his back and sometimes…when he couldn’t wake up soon…he noticed the man slowly smiled at him.

Making him feel not only that he was trapped, but that he was never meant to leave. A terrifying smile that gave him nothing but fear.

Only once, he woke up Kanda as he just did with Lavi, but the response was an entirely different thing.

“ _\- Was this man doing you something? Did he hurt you? –_

_-No. –_

_Yuu stared at him in confusion, the tiredness showing on his face._

_\- Then? Why are you afraid of him? –_

_He knew he wasn’t trying to be mean. It was just the logical step to follow. And he himself couldn’t understand why he was afraid of that shadow figure. But that never stopped the fear from pumping his blood with venom and horror._

_\- I don’t know…-_

_-See? There is nothing to fear, beansprout. Just go to sleep. You can hold to my hand if that makes you fear better.- “_

Sometimes it helped. But some others it didn’t.

Allen found out he was able to sleep again if he could feel someone with him; a ridicule security blanket he wasn’t able to let go even now.

\- It’s ok Allen. – Lavi was taking some space and he couldn’t stop himself, holding to him like a koala to the last tree standing. Allen looked at him afraid, the absence of the eyepatch surprising enough to let go a little.

Still, his other eye was covered by his thick, orange hair, that covered it like a mysterious cartoon character.

\- I’m sorry if its stupid… - He mumbled.

\- I don’t think it’s stupid. -A sigh and his hand kindly lifting his chin up.- Stuff you can’t either understand or explain are pretty scary. I would be creepied out as well if some random guy was staring at me from the darkness. –

Allen was speechless. He stared intensely, trying to understand how and why was Lavi being like that with him.

After some long moments, Lavi smiled cautiously.

\- Is there something on my face? –

\- You aren’t wearing the eyepatch. – He practically slapped himself with his quick response that was filled with a comical shock that eased Allen’s heart. – And you have your other eye! Would you look at that! –

Lavi bit his inner cheek, staring at him. A painkiller on its own the way he was laughing.

\- Of course I have it! What do you mean? –

He noticed Allen was over his lap, the knowledge on when that happened lost, but well received.

\- I don’t know, I thought you were some kind of pirate. How else do you explain someone wearing one of those in this year? –

Lavi kept his hand on its place, not sure if Allen really saw his eye or was just messing with him.

-Because it’s cool as fuck and I like it. – The other raised his gaze to see him, a loving look with a pair of pink cheeks that were still stained by the long marks the tears leave that warmed every part of his soul.

\- Yeah, I guess it’s a bit cool. – He sniffed and Lavi felt safe enough to separate his hand, knowing, for some reason, that Allen wouldn’t try to see his face without his consent.

\- Ok beansprout… How about we take you to bed and you have at least some rest before this final of yours? I have to torment some students tomorrow as well, you know? –

Allen closed his hands in fists, that incidentally, grabbed some of the fabric from Lavi’s pajama pants.

Aware of this, and knowing it only could meant the boy was still frightened by his nightmare; he rubbed his arms affectionally.

\- Or I can…uhm stay with you until you sleep? I mean they can’t start the exam without the professor…right? –

Allen smiled, thankful for the offering.

\- That would be nice. – He refused to look at his face. Instead, he focused on his shirt, a pair of crossed keys that were printed in white ink. He let go the cloth, following Lavi subtill movements and getting up.

\- Oh no, buddy you ain’t going the good way. – The red head got quickly on his feet and getting advantage of Allen’s confusion, he picked him up the floor manhandling him over his shoulder.

An involuntary scream that evolved into a laugh.

\- Put me down you over sized walking carrot! – He fought a bit, the laugh weighting down his efforts.

\- Such a big mouth! – He could tell his back would be killing him on the morning. But he couldn’t care less. -Can’t take it anymore, need to put you to bed! - He dropped Allen on the bed an “ _oomf!”_ punched out of his body as he hit the mattress. Sitting at the edge he smiled at him the nightlight on.

\- Make some room, hoarder. – Allen rolled on the bed, showing him his tongue, naïve enough to not know how badly Lavi wanted to kiss him.

The door was half open but getting up was out of the question. As they finally covered with the comforter; Lavi sat, taking out of his pocket a very worn copy of a book that had the title vanished by the use. The lamp on the nightstand doing wonders for his reading.

Allen lied there, looking at him. His cheek against the cold but fluffy pillow.

\- Do I still have something on my face or you _really_ want to see my other eye? –

He never raised his eyes, still working the words.

\- What are you reading? –

Lavi adored how many contrasts Allen’s voice could portray. A small smile that was hurting his cheeks now, as he turned the page.

 - _Tolstói. War and Peace._ \- He stated. Allen went silent for three seconds, squirming on his place.

\- Isn’t that a drama? – Now he was near him, his body heat making him want to hug him.

\- It is. –

More silence.

\- Can I hug you? –

Lavi wanted to see him. But his eye stayed glued at the words he wasn’t understanding anymore.

\- Of course, love. – Allen didn’t waste any time. He hugged him, cuddling against his left side, squeezing himself as closer as he could; closing his eyes as he smelled the fabric softener Lavi seemed to use without restrictions.

He smiled widely at the last word. He knew he spoke like that, but the thought he was the receptacle of a pet name that was that kind only made his chest bubble.

\- Is it good? Never took you as someone into drama… - A paragraph without context that he didn’t understand but triggered his curiosity. He heard about the novel before, historical fiction not being precisely his favorite for the tendency to inaccuracy.

\- Oh baby. – Lavi looked at him and Allen felt his cheeks burning; unable to hear Lavi’s heart regardless of how close he was because of his own, beating on his ears. – I just **_love_** drama. –

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If everything goes right I will be uploading this 1 chapter a week. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	5. Soap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen has a final to take and a decision to make. After the events of the last night, he sure has a lot on his mind, and what would be better to talk about it over a coffee with a friend?
> 
> Back and forth. Movie night and some things that doesn't need to be said. 
> 
> At least not with words.

There was no light to wake him up. No alarm to warn him about the hour.

Yet, Allen was opening his eyes around seven, his final starting an hour later. The walk to the faculty was only fifteen minutes and as he thought about this fact, he stretched grateful for a wonderful night of sleep.

A few inches away the worn-out book that Lavi was reading last night was resting over two or three folded pages, pressed against the mattress. Allen extended his arm to pick it up and fix it. But as soon as he attempted the movement the arm around his waistline tightened.

He stopped. Retreating his hand.

As his sight followed the source of the pressure, he remembered that Yuu was out of town, a sensation of being time-lost.

The arm that was binding him was smooth, covered by the sleeve only until the elbow. The hand of this person, lovingly resting on his stomach had two silver rings. One in the index and one in the middle.

The wrist also was adorned by three black bracelets.

Allen put his hand over that one and the touch brought the memories of last night, when he cried and asked Lavi to at least stay with him till’ he was asleep.

Carefully, he turned on that embrace, facing the redhead. His hair falling over his peaceful face.

They were closer than ever. Allen was unable to even look further their torsos. He touched his cheek, moving the strands of hair away to finally see Lavi’s face.

It was strange to see him without the eyepatch and he did it only because he was asleep; something he wouldn’t dare to do with him awake.

_How about a kiss?_

He lowered his hand a little, caressing Lavi’s lips with one finger, trying not to put any pressure on the gesture.

The room was still dark and still, Allen indulged himself observing every feature compensate with his face uncovered.

At a restauration class he was learnt how beautiful some things are when they were broken or incomplete, the restauration ruining them. But some others, in some cases, ended up as an even much beautiful piece of art. One that should always be preserved in such perfect state, the beauty of the original not possible to imagine.

That’s how Lavi looked to him without the patch.

He bit his lower lip. The necessity of seeing him with both of his eyes open now.

The memory of Lavi covering his eye in a flash when he mentioned it last night coming back fresh, making him sigh.

\- I have to get up, Lavi. – The face of the other impassive. – I really do and you are making this super hard… -

_In what way?_

Allen put his forehead against Lavi’s shoulder.

\- Lavi… - He called for him a bit louder. – I have to leave. –

Maybe it was how close he was to his ear, but Lavi lessen his hold, giving him room to leave.

He got up, picking up the poor, wrinkled book. He closed it, leaving it at the nightstand and turning off the light.

For the final he chose some navy-blue jeans, some slip-on vans on beige and a white V-neck t-shirt under a knitted yellow sweater that had an ivory slim stripe running over his chest and some others running around his arms.

Picking his phone, he quickly took his bag to leave, going back for only one thing that he was brave enough to do only because of the rush and the fact that Lavi was still asleep.

\- Thanks. –

He kissed his cheek, running now to the door, quickly checking as he passed that Tincampy bowl of food was still half full at least.

Closing the door, he left it unlocked, only to not leave the redhead stuck in.

Inside, Lavi opened his other eye. Golden around the pupil, a single green spot that seemed to melt, fusing with the other color like a nebula.

This eye closed again, Lavi turning on his sleep his alarm sounding at least in three hours more.

 

The clock ticked, and Allen was staring at the exam trying to understand the questions. He read again and again but the thing printed on the paper didn’t look like anything he ever seen before.

A part of his brain told him he was only nervous, but the rest was pretty sure the thing was ancient Greek; the letters contorted in weird shapes.

\- What the…- The student beside him turn to see him, making him bite the pen instead. –

Concentration was pretty easy for him usually. What was happening? It was only an exam! Actually, there were very few questions… Why was he taking all that time?

He closed his eyes.

_Focus!_

A provocative smirk that slowly moved, letter by letter saying his name.

_A-L-L-E-N_

A shiver that force his eyes wide open.

 _I can’t fucking believe this!_ _Come on Allen! Focus! Just…read the thing!_

He stared at the paper trying to read it at least three times more. At the other side of the classroom a student got up to deliver his final.

Now, the tension was urging him in a repetitive mantra to concentrate.

And, after at least five minutes more, he managed to do it.

He answered every question, the pen running on the free spaces like it was a matter of life and death.

Soon it was all over. Allen almost running outside the class after leaving the thing over his teacher desk.

The man stared at his back as he left, usually always able to talk to him whenever class or the exams were finished.

On the hallway Allen walked quickly, feeling like he was being chased with nobody behind him. He turned left unto a corner, his back against the wall.

His breathing was accelerated, and he felt how his blood was starting to accumulate over his cheeks.

Why was he so embarrassed for?

Again, the picture of the smirk appeared, and he covered his face, bright red, knowing it was Lavi’s.

\- I’m a freaking dumbass. –

Allen stayed like that a little, looking for his phone on his bag; uncovering his face to find the contact of his best friend.

\- Hi…hey are you free today? I’m out of my final and I wondered…-

- _If I was missing you? –_

He chuckled. Breathing a little easier.

\- Yes. Do you want to go for a walk or…? –

- _No! It’s super cold today Allen! I know! Let’s go to Church! –_

Allen laughed for the irony.

 _Church_ , was the name of a coffee nearby that was named like that because of an old group of nuns that used to go there every single day when it started.

\- I’ll meet you there in five, then. –

His friend hung up and breathe deeply, trying to relax.

 

\- You arrived early. I should make a wish! – Allen looked at her dearly.

Lenalee was his best friend and more than that, she was her oldest friend. She knew him before he dated Kanda and she knew everything about him.

\- Ha-ha. So funny. –

He pushed the cup of tea he asked for her and she sat beside him. She was wearing a beanie with a brown pompom over it, her hair down, mixing with the purple scarf she was wearing.

\- Soooo. – Lenalee said, looking at how Allen was smiling to his coffee like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. – What happened? Why are you so happy? Did you win an art competition? –

Allen look was so surprised and embarrassed Lenalee changed her mind immediately.

\- It has something to do with Kanda, then? –

A question she regretted as soon as it left her mouth.

Lenalee loved Kanda. He was a close friend. Yes, he was cranky and moody and almost always was with a frown on his face; but she knew why it was there.

She recalled how Kanda used to be nicer and calmer few years ago and was hurt by the memory of that being stripped away from him.

Now, Allen was giving her a worried and fearful expression. Almost the same expression that once made her thought Kanda was taking his bitterness a step farther and hurting him physically.

She loved Kanda, but not for that she was blind to how he seemed hellbent on sabotage his own relationships.

\- I’m sorry… Are you good? –

Allen avoided looking her in the eye and her heart sunk to her feet. If they broke up, she surely knew how to pour salt to the wound.

But if they did…why was Allen smiling a few seconds ago?

\- Uhm…yes. I think. – He shrugged, turning his eyes to the window; the delicate droplets like an almost invisible curtain that later would be transformed into snow.

\- Is there something you want to say, then? –

Leena put her hand over Allen’s that briefly looked at her from the corner of his eye. The scar looking redder than ever; the weather making his skin paler.

\- I…wanted to talk to you about someone…-A pause she didn’t pressure into. – Someone I…I like. –

The girl tried with all her might not changing her expression.

\- Someone that isn’t Kanda. –

She punctuated. Allen nodded and she sighed, wondering why her friend chose her for such confessions.

\- Yes. Its… - He sighed deeply and tired and with his other friend he covered his face, his elbow resting on the table. – It’s actually a friend of Yuu… -

Lenalee observed. That conversation echoing with another she had the day before.

She didn’t say anything, waiting for him to explain.

\- You see…this guy and I…we…well we are friends? Well… _friends._ – Allen made a lot of gestures when he got nervous and Lenalee crossed her hands to rest her chin as she listened.

At first, she thought she would be upset. Kanda was his boyfriend. He was her friend. And there he was, speaking about another guy.

As her brother said “ _The body wasn’t even cold and y’all be dispensing the goods!”_

But she found out, she wasn’t mad at all. As Allen spoke, she only could notice the little things.

How his face lit up. How his smile was so sincere it was obviously hard for him to even try to hide it. How he put a lock of his hair again and again behind his ear as he always did when he was so happy he was trying not to burst. How he bit his lips over and over and had his hands rubbing his face like he was trying to erase that excitement he wasn’t allowed to feel.

Allen had a terrible childhood. She recalled how hard was to get near to him and how horrible was to stay on her seat and listen every gruesome detail about how his stepfather used him to pay his debts and how his birthparents abandoned him at a side of a road one day on December because of the unusual coloring of his arm that was, more surely than not, only a birth mark.

Lenalee thought in all of this as Allen spoke about Lavi. She thought how she could call Kanda and told him. But she also thought on how that would not only destroy him, but also her two other friends.

And as if it was true than Kanda deserved to be happy after such a tragedy with his ex… It was also true that he was wasting the opportunity life gave him through Allen.

She had a serious expression that, even when it wasn’t that unusual when she was thinking, made him repent of his decision to tell her that he thought he was starting to have a crush with Lavi.

\- Uh…oh there it goes. I said too much, it overflowed…Why do I always spill…? – Lenalee took his hand again, putting her other one over it as well.

\- Allen…you really like him? – She didn’t sound upset and surely didn’t sound like she was judging him.

\- I…I think I do. –

He gulped, suddenly feeling the room was too hot.

\- Then I think you should tell him. – Lenalee smiled sincerely, making her decision. – But first I think you should be sure about what do you feel about this guy. I am not trying to pressure you or making you feel bad…But you have a boyfriend Allen. –

He looked away, the shame strangling him. She gently took her face, making him see her in her eyes again.

\- I’m just saying, if you find out you truly love him…go for it. Just be sure. I don’t want you to regret anything. I want you to be happy. –

Allen thought thoroughly about what she said and nodded decisively. But facing her again deflated every single idea he managed to create.

\- You…you don’t think I’m awful right? I mean…You are friend with Kanda and… -

\- Hey, I’m a big girl; I can think for myself. –

He laughed and they started talking about more mundane things. Like his exam.

\- ….And then I was reading and I swear Leena! I couldn’t understand a thing! It was horrible! –

Outside the window behind Allen, Lenalee saw a tall ginger guy that, maybe because she was looking, and destiny had such funny ways of being, turned to face her. His jaw falling when she wiggled her fingers saluting him.

 She doubled checked on Allen and as she was sure he wasn’t looking, she mouthed to him as clearly as she could: _I know._

Allen was constantly reminded about marble statues when he observed Lavi for much time, but if he could’ve seen his face at that precise moment, he could’ve sworn he was one. The color drained from his skin.

The redhead went around the corner to get in the café, realizing, only when he was already inside the place, that he didn’t have any plan.

He was two meters behind Lenalee and could see Allen happily speaking about something he couldn’t hear. What he was going to do…? Why did he even step inside?

\- Lavi! Hi! –

The things Lenalee would give if she was able to take a picture of those two!

Allen shut up immediately, curling his lips in the most comical expression she ever seen. The coffee almost slipping from his hands.

On the other side, Lavi was frozen mid-step, his eye fulminating her. His mouth was a complete downside curve and his complete picture made him look just like one of those models that seemed payed to portray a frown.

She smiled wide, taking the opportunity to look at Lavi’s choice of clothes. Something that always called him out on how he was feeling that day. And in this particular moment, letting her know how much he cared about Allen’s impression of him.

He was wearing a light brown hooded poncho with a pattern in chocolate, conformed mostly from triangles. Underneath he had a black long-sleeved shirt. With some worn out jeans of a faded blue and a pair of dark ankle boots.

Her smile was hurting her cheeks now, realizing he also was wearing not only his regular rings and bracelets, but also a different style of piercings as well as black bandana with a discreet golden triangle.

A shame he was wearing the eyepatch, the golden of the accessory making his different colored eyes pop out beautifully.

Lavi was, for her, the nearest thing to a human peacock. The more he dressed up, the more he was interested. A really easy way to read him.

\- Aren’t you going to sit? You are blocking everyone’s path…-

He blinked several times, looking like a large angry fox. She played innocent, offering him a seat, which finally made him walk over there.

Lenalee could hear inside her head his voice threatening for a revenge, but the amusement was far too good to ignore.

\- I don’t know if you two met before? – They exchanged stressed looks that produced a more anxious smiles.- Allen, this is Lavi. Lavi, Allen. –

\- Yes, we know each other. – Both said at the same time.

And if Lenalee had her doubts before that moment was what made her sure to step away from the situation.

As their eyes met, both giggled stupidly; looking at each other lovingly for more than ten seconds. Then Allen switched his stare to his cup, the smile never leaving his face, the gesture of playing with his hair back.

Lavi, beside her was, covering his mouth with his left. The same smile plastered on his lips making him look like a dork. He looked to the side instead, the chair that was left the most interesting thing on the world by the looks.

She waited for them to start talking, too interested into seeing what she never had a chance to presence from the relationship of Allen with his boyfriend.

\- How was the final? –

\- Did you sleep well? –

Both at the same time.

Lenalee wanted to laugh. How adorable that was! They were just like teenagers.

\- Fine! Thank you! –

\- Great! Finally, the rest I needed! –

Again, their words overlapping.

She stayed as they started speaking but as the conversation advanced and neither of them apparently could spare a second to stop looking into each other eyes she stood up quietly and left. Deciding she would keep the secret, at least as long as the two of them were _that_ happy.

Because they deserved it as well.

 

\- I feel so bad with Leena! – Allen said as they stepped together in the apartment, more than six hours later.

\- I know, I didn’t notice either when she left. – Lavi relived those hours in his mind, calculating how they passed around two hours talking, stopping only because the alarm in Allen’s phone set off reminding him about his other exam at one forty-five.

Then he waited the two hours the exam took; Allen’s teacher making them all wait until the last student was over, so he could have some words with them about the grades.

After that they spent an hour and a half eating at a place nearby, only to switch places, Allen waiting for him to test his students two hours more, making him regret not asking them for a written work instead.

But time flew by when they were together. And that was something he never felt with anybody before.

\- Do you want to do anything tonight? – Allen was sipping from a milkshake he had on the way; wearing again Lavi’s bandana that he lent him, so his hair wasn’t all over his face, sticking over his lips because of the balm he had on them.

The image made Lavi’s soul came out of his body in pure joy, his heart racing on the back of his mouth.

\- Beside babysitting you? – He smirked, trying and failing to not wear it on his sleeve.

\- Oh, so that’s how you call it? – Allen bit the straw of his strawberry milkshake, a thing he did when he was having a good time. – If that makes you feel better, sure. Beside babysitting this beautiful face. –

He ended the sentence cocking his head to the side, closing his eyes in the slowest blink on earth.

Lavi felt his inside bubbling. If more happiness entered him, he was sure he would burst at any rate.

_“Beautiful face” indeed. The fairest of them all._

\- Don’t you have stuff to do tomorrow? –  He licked his lips, thinking on how much he wanted to just run the distance that was between them and lift him, give him a swirl on his arms and kissing him, without his feet touching the damn ground.

\- Nah, I already did my papers. I just need to proofread them. -

He was standing in front of his collection of movies. A hobby that even when Yuu would argue he spent too much money in, he loved.

\- Such a nice student! – Lavi teased, dropping on the huge sofa that was almost new, as nobody had time to sit there and watch movies or play games for more than two hours every few months.

\- Do you like horror movies? –

Bending over, looking for a specific title; Lavi thanking every god he was aware of, for that unique and perfect view.

\- Yeah, who doesn’t! –

Allen smiled and chose a title. And Lavi later recalled it was him.

 ** _He_** was the one who **_didn’t_** like horror movies. They always ended scaring him more than he was able to admit.

The movie was on the second half and the redhead was hugging a cushion, pressed as close to the back of the sofa as he could. Trying to hide the cold hard fact that he was scared to death.

That, until something brushed against his leg, making him scream.

\- WHAT WAS THAT?! SOMETHING TOUCHED MY LEG! –

Allen, who screamed as loud as him when he heard him, started laughing. He bent picking something from the floor.

A low meow and two yellow and round eyes who stared at them proudly.

\- Oh it was Tim…-

His hand was over his heart, the palpitations too fast to count them.

\- Do you want to watch anything else? – It was a challenge and a sincere offer.

\- No…- He taunted the ground. - But if you promise I can sleep with you tonight as well! –

It was a bold move, but Allen smiled cutely.

\- All night, every night if you want, pussycat. – The words from Lenalee resonating on his mind.

“ _If you find out you really love him…”_

He couldn’t remember how he felt when he was falling in love with Yuu.

Only able to conjure the times he was flustered about how handsome he was. But the feeling he had around Lavi?

It was certainly one of a kind.

Allen wanted to kiss him, wanted to hug him. Wanted to follow him to the end. To talk to him forever. To wear that bandana every day. To learn all that repertory of marvelous expressions that incredibly handsome and stylish man had to offer. To wake up everyday with that arm around his waist.

And who knew, maybe also having a ring on his own hand.

He chuckled over his own thought. How ridiculous he was being! How terribly exciting it was to like someone like that!

Lavi adored how that sweet face could talk that spicy. He loved how he could feel the air getting flooded with chemistry. How they were like long lost friends waiting to reunite, instead of people that were only meeting for a mere causality.

  _More like lovers._

\- I’ll hold your word to that, snowflake. –

What would come out as insults to someone else were discreet pet names that made them both tingly with all the right feelings.

Was that how love was supposed to be?

A friendship that slipped down the slide of each other names? Was that _falling_ in love?

They stared at each other, the movie playing on the background. Both felt they could be lost in the eyes of the other forever. Allen sitting cross-leg on the left, his hands in the space between his legs, while Lavi was supporting his weight on his right hand, his head tilted to be at the same level than the other. A pair of stupid smiles on each other.

But the spell had to be broken someday, the phone deciding that was the perfect moment.

Allen picked up, his smile being wiped out and replaced for a frown as he read the name on the screen.

\- Hi Yuu. – He remembered when he used to call him _sweetie._ The pet name long time forgotten. – How’s everything in Japan? –

 _\- Is good. Did you study for your finals?_ –

Lavi put his arm over the sofa, trying to get near enough to listen to the conversation. The silver-haired sighed, holding the phone against his shoulder and his ear, grabbing a marshmallow covered cocoa that he made before the tallest got scared by his cat.

He pushed against the back of the sofa, getting on the space that Lavi’s arm created, but instead of staying there, he let his body laid on the redhead side. His head resting on his pec.

\- Yes, you know me. I think I did well. – Lavi started playing with his hair, making him look up to him, a candid smile there to welcome him. One that he was more than happy to return.

_\- That’s great. Listen, I just want to be sure about your plans. Are you going to work on your free days from this term? –_

Allen recalled that he told Jerry about covering his shift; some students from other faculties that already finished their finals pouring over.

\- Uhm, can you…wait a second? – He held the device, covering the mic for a moment to whisper to the man beside him.

\- Do you mind if I go to work tomorrow? I promised my manager I would help him for a while…-

Lavi didn’t know why was he asking him, since he was only there to keep him company. He gave him an ok sign with his left hand in satisfaction, an over the top reaction that made the other smile again in that special way that could light his days forever.

\- Yes, I’ll be there. I owe so much to Jerry. –

- _Why did you took time to answer? –_ His suspicion made Allen nervous but since he was an excellent poker player, his best defense came to his aid.

\- I was just trying to know what Timcampy wanted, he keeps following me and I thought he was hungry. I was only checking on his plate. –

­ _-Hmm, ok then. I have to go.-_

Allen hang and leant on Lavi’s side.

\- Meow. – He teased, his chin resting on Allen’s head-

\- Shut up, pussycat. You have enough food on your bowl. – He sipped his chocolate, a smirk now on his face.

\- Am I still allowed in your bed? Cats get very cold at night you know? – Lavi closed his eye, enjoying the smell that the shampoo got on Allen’s hair.

He kept sipping, the thought of having him on his bed making him dizzy as a ten hours ride on a carousel.

\- If you promise to be good. –

_Oh Allen, I promise to be good and gentle. But only as long as you want me to be._

\- Always. –

Allen left the cup on the side table once again, finally looking up to Lavi.

\- Liars got to hell, Lavi. –

The phrase his mind told him only the day before sounding gorgeously provocative now, being said by him.

\- I know. – Mentally, he tried to stop the magnetic attraction he had to those lips; listening to the warning from far away. His body moving regardless. -But I think I already have a place over there, so… I’ll maybe take the risk. –

Allen felt the urge to kiss him worse, his eyes stuck to his lips.

_A bet is always a risk. Are you sure you want to play all in?_

He stopped, the kiss almost happening.

-Down, boy.– He whispered, pushing him lightly by the cheek so he wouldn’t be looking at him anymore. He took the remote, turning everything off. Putting everything in place.

Then, he got up from the couch, looking like a siren to Lavi. A creature equally beautiful and dreadful.

A walking temptation.

He was losing his mind.

_I’m tired of being careful, tip toe, trying to keep the water warm. Let me under your skin._

_Hang in there a little more._

Lavi followed him to the bedroom, not sure what to think anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay! I know its just a day, but I feel bad letting you hanging with this little story.
> 
> PLEASE if you have a comment or want to say anything about it, you are SUPER WELCOME to do it (: if you are shy about it, send me a private message. Every single word no matter how short it helps a writter, like me to be motivated and happy and...well you would light up my day, buddy.
> 
> Thank you a lot for passing by and keep with the story.


	6. Alphabet Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinking and love have many things in common.   
> Sometimes a sip will be more than enough. Sometimes a bottle would be just a start. A little taste and a great fall. 
> 
> Lavi just want to know. And maybe, that would be enough.

_“The word " **love** " can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that in English are denoted as **"love** "; one example is the plurality of Greek words for **"love** " which includes agape and eros. Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus doubly impede the establishment of a universal definition.” _

Lavi read the paragraph again and again. A hidden answer for his simple question out of his reach.

What did that mean?

His eye passed quickly over the letters, until they had sense no more.

He tangled both of his hands on his copper hair, ruffling it up like an exotic bird’s nest; his brain on forced labor, over-working on a puzzle that mocked him with the answer on plain sight. His lips were curled, and his jaw was clenched in a childish frustration that haven’t seen the light in at least eight years.

- _Love consists in this: that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other._ -

A voice that appeared out of nowhere said, a deep and wise air of mysticism on every word.

Lavi didn’t answer, instead turning to his left to face the owner of the interruption. 

An old man that scarcely reached above the table; few strands of hair making a swirl that mixed with the background. A question mark that seemed like an appropriate joke, back when the redhead was a kid.

He smiled, looking at the dark eyes surrounded by darkened skin, just like a panda’s face.

-What’s that supposed to mean, gramps? -

His head against his bent arm, resting on the table and the book he was reading.

-It’s a quote from _Letters to a Young Poet_. You are supposed to know that of course, because I gave it to you around when you were fifteen. - 

A cigarette suspended on the left corner of his lips; sad and gray, never lit but never left alone.

-Among with other fourteen books...You gave me one more every birthday. -

He closed his eye, sighing. What was he supposed to do? Remember every single word of every single book he ever read?

-And you learnt nothing. You, useless lazy brat. - 

The old man hit him in a flash that he didn’t see coming.

-What do you care anyway! - Lavi rubbed his head in the place where he was smacked, making a pout as he extended his arms over the table, his chin resting on the cold wood. - 

-You don’t visit me, you disappear three days from your work here, at the library, and you ask me why I care? -

Lavi now knew he was getting slapped again but refused to move. The mental fatigue proving too much for him right then.

-Yeah, why? I get the job done sooner or later don’t I? -

Silence that forced him opening his eye. His grandfather there, observing him with severity. 

-You surely are dressed sharp for staying all day at the library. -

His lips hardly moved. A gesture that annoyed Lavi to no end when he was a teenager. It was an unmistakable sign of the old man’s smartassery starting; one that later forged him as such a back talker and was the main source of his conflicts with him.

He pointed to his clothes, a charcoal dressing shirt buttoned up and a pair of burgundy trousers that were complemented by his black shoes as well as the same colored jacket.

-I have a lecture at six. -

He raised his thin, almost invisible eyebrows, making his forehead wrinkle in disbelief.

-You don’t say? -

-Believe or not...- He mirrored the expression, the sarcasm tainting both of their sayings.

-And since when you dress up for your poor students? Or do you have your sight on one of them in particular? - 

It was the tone. Lavi thought. It was that damn tone that had nothing for him but judgment without the possibility to argue. His ideas already settled on an answer that played against his blood.

The tone was what let him speechless and summoned the color to his cheeks. It was that what made him stutter nonsense and felt a punch to the nerves like he was falling from a bridge. 

It wasn’t that it was sort of true, or the fact that the old geezer read him like a book. It wasn’t that he was riding a bullet back to his adolescence where hiding anything was an impossible task and his grandfather outsmarted him...

It was just the tone of his stupid voice.

-I-I-I don’t know what the fuck do you mean and why would you think such thing. -

The man in front of him smiled. Slowly and smug. 

-Oh, really? Then, why are you looking up for the definition of love? -

Lavi felt his face in fire but didn’t dare to look away. He thought on a reply but his brain was disconnected and replaced by an alarmed rabbit trying to run on a never-ending treadmill. 

-Wha...I just happen to read a definition it doesn’t mean anything! -The old man laughed, making him hide his mouth behind his palm as he rested his face against it.

_Please, shut up._

-Lavi...every time you don’t understand something you are passing through you go to books. And consulting the definition is the very first step you always do to start on your investigation instead of being a human being an asking someone. -

He waited for a scolding that never arrives. A book being pushed on the table until it touches his elbow, the cover worn out and blue without letters.

-Someone once said...that at the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. - His lips relaxed in a strange but affectionate smile, a reflection of his eyes. - I don’t think that what you are looking for can be found in a dictionary or a chemistry book. Not even in one of your precious history. After all, love is different in everyone, yet, somehow, it is the same _. “Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star."_ -

The redhead held the book, his blush receding and letting space to his surprise.

-I know you didn’t ask me. But love sometimes is cruel and sometimes is gentle. And I don’t precisely want to see you hurt by it. It can be a lot of work; not because is hard to love someone, but because is hard to face the consequences of doing it. -

By that point Lavi is convinced he is still sleeping and somehow his grandfather took all the work to appear in there and took pity on his tormented and confused feelings. The idea of removing his eyepatch crossing over his mind.

-Maybe you are confused about if you love this kid or not. But I can guarantee you...if you do... No matter what you do... you’ll **always** end thinking of him. **Everything** would be about him. -He sighed deeply, closing his eyes. - 

-How do you know is a him? - Lavi swallowed hard, matters of the heart a forbidden territory; his voice an awkward mumble. - 

His grandfather chuckled, the cigarette moving up and down like a brown and shaky leaf trying to stay stuck to its tree.

-You **do** know that you murmur when you are too immersed on your work. Right? And unless you have a female friend named **_Allen,_** then I can bet my teeth it’s a **_him...-_**

Lavi knew shame as much as the next person, but that? Knowing that every single person that worked near him knew what was on his mind? He was blowing steam, as the heat came back with a new wave of embarrassment.

His hands flying to protect the last pieces of dignity that threatened to escape from his face, covering it.

-Stop being a coward, brat. Read that and if you can think only in him...then you’ll have your answer. -

He got down the chair, laughing like a cartoon villain. Disappearing behind a bookshelf.

Only ten minutes later and finally left alone, he read in less than an hour the entire volume of selected poetry.

The only reliable resource to learn at least a little, about love.

 

 

_Screwed is a regrettable understatement. I mean, I wish we would be screwed in the other sense of the world but..._

-Fucked. I’m fucked that’s what I am. - 

He was talking to himself, as he fought against the jacket to put it on, the cold air pushing against his skin with little to no mercy.

The book hitting him from the inside of his bag with every step, making Lavi think that it was alive and having the time of its life at his expenses.

-I could use a drink, dammit. - He said as his words were carried away; rubbing his arms and crossing them as tight as he could to get a little warm. 

Lavi wasn’t ready to go back to Allen’s place; the thought of facing him while having the knowledge that he was...if not falling, already in love with him, too much to handle.

How are you supposed to confront a friend knowing that? It was different to only liking him!

Liking him was explainable, was even logical. 

Allen was beautiful and nice, he was fun and smart. He enjoyed passing time with him, talking to him, wanting to kiss his gorgeous, sweet, sassy face...

A face palm, that brought him back to the moment as he wandered around the college. Only to found himself in an entire different place.

It is said that if you are meant to be in one place you will be. 

And this was particularly true for Lavi, who without noticing entered the very same bar Allen worked in; looking only for a place to clear his mind.

The place wasn’t very big but it managed to have every single table occupied as well as the stools at the bar. The music made everything vibrate with a beat that was a mix of pop and a pinch of jazz, the glasses dancing with it as the liquid in them cried for being consumed.

Lavi walked inside, lured by the warmth that scared away the cold that held to his back; but it was the idea of being heated on the inside what made him get closer to the counter. 

He pulled out his wallet, making sure he had enough cash to ask for a whiskey or two that hammered enough to stop his mind from aggravating him and gave him the console he needed from his own troubled thoughts.

The bills saluted him and with his approval, he lent into the bar, looking for the bartender. His hand was already up when he noticed who he was actually calling for.

Allen was smiling to a man with blond hair and a cheap suit. 

The guy seemed about to touch him, Lavi recognizing his own corporal language on him. He was handsome and for an instant, the redhead felt the sting of jealousy on his throat. 

Regardless, he kept looking; suddenly frozen to his place. His hand was no longer up, and he hid as well as he could behind a group of friends almost at the end of the bar. 

He saw how the guy tried again and again to touch Allen. To touch his face. And try after try Allen moved away from his grasp as he maintained his pretty but shallow smile. 

Lavi always took pride on being able to notice the little details and in that moment,  he felt prouder than ever.

Allen was being nice, but you needed to be a special type of stupid to not notice how uninterested he was about them all. Because as much as that guy tried, Allen wasn’t leaving his other costumers unattended.

-So… if it’s just vodka… does it has a special name? –

The eyeroll of the silver-haired wasn’t unnoticed by Lavi. Himself doing a face of utter disbelief.

Who said **_that_** in real life and hoped it worked?

-No. – The response slithered over his lips like a stranded song. He took an orange juice carton and poured half of it on the glass. – But now… - The grey goose mixing with the drink. – you are screwdriving. –

He was smiling. A smile lethal and beautiful. A perfectly planned bait, but a lie in the end. It didn’t reach his eyes and it didn’t irradiate light.

-So, get started. – Lavi felt it like a threat. Allen taunting his costumer to get drunk and get lost, the malice that was hidden under his kindness there, at the reach of his hand.

He could understand why Kanda wanted to protect him that much, but again, he was pretty sure by then, that Allen protected himself. As pretty as a bird, as dangerous as a snake.

Allen took another order, leaving the blond guy to drink alone. The cocktail shaker moving on his hands like an extension of himself, quickly serving another glass, the measure perfect, not single drop spilled.

-Good times. Remedy for sorrows. – He told to another as he winked; moving like a dancer over the tip of his toes, a gracious turn.

Lavi smiled, somehow proud of him.

He was not only an excellent student, but an impressive bartender as well as an amazing cook. And an artist, no less; Allen was a catch that everyone would be not only happy but astonished to have.

-Welcome to the club. – A tired voice told him. A man munching on some fries as he gave Lavi a bored look.

The redhead stared without knowing what to say; a moment that got extended like a rubber band.

-Uh… thanks? – He said finally.

-Did you lose something, don’t know how to ask for a drink or are… admiring the sight? –

And there was the tone again, but this man wasn’t his grandfather. So Lavi squared up and in his best polite and serious impression of himself he answered.

-I may have lose something. Does that matter? –

-Oh yes. It does. Because if you try to make a move on the cute face that is serving you have to make a line. –

Lavi wondered if he was always a jealous person or if was something that he acquired with his crush on him. He thought he didn’t doubt about Allen at all, but he sure didn’t like those guys talking about him like he was a prize to get.

He was looking down at this guy at the bar, a serious frown that was a warning, his height pressuring on the matter. He wasn’t keen to violence, but like Allen; he knew how to play his cards.

His sleeves were rolled up and he was carrying his jacket over his shoulder. He was aware the eyepatch gave him points as some others on the bar nervously looked back at him from time to time.

Now, the guy blinked slowly. A challenge that he was having a hard time ignoring.

It was stupid, and he knew it, but his testosterone was getting the wheel and bad decisions were its favorite stop.

-You think? — His voice with a cocky inflection he barely recognized on himself but filled him with adrenaline. Excitement mixing with pride; a drink that would take the drive out of _screwdrive_ , more probably than not, leaving him with the rest.

-I bet. – The man said, looking him from head to toe. – Pretty boys like you, all dressed up and trying to flash their expensive clothes and black cards are nothing but a waste of time. –

Lavi smirked on the inside, thinking on how this man didn’t know a thing about Allen. Sure, he wasn’t swept over a handsome face or nice clothes, but money? That was the real love of his life.

He doubted he would date someone for it but was sure he would try to take out as much as he could from someone mean and naïve enough to provoke him.

-Fine. – He said, getting an idea. – I bet everything I have on my pretty boy wallet that the bartender not only will pay attention to me, but he will give me a kiss on his own, free will. The moment I touch him is over and you win, how about that? –

 The golden eyes of the man shined under the colored lights and Lavi recognized greed when he saw it.

\- You sure like to lose money, buddy. – He moved, his dark, wavy hair in a small pony tail. After some seconds he pulled out his wallet, fat with the paycheck of the day. – But are you smarter than me now? You are the prince of the playground, aren’t you? -

_Hello._

\- It’s a bet then. –

They shook hands and Lavi walked with the security of a cat on a fence. He stood in the middle of the bar and waited for Allen to see him, his elbow resting on the counter, his hand on his chin.

Allen turned and as he did, he thanked his luck for not having a glass on his hands, sure that it would’ve slipped at the sight of the owner of his thoughts.

\- Hey! – He said, his voice cracking a little. A rag on his fidgeting hands.

\- Hey. – Lavi answered, raising his eyebrows in a playful gesture. – If you are not too busy, mister bartender. Would you mind getting me a whiskey on the rocks? –

The shorter let his surprise dilute as he took the sight that was the other. He never had the chance before of seeing him wear anything, but casual clothes and the dress shirt was eye-candy on its own.

He listened to the request and let a sincere smile appear, the anticipation of that game that never ended between them making him feel sparks of joy.

\- Oh? Of course. – He took a glass, showing off the best of his repertory of bartender tricks. – Say when, handsome. –

Whiskey started raining into the glass, both of them never breaking eye contact. Too fascinated on each other. Too engaged with their game.

.- I’m afraid I’ll be having you doing this all night. My plans are sipping till’ I’m tipsy, do you get me? –

Allen laughed and cut the flow at the correct height for that glass; forgetting the rest of his costumers, that anyway, were too distracted observing the bet they overheard.

\- And what about your job, stranger? Drinking in the middle of the week? –

He let his eyes down to Lavi’s neck, who was just opening his shirt a button or two, letting the skin breath. The idea of grabbing him and kissing him over the counter getting stronger as some sweat beads licked their way to disappear on the fabric. A necklace thin and black that had a small charm of a cross.

\- Baptize me on that; don’t worry about tomorrow. – He went to take his glass, something that Allen used to touch his hand, the rings cold, contrasting against his skin.

A fortuitous event that was not fortuitous at all.

Lavi lent over, getting near to his ear.

-I need your help. –  His gray orbs entertained with how the clothes seemed to enhance the redhead’s body like a charm. – I made a bet that you would kiss me to that guy over there at the end of the bar…And don’t get mad, but I’m risking my wallet over here…-

Allen allowed him to make space to see him in the eyes; all his will on keeping it on his face. Lavi moving his head pointing to the guy, who Allen peeked on, but went back at his favorite face on less than a second. The distance like that too much.

\- So…care to help a friend? I think a kiss on the cheek will… - He rolled his eye and Allen could tell he was being honest.

It wasn’t about getting a kiss; it was about the bet.

And he surely was good at bets.

_We never lose._

It was his smiles and his movements. Allen thought as he acted; everything in a blink of an eye. It was about how they talked, how he touched him, how he felt. It was his stupid laugh and the way his lips acted like they knew about his desire. It was his ideas and his jokes. His comebacks and the times he got him speechless. It was his hair like a sunset and a fire flame. His eye like an emerald and his body like a Greek god. His scent like books and fancy perfume.

It was that he loved art and that man right there was a piece of one.

It was hardly his fault.

He let his guard down, letting that part of him that worked on his instinct alone. The one that always won at poker, the good liar. The lustful, the backtalker, the greedy. The dark Allen that did everything he wanted but wouldn’t dare.

And everyone should buckle up or bring an exorcist, because he was loose and thirsty for blood. He never took a no for answer.

Allen grabbed him by the collar, just like he wanted, and stepped on the tip of his toes, because hell, Lavi was tall even sat down. He closed his eyes and kissed him, his lips crashing in a messy first kiss that got him as high as a kite.

Lavi couldn’t believe what was happening, a gasping sound until everything was Allen.

It was electricity and chaos. It was a blessing and a curse.

Two parts of something that matched. Two dark halves that became a whole filled with light.

_Love consists in this: that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other._

And those solitude founded each other.

And damn, how bad they wanted to touch.

\- I would hate you to lose. -He whispered, against his mouth, wishing for an eternity together. His hand never loosing his grip. His voice honey with rum. – Don’t worry about tomorrow, I think you said. –

-Night’s young…Isn’t it? – A shot that become a bottle. The addiction already there.

A mess of eyelashes with eyes that didn’t want to lose sight but wanted to be lost in another kiss. Their bodies shaking at the contact of their lips. The last seal almost broken. Both of them at the limit of their souls.

_So, this is what it feels like…when you become one of the drunks?_

The redhead thought. Getting lost on the taste.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I am really sorry to be late to this deliver! On the bright side, you will be getting next one sooner? Sort of?  
> Ive been bussy, but I'm back!   
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, the quotes are from Wikipedia, Rainer Maria Rilke and E.Cummings and of course, Plato. 
> 
> Again, if you have anything to tell me, even if its just a word! Ill be more than happy to read you! If you don't want anybody else to see it, you can send me a PM! I love to read you guys, it makes me really happy and there is nothing that helps me more to keep on with my writting than your nice words. 
> 
> Isn't this getting hot or its just the room? Have fun!


	7. Sippy Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was just a kiss. It was just a bet.  
> Some would say Love it's just a word.  
> It could be wrong, but it should have been right. Let our hearts colide. 
> 
> Or would it be too much? 
> 
> A drunk professor and a not so good student.

-You better buy me something, handsome. –  

Allen pushed him lightly, creating the space they needed to breathe. Both minds dizzy with fantasy.

There are many myths about the sun around the world, around time.

Myths about how some magnanimous deity decided to share light and warmth over the poor humans, that were terrorized by the dark. And how they grew, how they learnt. How every animal instinct was vanished by the great star.  

How life began with the blessing of control and order.

But the night, as we know didn’t stop existing.  

Night it’s still here.

Still waiting for her turn to arrive. With her black mantle and her complicity. Sanctifying everyone with the sight of other astral bodies, with the secrecy and privacy shadows can only imitate.  

With her secrets and her madness.

People think daylight is the true way of their lives. Order and control, nothing to show but what it’s accepted to see. Regardless, the sun only keeps the instinct at bay, but when he is gone so it’s his influence.  

At night everything that makes you worried either disappears or keeps you awake. Night either let you drink of her goblet or covers you with her mantle.

The true merciful goddess is her, letting you be a little freer.  

And that night, she poured her chalice over both; letting them get drunk with time.

Drunk in the seconds that ticked away the truth: nobody would say a thing about those two.  

-Whatever your heart desires… - Lavi answered, staring at how Allen was biting his own lip, the smile still there. His words sticking to the roof of his mouth like heavy honey.

Allen thought that it wasn’t in Lavi’s hand to give him that, letting him go as he laughed. But the redhead never said anything he meant more than that in his entire life.  

He waited as the other smoothed his uniform and hair, that were already perfect. Allen taking his time turning his back on him, their eyes making contact until the last moment.  

Then he raised his glass, slowly sipping the whiskey he asked, his throat burning with delight as he clenched his teeth. Letting the thoughts that strangled him go.

-Pretty nice. – He said, mostly to himself as he left the empty thing on the bar.  

He walked to the farthest end, the man that made that bet already going towards him. 

-I have to admit, I didn’t see that coming. – He was lighting a cigarette, the small round red light like the burning coals that were living inside his heart after that kiss. – But a bet is a bet, my friend. –  

The man extended his hand with a simple black wallet filled with bills that were waiting for him.  

Lavi smiled pitting him.  

-Hey man, I’ll take the money, but the wallet is yours. I see no point having it. –  

Giving back the now thin accessory, the guy laughed through the smoke, shrugging. 

-I guess so. – He took it back, keeping it in a hidden pocket inside his jacket, as he started to leave. – Good luck with that beauty. –  

A shoulder pat, and he left. The last string that were holding him on place gone.

Lavi stared at the money, thinking on what to do with it. He put it inside his own jacket and walked back to a free stool, near his glass where he could wait for Allen to be done with work. 

He sat, playing with the thing. Looking now and then at how Allen’s hands worked with ease.   

\- So. Are you going to ask me if I come here often? – 

Allen raised his eyebrows, as he cleaned the space of a previous costumer; a fake expression of confused annoyance on his pretty features.  

\- Oh, do I know you mister? –  

Lavi leant on the counter, his face resting on his hands; a smug smile that Allen wanted to either kiss away or punch it.

Maybe both.  

\- You go kissing strangers like that, then? – 

He opened his mouth to respond, but a costumer called him, pausing the game between them. Lifting one gloved finger to threat him with a comeback that would not take much time to arrive.   

An order that was taken, going back to where Lavi was to prepare the request. Quick steps that made him seem like floating to the eye of the taller. A sight precious to his heart.

He started talking as his hands worked with the grace that only the habit can perform. 

\- Only when they are really attractive. – He winked, the drink ready to take to his costumer; leaving Lavi hitting himself with the counter. 

-That  _mouth_ is going to  _kill me_. – 

  

The hours passed and drink after drink Lavi kept talking with him at every chance. He was smiling so much that his cheeks were hurting already, but he couldn’t stop. 

-You are a dork. That’s what you are! –  

He called him over his shoulder. A discussion about a book that nobody but they cared.

Allen was carrying three martinis in a hand and two shots in another when his boss cut his path, almost making him spill them all. A surprised gasp punched out from his guts.

\- Oh! Jerry hi! – 

Jerry had his lavender hair in a tight French braid that ran along his head to his shoulders. He wore a pair of yellow colored sunglasses and his regular white tank top that had a peculiar Mao collar.

His arms were crossed, and Allen felt small compared to the muscles that were always for the show off. 

\- What are you doing sweetie? – 

Allen looked at him trying to understand what he meant, blinking lost. The accusation in his tone bringing back the nervousness all the male figures in his life seemed to like to generate.

Was he in trouble?

\- Taking this to some customers? – He raised the glasses a little, trying to make his point, feeling like a kid that was about to get scolded. His own words tasting like an aspirin that wasn’t swallowed at the first try.

-No, I mean, what are you doing with that hottie? – He pointed with his head towards Lavi, who was playing with the stirrer of the Long Island he was having at the time.  

Allen looked at the redhead with his lips parted, the confusion and the instinct fear that being asked questions provoked, running through his skin; whispering nothing but punishment.

He spoke, taunting the ground with stuttering words that were almost swallowed by the music.

\- With…with Lavi? He is my friend. –  

Jerry bent enough for Allen to be able to look at him in the eyes, his sunglasses falling to the tip of his nose. 

\- Really? Well that’s a fine friend you have, honey. – The way Jerry was talking now, made Allen’s skin crawl with something he couldn’t remember but felt before. – If I were you, I would definitely eat him up. – 

It heated the side of his head and clawed his chest. It made his fear go away with something similar to the anger he always kept locked inside himself.

\- I don’t know what you mean. –  He listened to himself, cold and defiant with a man that was not only his boss but his friend. His sentence painted with the sentiment he used only to warn others to fuck off and away.

Allen tried to shove that away, but he felt the weight growing heavier and the air closing around them; his eyes defying him. His own reaction out of his control.

Jerry smiled, caressing Allen’s cheek in a gesture that added frustration to the mix that was eating his heart; making him jump a little. The glasses clicking in his hands. He took the drinks from him and sighed.  

\- Go dance with him. The bar isn’t crowded anymore. –  

Allen felt how the heat spread around his face, the darkness of the place giving him some chance to hide his blush. Everything he felt clashing horrible on his stomach, like a bad mix of tequila and vodka with nothing to wash away the taste.

Nothing else but the burn and a terrible aftertaste.

\- He is just a friend. – 

His voice was barely audible, the promised scolding finally reaching him like a slap on the face.

Jerry sighed, wishing the best for the kid.  

\- And I’m not saying anything. Just dance with him. It’s not like me or anybody else here is going to call that grumpy man of yours. –  

Allen stared back at him, feeling cornered and observed as Jerry delivered the drinks to a group of girls that took them and left the bar for the side tables.  

_He is right_   

The voice in his mind started. 

_Nobody is going to say anything. Nobody is going to call up Yuu. Nothing is happening. You are just going to dance with a good friend._  

\- Take this, so nobody will bother you because of the uniform. – It was a black hoodie, thrown at his face. His reflexes coming to save him. 

_One that happens to be a good kisser as well._  

  

Lavi thought he was getting drunk already when he saw Allen jump over the bar to stand by his side.  

_-_ Well I think its time for me to stop drinking. - He was munching the stirrer that danced between his teeth, lost and happy, gazing at his face. 

\- Yes. Time to dance with me. –  

Allen took his handdragged him to the middle of the dancefloor. Navigating between the people that never bothered a single second of their attention on the pair.

\- I am a lousy dancer, beansprout. – Lavi shouted trying to be heard over the music; the banging of the bass vibrating through his bones.

\- Don’t call me that, oversized carrot. –

He pulled the band that held his hair, shaking his head for it to fall in place. The movement happening in a weird slow-motion that accused the ginger of being at least hammered with the alcohol.

-And in anyway, nobody knows how to dance. It’s just something you say to make others feel…-

The last word was crushed by the music.

Lavi asked him again and Allen repeated himself, but once again the music killed his words. He tried a last time, with no difference; and rolling his eyes, he grabbed him, his hands on his and laughed, giving up.

The redhead couldn’t hear his laugh, but the sight…the sight was enough. Allen was there, being part of the music, being part of some artistic moment of life. And he was there to witness it.

Because life was like that sometimes.

Sometimes the music made sense, sometimes the colors were more than there, sometimes everything moved to a pace that forced your feet into an improved dance.

And some other times…You just realized that love never ask you permission to conquer your heart.

It was just there. He smiled as they both jumped like children on a bed, turning and moving with the electric music that punched everything with energy.

Lavi couldn’t say how many songs they passed like that, the alcohol tiring him up sooner than later, traveling to his head; the silver hair of Allen a cloud of distraction; making a curtain around his face, showing in sneak peek his huge smile.

He stopped, panting, holding the Allen’s hand to draw his attention.

\- Are you ok? – Allen shouted to him, his hands now on his arms, the hold tight but kind, the smile he adored still there.

\- I need to breathe! – He laughed as he pointed to the exit.

The silver haired nodded, walking with him outside.

\- Holly crap, I feel like I just ran a marathon. – Lavi rested his back on a wall, his ears pounding, his permanence in earth a dubious thought.

\- If you want, we can go back home, old man. –

Lavi stared at him. He was a bit out of breath but nothing that showed he was tired. If something, Allen seemed more pumped up than before, tying his hair again on that small ponytail he somehow managed to make.

\- Hey, show some respect to your teacher, brat! – Allen smiled, getting near him.

Love was horrible. Lavi thought then. As horrible as he was. If not more. It never asked if it was a right time to come. It never asked permission to invade or if it was the right person to take.

Love was selfish. And oh, how selfish was Lavi himself as well.

\- Oh? I thought you were just my sitter…- He held his arm, curling his around it, pressing his body to his, for Lavi’s dismay.

\- I can be both. – He said, swallowing hard the images that came back. His dream happy to overlap with that moment, the drinks doing what they were made for.

\- Both? – Allen said in a voice that, Lavi knew, were the sound equivalent to a electroshock collar to his di..dignity. Allen could say whatever he wanted with that tone, and he would be more than obliged to compel.

_Your wish is my command, Snowflake._

The thought pulsating below his chest and running south.

\- Yes. –

\- So, are you going to lecture me or punish me for that, Lavi? I’ll promise, I’ll be good. –

His eyes were the stars his life revolved around.

\- I bet you will. –

Lavi had his hand over his cheek, and Allen rested against it in no time. He caressed his flushed and incredibly cold skin and found himself getting closer to his face.

_You never learn, friend. We know what goes inside._

His mind called. The taste of his lips like a crave he desperately needed.

Allen didn’t make any attempt to move, his hand covering Lavi’s softly, his eyelids falling to be half-closed as he got nearer.

_Kiss him. It’s just one more time. Only once, cross the line._

His lips parted, and Lavi was now mixing his breath with his. The music dimmed in the background, the night sheltering their faces to any passenger curious enough to care.

\- I will. –

His lips almost touching, Allen closing his eyes.

_If you let yourself trip, you are going to fall completely._

Lavi’s emerald eye was barely open, the warmth of both bodies visible in the cold of the night.

_But what if it’s just lust? Will you risk yourself to fuck up?_

Did that matter? The same phrase on both minds.

What if it was lust? Would they risk their friendship, would they risk their love?

\- Allen I…-

He didn’t have a clue of what he was saying. The words pushing out in an auto-pilot. The sense of everything getting lost in the translation.

\- Yes? – He whispered, opening his eyes again to look at him.

_For fuck’s sake, kiss that face. Just once more!_

\- I think I love…-

The night is patient but the magic, as many know, run out fast and washes out rough.

And this was something Lavi remembered, as the cold wind pushed them like a whip of reality, howling like a wolf who tried to warn them for them to leave.

He hugged Allen, trying to shelter him from the winter that demanded to be acknowledged. The smaller curled against him, shivering while the wind passed.

\- Leaving sounds good for this old man, anyway. – He said as he patted his head. – Let me go for my jacket. –

Lavi hold his hand again, taking him inside only to bid goodbye to Jerry, pay the tab and pick up the piece of cloth.

His boss waved his hand, smiling knowingly. Allen waved back but immediately avoided his stare as Lavi put his jacket over his shoulders and kissed him on the temple. The red tainting once again every inch of exposed skin.

They turned to the door and Lavi took his hand again, this time intertwining their fingers as if that was their thing.

\- Come on love, we wouldn’t want you to get sick. Do we? –

Allen felt ridiculous holding the hand of that super tall and super handsome guy, wearing his jacket and being all flushed and lightheaded. It all felt like a dream that was too good to be happening; even in his head. Too good for him, at least.

He was dating Yuu, he wasn’t allowed to feel like that. To be held like that, to be cared of. He was already owned.

\- Whatever you say, professor. It is you who has the babysitting job. –  He quickly said, suddenly tired.

Lavi smiled squishing his hand a bit. A simple gesture that forced him to stick to his side immediately, all his will into not hugging his waist. The crumbles of affection that life gave him enough for him to not complain and take what he could have.

Even if it wasn’t real.

\- You promised me you would be good, snowflake. – He was using the tone he applied to his students when he was half joking half serious and his heart stopped when the other looked at him covering his mouth with the oversized sleeve of his jacket.

They walked back to the apartment in no time, the redhead opening the door again.

\- Allen? – He called as the silver haired ran into his bedroom. – Is it ok if I make some coffee? –

-Yes! I’m just going to take a quick shower! –

The door closed and the water start running.

Tincampy purred as he entered the kitchen, asking to be pet over the counter.

\- Hey little guy. Do you think it’s ok? –

The cat meowed and he smiled taking it as a yes.

\- Then…where do your human hides the mugs around here? – he tried one pantry door after the other without success, the alcohol still in his system; not only making him clumsier but also slow and confused.

-Did I try this door before? –

 

Allen jumped into the water when the temperature was still adjusting.

\- Love is a complicated word. – He said as he washed his hair, sighing.

_It is as long as you make it that way._

He rinsed his body, taking no more than five minutes being in an out. The guilt the thing he wanted to get rid of more.

_Love is only complicated when you think much about it. Just don’t think about it._

\- But what if it **is** lust? I…I couldn’t just…-

He brushed his hair, looking at himself in the blurry mirror; already dried and fully clothed. The steam making him feel secure inside his pajamas, like a bird sleeping on a distant cloud. Uncapable of being hurt high in the sky.

_And what if it’s love and you don’t?_

\- Then…then I guess I’ve already fall… -

He said to himself as he opened the door, hugging himself. A sinner who just heard his own confession.

 

This was possibly the third time Lavi tried the same door.

_You should be trying to open other things…if you get me._

\- Nope. –

The voice inside his head sounding disgustingly like Kanda.

_I’m just saying, it’s not like that little sinner is going to talk, you know? I mean I can’t know if you don’t tell, I’m in the other side of the freaking earth. And I know you would love to fuck him._

\- Goddammit…if you just…! -

\- Let me help you. –

Lavi jumped, bumping his head on an open door.

\- Dude! Not cool! – The shout was instinctive, the fear and guilt that always pushed him around laughing at his expenses. He rubbed his head and was surprised by the warm hands that timidly took his own. Finally, he adventured to look at Allen, who was wearing a onesie that appeared to be of a white cat.

With the hood on, the white fabric blended adorably with his hair and his skin, melting his heart on the process.

\- I am sorry Lavi, I didn’t mean to scare you. –

He started to think that their hands had some kind of magnetic attraction, his left reaching for the free one of Allen as soon as he spotted it.

\- No worries you…you look…- How hard was going to keep his thoughts straight! How hard was going to be to keep everything to himself.

Was he wearing anything under that pretty thing? Or was just…

\- It’s stupid I know. -Allen said, interrupting his ideas. – It’s just really comfortable and…-

\- Who the fuck said it was stupid? –

Allen took a step back, the aggressiveness on the other’s voice taking him with the guard down.

\- Uhm… Yuu? Yuu said it once, I think? It doesn’t matter Lavi; I can take it off, I will wear something else. -

Another step.

\- Or you can wear whatever you want… - Lavi kept walking toward him, the change of temperature messing with his already drunk mind. - …because you look absolutely stunning with everything. -

\- Lavi? –

Another step more.

His back against the wall. The coffee maker purring loudly. His breath harsh against his ear.

\- Allen. – He called, pressing him against that small corner between the fridge and the door frame.

The way his name was called like a spell to his lower belly. He looked to the ceiling, trying to swallow as he urged his brain to concentrate in everything else that wasn’t the man in front of him and that horrible temptation.

\- Yes? –

He whispered.

\- You said…- His words stunk with whiskey and even when that was something that made Allen be cautious and almost scared with most men, he couldn’t help but shiver with the anticipation of a kissing him till’ he blacked out.

\- You **_never_ ** said… -He continued, correcting himself; dragging his words. – what you wanted me to get you… With the money of the bet. –

Allen looked at him, puzzled for a moment.

\- Uh? No…I…-

\- I mean it, you know? I would get you anything your heart desires. – Allen softened his look and smiled. –

\- Lavi, you don’t need…-

\- No. I do. – He interrupted him, supporting himself with one hand on the wall. Now visibly and obviously drunk. – I do. Why did you say that what you are wearing is stupid? God, it hurt me so much to see you like that, you know? –

Allen sighed and tenderly rose his hands to rest them on Lavi’s chest. He figured the man had some resistance to the alcohol, but now that he was a little bit more relaxed, everything hit him like a train. And even when that would make him annoyed with everyone else, he found himself thinking it was terribly adorable on the teacher.

\- Why? – He decided to play along, used to drunk guys needing to be listened.

\- Why? Because I love you. –

His smile disappeared.

There were many things Allen expected. Many words he thought would be said. Many themes that would be talked about with no more sense than a twenty three pounds coin.

But that? That made him feel like the drunk was he, instead of the redhead.

\- What? –

He held to him, staring into that precious eye.

\- I love y…-

\- Don’t say that! – His heart was running so fast that listening everything else was an odyssey itself. – Don’t say that! You can’t say that! –

His voice broke as he shook him, desperately, cutting his words. The guilt again feasting with his anxiety.  

\- Oh, Lavi! No! Why did you say that...! –

But the redhead kept talking, almost as if he couldn’t really listen to him.

\- I love you so much, it fucking _hurts_. Do you know that, Allen? When I see you smiling…I feel like I am going to pass out of happiness. I have seen many things in my life, but your smile? Damn! And you kissed me! Do you know how hard it is for me to keep living with that? Or without that? –

Allen felt one of Lavi’s hand on his face, holding him a bit tighter to make him look at him. His hold harder than before but never enough to hurt him.

\- But I know the place in which I am, snowflake. – A single tear falling to die into the other’s hand, a twister of dangerous emotions on his soul. – I know. I would kill for another kiss, but more than that… I would pay gladly whatever the price to make you smile everyday like that. –

Allen felt like running, like hiding, like crying. Like calling Yuu and Lenalee and confessing how he had forced Lavi in someway to like him. How he was a terrible boyfriend and a disgusting friend how he…

\- Don’t say that...- He whimpered.

_Don’t think so much._

But it could be so wrong. It could mess everything in his life if he didn’t think much about it. He was weak and Lavi was just there, telling him he loved him and…

_But it could be right._

It could be wrong. They kissed, he confessed…they were alone and…

_But it should’ve been right_

As Lavi realized he was in love in a moment that was just music and a smile, Allen let himself go with that phrase that he wasn’t strong enough to fight anymore. Never letting himself out of his tight self-control, this single action moved him like a puppet, with the only fuel of his desire.

His **_only_** desire.

He stood on the tip of his toes, pulling him with his hands on his shoulders kissing him with his lips parted.

And it was probably a magnetic attraction indeed, his bodies flushed against each other, Lavi pushing him more against the wall to have some support.

This kiss was again messy, the minty flavor of Allen’s freshly brushed teeth contrasting with the bourbon a horrible taste that would be printed in his memory forever with yearn. Lavi grabbed him by the waist, thirsty for any contact he could get from the only owner of his most scandalous dreams.

\- Mh…-

Allen let him, opening his mouth only a little more, but giving him the entrance for a deeper kiss. The taller didn’t needed to be asked twice and passed his tongue, over those addictive lips hungrily. He met him with his own, feeling like he was just going down on a roller coaster at full speed. His heart racing, his blood pumping, his emotions on that single place inside his pants…

\- Lavi…- He whispered, without knowing what he would do.

The redhead moved between his legs, breaking the kiss harshly as he put his forehead against his shoulder; everything spinning for both of them.

\- I’m sorry…- He mumbled. Allen hugging him, his palms opened on his wide back.- I’m sorry Allen I… -

At first Allen blinks, confused. Trying to understand what just happened.

\- I’m sorry I… It’s just… _fuck._ -His voice is harsh and the silver haired moves _just a little_ and notice, finally **_why_** is his friend apologizing. – I don’t… -

\- If you dare to say you don’t mean to be **_that_** horny, I promise you I am going to punch you there, **in a second.** -

He holds onto him by his shirt, letting his breath go between his clenched teeth and the fog of his overstimulated mind starts to dissipate.

\- We can’t do this, Lavi. You are just really drunk… -

He rubs his back caringly, and sighs again, petting the copper mess that the other’s hair is.

\- Yeah. I am. –

Is the tired answer he gets, making him smile.

\- And I promised you to be good…didn’t I? –

-Yes? –

-Then… let’s get you a glass of water and a nice bed, ok? Everything will be fine tomorrow morning, handsome. –

He pushed Lavi a little, only to make space to try and carry him to, at least the living room.

\- Really? –

\- Really. –

 

_It’s ok. Even if this is all we get. If that were just words. If you didn’t mean it._

_It’s ok._

_Because I think I may love you too._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Im not dead people.  
> Im really, really sorry to have you waiting like this. December was not the best month for me and tbh I am an easily person to get sad or dissapointed on my own work.  
> But it really made me happy when I saw all your comments and kudos.  
> I felt really bad to not being able to bring to you another chapter of this story, and I made my best.  
> Im thankfull for you all that read me and I have to give you thanks for that. You really cheer me up! So thank you!  
> I hope this chapter make you happy, when I used to read fanfiction my day was awesome when I knew they uploaded something.  
> Also, I am NOT abandoning this. With good luck Ill be uploading more frequently.
> 
> My job isn't so good and sometimes I am too tired, but I think I can manage this now. Don't give up on me! I know I'm late to all my writting projects but Im still here.
> 
> If you want to talk to me remember you can always contact me by twitter @noctomata (: 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


	8. Playdate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promised date, that came after a failed confession. Will this be any different?  
> Allen hopes for it to be and at the same he hopes for it to stay the same. After all, falling requires only a little push.
> 
> Drinking should never be a problem to a bartender. But vodka it's always great for inhibitions. 
> 
> A dizzy twister dance, can't find my drink or man.
> 
>  
> 
> [THIS STARTS THE NSFW PEOPLE]

A soft murmur that lasted a second and no more. A single turn of a page.

The light with a cold undertone that contoured a silhouette that towered over him.

Lavi tried to open his eye; but the sting of returning to the land of the living was too much, forcing him to blink rapidly what it felt forever; his eye crying in a desperate intent to erase reality and go back to peaceful slumber. 

\- Ugh…- He managed to grunt. 

The silhouette moved, allowing the shadow that casted on him to cover his face. Finally letting him see; a merciful act of bliss in a land of torture and regret.

A gentle smile that hurt his heart like a murderous arrow and yet eased every pain that the hungover was punishing him with, was the first thing he could see.

\- Hi there, handsome. – His voice was barely a whisper and the redhead stretched as he could, covering his face with his forearm; thankful for that simple consideration that meant the world for him right then. The syllables dancing with soft edges of a tenderness he didn’t deserve.

\- Is this a dream? – He croaked, sighing. – 

\- As far as I know, no. – Allen put down the book he was reading, resting it over Lavi’s stomach gently. – Do you feel like shit often in your dreams, Lavi? – 

The spell trying to be broken, the redhead holding to it like a kid to his blanket.

\- What a lovely way to tell me I ** _look_** like shit. – A smile appeared over his lips as his hair was softly petted by the other. The charm still there.

A giggle that vibrated through his body even if that wasn’t his own. Like lying against a purring cat. 

\- Oh, I didn’t say that at all. You look pretty good for someone that basically drank enough to be preserved after death. – He caressed his cheek and Lavi felt that that touch was turning on every dormant light inside him. Bringing him back to life. 

A string of Christmas lights that slowly woke up after seasons of being forgotten. Light after light, warming up his inside and giving color to life.

\- What time is it anyway? – 

The game that never ended, going on with simple steps.

Allen pulled his hand away and read the watch on his wrist, his eyelashes looking ethereal against the light, as well as his gorgeous profile that made him understand why a war was made over a woman.

If Helena was at least an eighth part of beautiful as Allen... Well, he couldn’t blame them. 

\- About three in the afternoon. – 

His words were listened, but not understood. 

Lavi observed Allen for at least five seconds, trying to find them a meaning that could be applied to his current situation.

_Three in the afternoon._

The redhead tried to sat up, the adrenaline injected on his bloodstream as a shot of urgency as everything fell on place.

\- WHAT?! IT’S SO LATE, IM LATE FOR SCHOOL, GODDAMMIT! – 

The book fell to the floor and as his head tried to follow up with his movements a realization came to him, between the neuronal roller coaster his brain was taking suspended with the absence of gravity itself.

\- Oh wait. I graduated like six years ago, haha… - He was about to lie down again, when his brain decided it was just the right time to remind him about something more important…that he was missing. – NO, FUCK I AM THE TEACHER! –

He fell with a huge thud and immediately after, Allen’s laughter flooded the room. 

\- It’s snowing dumbass! Classes got canceled! –

Lavi rolled to face him, noticing how a second ago he was sleeping on his lap; now the shorter elbows occupying his place. 

_Nobody knows what they had until they’ve lost it, I guess…_

\- Seriously? – 

_What a morning..._

 

 

Allen was now in the kitchen, finishing a breakfast he didn’t ask for but was more than happy to eat. He was wearing a baby blue long sleeved shirt and gray pants, his feet making soft noises as he dragged them around the floor in his slippers. 

He came back with an omelet that smelled like a winner in a chef’s contest and orange juice that smelled freshly picked from Eden’s itself; placing them in front of him and then sitting right next to his side. 

\- I hope this make you feel better. Dehydration is what makes hangovers suck so much, so, don’t be shy to ask for more juice ok? –

\- I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Snowflake. Thank you. – 

It was a simple sentence. Friendly even. But with what he said last night it stroke Allen like a love declaration he wasn’t ready to take. At least not right then. 

\- It’s just an omelet, silly. – He put a string of hair behind his ear and staring at the table, he wondered if he had the courage to ask what he needed to know. A knot getting tied with the patience of a new sailor.

Lavi ate in a content silence, feeling better and better as the food washed away the alcohol that was still on his system. Yet, beside him Allen was sweating cold under his clothes, his hands in fists over his knees. 

He was almost over, and Allen thought as his mouth moved, that he couldn’t do it. The words leaving his body in an extra corporeal experience.

\- Hey Lavi…Do you…do you remember anything about last night? – 

The redhead turned to see him, noticing how he was already showered, and his hair was brushed. His brain working on the theory that he did that and regardless went back to him in the living room to put his head over his lap to pet him. An idea that munched over the sides of something he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge. 

\- I remember… most? I think? -He chewed staring at the ceiling, wondering what he was talking about. – Why? Did…Did I embarrassed you or something? I dance like a dog walking on his back legs, I’m sorry buddy…- 

Allen finally looked at him and smiled sheepishly.

\- No, you did fine. –

_I guess he doesn’t remember._

_It doesn’t have to mean something. He was just drunk. Everyone loves everyone with a few drinks on…isn’t that right? At least, that was what his stepfather would say._

\- I’m sorry you had to carry me back here. I’m used to drinking but you sure make your shots aimed to kill. – He finger-gunned him and Allen sighed, resting an elbow over the table to be able to rest his face against his palm.

\- Yeah, I’ve been told that. – He wondered if it was a good idea after all. He could let it pass. He could forget it. 

_It was just a kiss._

**_Two kisses_ ** _._

_Two kisses, then. But none that had a meaning. One was a bet and the other…the other was just tequila doing its thing._

_I love you._

The words hit his memory in a way that made him feel that he was the one dealing with the hangover.

\- Hey…- He was careful with his words. He kept inside what he had to control. He always knew how much, how many. What tone, which phrase. But with Lavi? Lavi pushed everything out of his brain, like untranslatable words that came out natural when the machine couldn’t work them out. 

Lavi was the tequila of his life. He couldn’t place if it was his eye or his smile. His easy-going aura or the fact that he knew how to keep secrets. Maybe it was the torrent of flirting pick-up lines and the never-ending stupidities he adored that came out of such an intelligent person…

Nevertheless, whatever it was…Allen couldn’t manage what to say and what to keep to his own. 

That was his biggest bet with him by then. 

_What am I going to say?_

\- …do you remember what you were about to tell me yesterday? It seemed important. – Lavi looked at him, drinking his third glass of orange juice. –

He stared curling his lips until they were practically invisible. 

_Why did I ask?!_

\- What do you mean? – 

It was like he was a balloon that someone was blowing…until that second. Deflating in a respiration that took away everything that kept him on place.

_Why are you so disappointed? Were you expecting he put down that glass and said: “About loving you? Yeah, of course I meant it. Actually, I love you.”?!_

\- Oh, it's just…you said you think you loved…- Lavi blinked and Allen suddenly felt self-conscious. A schoolgirl in love asking to be confessed in the most embarrassing way; half way of her hypothetical sentence realizing that the guy didn’t meant to tell her he loved her. – something… But then we left the bar and you never said what… -

Lavi remembered that. He remembered that clearly as day and he thanked his luck for not finishing the sentence that would fuck him up, whistleblowing himself. Ruining the only thing that kept him from being the most terrible friend on the face of earth.

Few words that would break the already tired seal of decency and sense. 

-  I…bet I was talking about your drinks…hahahaha. Those are amazing! – He covered his face, hiding it on forearm; pleading for his movement to be interpreted as tiredness and not the embarrassment that was truly there. 

_I bet not._

His conscience getting Yuu’s voice on permanent shift punched him harder in the gut. 

_I bet you were going to tell him you love him._

\- Oh, right. Thanks… - 

The disappointment in Allen’s voice was almost palpable, and filled with guilt, he looked at him, stirring the coffee that most surely than not, was already cold. 

\- But it’s not fair. – He said, the plates far from them. – You already saw me drunk! It’s a common courtesy to let me see you the same way, Snowflake. – 

Allen laughed in a worn-out way that made the inner representation of his boyfriend snicker at the redhead; mocking his defeat.

\- Oh no, I don’t think that’s going to happen. – Lavi reached for his hand, noticing he was about to get up and avoid the talk again. 

A simple but effective gesture that controlled everything, giving him earth to be tied to.

He wasn’t transparent about what he wanted or was about to do. You needed to pay a little more attention to know it…but as a librarian and historian, Lavi knew where to look for a clue. For the words that wasn’t there. 

For the secrets that were part of the plot.

For the parts that would later define the course of history. If it wasn’t just their own.

-  Come on. You promised me a date, cutie. – Allen felt his soul drop to the floor. His entire body replaced with a screaming teapot that needed to be taken out of the fire, threatening to explode and consume everything that was left. 

He let his hand to be taken. His fingers intertwining, kind brushes that electrified the pores in his skin like a subcutaneous lightning. The fresh memory of the kiss that haunted his dreams in problematic situations filled with personal space neglection from last night.

\- I did. – He whispered, his voice a child-like tone that melted Lavi’s heart; the liquid playing inside his chest like a glitter baton. – 

\- Then…how about we go to the club tonight? A night on the other side of the counter, a little bit of another embarrassing dance with me, maybe some sing along with some drinks and we come back home? –

Allen smiled at him calling his apartment “home” like it was a place he wanted to come back with him forever. A place that made him feel safe and happy.

A place that they could share.

\- Are you going to make me beg? – Lavi said, dragging his hand to stroke his face like a demanding cat, the faint sensation of a beard he never once saw before tickling his pale skin. 

\- Maybe. – Allen answered as softly as before. 

His gray eyes shaded by his eyelashes, the light hitting them forcing his pupil to contract, giving him a god-like appearance. His true feelings locked away in his divinity. 

Lavi locked his eye with his. An intense look that made him feel that if he asked him to do anything, he would do it without complaining. An order in a look that disarmed him faster that a blink of an eye. Pushing his poker face to the limit. 

Lavi slowly climbed down his chair and kneeled before the silver-haired, never once breaking eye contact neither letting go his hand. 

\- **_Please_** _, Allen_. -He said, clearly. – Please, go in a date with me. **I promise** , with all my heart, I will make you happy. – 

A pause that stopped his system. His name the chain that tamed him in a way no one ever could before. His pink lips moving only a millimeter. Trying to give him away. 

\- I will make it the happiest day of your life, if you let me. – Allen barely controlled the shiver that destroyed his nerves as it passed through his spine. – I will give you **_everything_** your heart desires. – 

Allen could bet his face was as red as a beet again, but he breathed, trying to keep his cool. Unaware that his features stood impassive. 

\- You could regret saying that Lavi. – He bent, getting closer to his face, the taste of the kiss from last night already transformed into a pleasant remembrance that was not only wildly missed, but desired intensely. –

\- I never meant anything more, love. – 

Lavi didn’t move. He let him get closer and he let him stare to his lips knowing it could mean nothing; but requiring all his might to control himself from kissing him at such simple provocation. Was it there or was just his wish transformed in a misinterpreted impression? 

\- You said the same last night… - Allen whispered to his ear, his free hand supporting his weight on his shoulder, quite close to his neck. His breath tickling his lobe, his lips too close.

_Just turn your face and…_

Allen moved his hand slowly, letting it touch his neck on his way to run his fingers through his hair, just enough to push him just a bit.

\- And I stand by my words, Allen. – His words came out shaky, the position now making obvious his vulnerability. 

He didn’t answer. Instead leaving a kiss so slow over his skin, right beside his ear that, in order to not scream right there, he bit his tongue so hard another piercing was starting to sound like a great idea. 

\- Then I warn you I don’t make refunds. – He then got up, and without giving him another look he went to pick up the table, leaving him there as the water ran as he washed the dishes. 

\- At eight. We will leave by then. – 

Mostly talking to himself, Lavi stood up and still feeling like he was dreaming, he picked up his stuff and went to shower.

 

 

The plate on his hand was already clean, but Allen kept passing the sponge over it absently.

_What the fuck are you doing? A date?!_

\- It is not a date. It’s.. just a play-date I guess… -

_Yeah right. And you are going to drink there? And what? Also confess that you think you love him?_

-Do I? –

The voice kept silent. 

Did he love Lavi? Lenalee asked him the same and he said he thought he might. But how could he be sure? Love was really complicated.

Was he in love because he liked to see him, to touch him? Was it love because he could see himself beside him? Was it love or was it not?

Was it about the caressing touches? Was it the words? What was love anyway?

Wasn’t him in love with Yuu? Was that feeling dead already? 

And if he didn’t love him anymore… what gave him the right to love someone like Lavi?

He wasn’t just anybody.

Lavi was a handsome, well positioned, wealthy and successful professor. He was smart and skillful and if that wasn’t enough, he was the best friend of his current boyfriend. 

_Who said he loves you._

\- Who could be lying. –

The words echoing with spite from a not so distant past. 

His own thought accusing him with cold indifference for his intents to fix it. 

It wasn’t his intention to accuse him. He didn’t mean to call Lavi a liar; but life taught him that if someone said they loved him, it probably was more likely that they wanted something from him than really feeling it. 

Allen learnt with time and situations, that he was lucky enough with the brief moments he managed to have with Kanda. 

When he kissed him the first time, polite and doubtful. Like he was shy about it…like…

The kiss that Lavi gave him last night, the kiss over the bar at Jerry’s replacing that first memory with the intensity of a fire blast. The heat traveling to his ears like a complimented nun. 

He dropped the plate, flustered, the thing shattering as it hit the sink.

**_\- Fuck…-_ **

_You can’t even wash a freaking dish without ruining it, now._

_Aren’t you ashamed, brat?_

The voice of his stepfather accused with the accuracy that only his corporeal presence could beat. 

\- Allen! Are you ok? – 

He turned and Lavi was there. Still dripping and only with a towel around his waist, his hair over the eye he wasn’t allowed to see.

And it was maybe that he was feeling like a traitor or the realization that his heart slipped from his iron grip. 

But the moment he arrived, with the honest worry on his face, with the fact behind his steps, that he ran over there, out of the shower for a simple plate; just like he woke up for a nightmare and stayed up until he was able to sleep…he destroyed every fortress he ever built around himself. It was just that man and that face. 

Big tears dropped from his eyes without permission. Every blink letting more came out, a dam that finally broke; a storm with only more rain to come. A pouring penitence that he had to touch to realize that was happening. 

He couldn’t even understand why he was crying, feeling like he wasn’t even the one doing it; unable to stop.

\- Allen! – Lavi ran to him, and he thought, far away from there and his tears, that he could slip and hurt himself. He thought he was also wetting his floor and that he could catch a cold. He thought many things that didn’t make sense to the moment, his hands still up, trying to avoid dripping the damn soap everywhere. Trying to at least do that thing right.

\- Did you cut yourself? Are you hurt? – He took his hands, checking him. Carefully he turned the water tap and rinsed them, carefully looking for blood. Something that only made him cry harder, the care of his touches too much.

\- Allen, sweetie. – He called him lovingly, forcing him to look him to the eye; moving some of his bangs out of his face. – I need you to tell me if you are hurt. Try breathing, please? – 

He nodded and did as he was asked, consecutive sobs being the sound of his respiration. 

\- Ok, that’s good. -He smiled a little, but Allen could still see the worry inside his pupil. – Now, did you cut yourself or are wounded in any place? Nod if you did, shake your head if you didn’t. –

Again, he followed his instructions, shaking his head. 

\- Great – Lavi sighed, straighten his posture, more relaxed. – Does this have to do with Yuu or something like that? –

Allen nodded feeling like crying horribly again. What an annoying person he was…pouring his feelings into someone to the point he pulled them out of the shower for something that stupid…

Everything for a broken plate. 

\- It’s ok Snowflake. It’s ok. – He grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him for a hug. Allen immediately let him do, hugging him tight and letting the warm of his skin sooth his growing headache. – Do you want to talk about it? –

\- No… - He mumbled, closing his eyes.

-Ok. – 

Some moments passed as he rocked him from side to side softly. His chin resting on top of the silver-haired head. Allen managed to transform his sobbing into a quiet hiccup. Being that what was left from the tempest, leaving him tired like a three hours swimming practice.

\- Do you want to shower with me? – The redhead asked after a while. Allen looked at him, still letting him hold him. Lavi was giving him his trademark lopsided smile; a joke and a real question in the middle of a bet. 

\- You are a dork. – He smacked him in the shoulder and Lavi giggled as his smile changed to a loving one. 

\- But I did make you smile. – The smallest put his sight on Tincampy’s little ball on the farther left corner of the kitchen floor, trying to concentrate in everything beside the naked and chiseled chest that he was resting against. Finally aware of his position. 

\- Sorry to make you jump out of the shower for a…a _tantrum_ …- The headache was still there palpitating in a way that demanded a nap or death. The price to pay for letting his emotions take at least a minute the wheel. 

\- Don’t say that, baby. – He called him, running his hand over his back, once again. – I’m here for you. I’m just glad you ain’t wounded. –

Lavi finally let him go and holding the towel, smiled brightly. 

\- How about you take some minutes to rest and when you wake up, we see how you feel? We don’t have to go to the club. – 

He **_did_** want to go to the club. But his head and the rest of his messy, ran over feelings…well…they had other plans.

\- Only five minutes, I’ll be up when you come out the shower. –

 

 

 

Naps are the best lies we tell ourselves. They are compromises we never really mean to do, promises we always break and of course, the easiest way to drift away peacefully: making you think for a second you will do things when you wake up.

But you never do.

Allen woke up around _nine._ His mouth dry and his understanding of time feeling like being scammed by his own brain. 

Everything was dark and he felt as confused as a newborn kitten. Looking around his room, the mirror greet him with his reflection: his hair a mess like a white cockatoo head feathers and his face crossed by the marks of a great nap over a wrinkled pillow. 

As he tried to identify what did just happen, he spotted Lavi, fully dressed and with his hair in a magnificent wave, away from his face by the grace of his black bandana with discreet silver accents, against the wall near the entry. A huge shit-eating smile, his arms crossed over his chest.

\- Hello, sleeping beauty. – 

He blinked twice and sat, kneeled on the bed. 

\- Uhm…Lavi? What time is it? Why didn’t you wake me? – He rubbed his left eye and the redhead walked near the bed towards him. 

\- You looked really cute… - Their noses were brushing and Allen, still sleepy, supported himself with his hands over his chest. 

\- Ok, mister sparkly vampire. – He muttered, making the other laugh. – Are we going? I really wanted to go to your fancy club that’s sooooo much greater than my bar. – 

\- And, I thought you did need some rest. – His words overlapping Allen’s. – Yes, love. We can go, if that’s what you want. I never said it was better, by the way. –

\- I really like when you call me that. – 

Sleepiness, on the other hand of the nap spectrum is a double-edged sword. It may drive you high on easiness, but it also acts as a truth serum, sometimes impossible to avoid. And as regrettable as a three bottled night with all the big boys.

\- Love? – The tallest asked, trying to contain the smile that threatened to crack his cheeks for such and adorable sight. 

\- Yes. – He answered, letting Lavi brush his hair as he petted him. 

Lavi wasn’t a great liar. Maybe a good one yes, but a great one? Not even close.  And as that day developed it was getting harder to keep with the act. It was getting impossible to keep being blind to the small things, to the little truths, to the words that _were there._

He was good already with being in love with Allen. If he was or wasn’t, maybe he would never know for true, but as far as he was feeling then, he was ok with it.

When he heard the crash in the kitchen and went running, when his soul was crushed the two times he saw him crying, when he was dancing with him…Or it was the first time he saw him, waking up like then, opening his beautiful gray eyes…?

Whenever it was, he was now convinced that he was in love with Allen. And that was ok, because no one could be hurt by loving him quietly. By loving him distantly. By loving him secretly. 

But with that said, he couldn’t keep it as a secret when Allen whispered between movements…that he loved him back.

\- Well, **love** … - He said once again, forgetting all about his other friends with him in front. – it’s just what you make me feel. – 

He kissed his temple, abusing the fragile seal that held together his resolution of not kissing him like he did in his dreams and make everything about just them.

With no one else to consider.  

\- Anyway, if you want to go, I suggest you get ready. – 

 

 

\- It’s this ok? – 

A pink angora sweater in a tentative size that forced a huge cleavage, the v neck showing his collarbones and a bit of a scar that ran along his right side. Black jeans and high ankle boots, the same color. Allen was just picking his coat, a gray piece with huge buttons and tall neck, letting his hair fall loose inside the fabric.

\- It’s perfect. – 

The redhead smiled, observing this time Allen was wearing only one glove as he reached for his naked hand. 

He was wearing a graphite shirt with only a denim jacket, the inside covered with white soft fabric that looked like sheep wool. A copper scarf, some black jeans and some surprisingly perfect white vans. He sported a three pieces collar in silver, as well as different black piercings and multiple bracelets. His rings on place, he squeezed Allen’s hand a little, kissing the back of it, adoring his exposing skin without shame. Feeling he was rewarded with the highest honor of his confidence.

\- Your rings make your hand feel cold. – He complained, letting him do and pressing towards his side as they left the apartment. 

\- Do you want me to take them off or do you want to warm me up, cutie? – He winked, forgetting the eyepatch and Allen rolled his eyes, smiling regardless. 

\- I’m sure you can do that fine without my help. – 

 

 

They arrived quickly, the car leaving them at the entry. The place was big and crowded, making Allen starting to get nervous _._

_What are you trying to prove?  Just leave._

He rotated, ready to leave. Crashing with Lavi.

-Everything ok, Snowflake?- 

As he was about to excuse himself a girl dressed in an elegant black uniform greeted the redhead. There was a table already booked at their name, and they were guided there, the feeling of being lost getting dimmed against the familiarity Lavi offered. He thought it would be a shame that the taller went all that way for him to fail him and asked to be taken home. Then, Allen breathes, and still holding his hand they sat together at the small corner. 

The music was loud, a constant beat that made his bar look like a joke for newbies. An almost personal space.

\- Do you want me to order for you or do you want to do it yourself? – 

Allen looks at him, the happiness of the man so contagious all the anxiety goes away.

\- Surprise me, **_date_**. –  He teases.

 

 

And drink after drink, Allen feels perfectly fine with the toleration of someone who has to taste everything they make. 

But as the drinks passed and his confidence grew, his precautions got forgotten in that beautiful green eye that promised nothing but joy. 

And he let go, one more time.

\- If I drank  _half_ of shots you had I would be **dead**! – 

\- If you drank half of the shots **I** had, you would be telling me you **_love me._** –

As the words left his mouth the reality punched through his naïvetés.   

_Fuck, I’m drunk._

_You think?_

\- I…I didn’t… - He started muttering, his phone vibrating over the table. – Oh wait…- He read the name over the screen, and as it made sense he sighed, a strange and growing anger at the edge of his nerves. – **_Oh great, fuck_**! -

Lavi listened, hammered already.

\- What is it? – 

\- Who’s it, you mean. – Allen answered, not really sure where to move to take the call. – Hello? –

- _Hello? –_

-Hello, baby? – The word tasted weird and he wondered how many months ago he decided to stop pet naming Yuu. The name an apology of a mistake he was yet to commit – 

_\- Right…I’ve been trying to reach you. Where are you? –_

\- You called? – The music blasted through the speakers, listening and being listened a task already hard on the same place, resulting almost impossible by phone. – I can’t hear a thing.  –

\- _I asked you, where are you?_ – His tone was starting to get more upset, but Allen found out it was difficult for him to care now. 

\- Ah, I have got no service in the club, you see. – He got up, his head now spinning; the vodka and his famous invisibility hitting him like a truck. He put a hand on the table, Lavi getting to his seat, ready to catch him if he ever lost his floor. 

_\- The club?! From all places you are in a club? What the fuck? With who? We agreed you would be in such places Allen! –_

\- You called me on the telephone, you feel so far away. – Lavi had his arm over the seat and Allen felt his hand near him, barely touching his sweater, now that he was without the coat; just a step away from the table. – But you always feel like that, you know? –

_\- Allen stop that. I don’t know what you are playing Walker, but whatever it is, **it’s over**. Do you hear me? – _

\- Wha-what did you say? – A hiccup interrupted the sentence. – Are you breaking up with me? –

_\- I said…-_

-Sorry, I cannot hear you. I’m kinda busy. - And with that a quick turn that stirred every milligram of alcohol inside him, he hung up on the last string of self-restraint he had. 

He took Lavi’s hand and biting his own lower lip he moved from side to side like a kid that just did what he was explicitly told he shouldn’t. 

_Are you being naughty, Allen?_

\- What was it, love? It’s everything ok? – A part of the redhead wasn’t sure if that clubbing night was a good idea, but whatever that part was, was disappearing against the music and the idea that that was indeed a great date. 

All they were doing was talking and dancing and playing and having fun and…

\- Just a second, it’s my favorite song they’re going to play. – He said, his gloved hand resting on Lavi’s shoulder as he got close enough to be face to face with him. 

\- Hmmm. – He observed as the silver haired reached for the last of his drink to chug it like a champ and as he put his glass on the table again, he smiled to him with all the danger over his lips, the knowledge of superiority plastered on them. – Allen? –

\- Yes, Lavi? – His eyelashes moved slowly as he blinked. His lips pink with all the biting they endured. Lavi pulled him a little closer, wanting him to listen. 

\- I think it’s time to leave, gorgeous. – They were so close that Allen could smell the discreet perfume of the redhead and he could smell his fruity breath after so many flavored drinks. An absolute piece of candy.

\- You think? But **_I do_** love this song. – His voice was pleading and Lavi felt arousal starting to take control of his already drunk body. 

Clearing his throat, he shuffled his options; the other moving with the music and he waited for his answer. - And I do love you and making you happy. So, we have a problem here. – 

He tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear to see his face better and Allen smiled like he never did before. Like he was the most beautiful thing in the universe. Ice building around his ribcage as he froze under his sight.

\- You said you love me. – Tired, Allen sat on his lap, letting his hand go only to put his arms over Lavi’s shoulders. – You said it again. Do you? Do you love me, Lavi? – 

Lavi knew he wasn’t supposed to say it. 

He knew everything would be fine as long as he lied. As long as he kept the secret.

_Love him secretly, and no one would be hurt._

His phone vibrated, but as he saw who it was, he turned the screen down. Trying his luck.

Betting his fate.

\- Oh Allen, why do you ask? – The alcohol pushing again the right buttons to every wrong decision in a delicious absence of higher self. He supported him hugging him by the waist, his face so close.

How deliciously **dangerous** was playing that game.

A Russian roulette where losing was winning as well.

\- I want to know now. Do you love me? Because I think I do. I think I love you. I think I love you like a shouldn’t, but I can’t avoid it. I think I love you so badly I could kiss you. –

Allen listened to himself like he listened to an unrelated stranger; too busy wondering about Lavi’s other eye and how handsome he would look without the patch, again. How nice would be to kiss him again. To feel him again.

At least once more. 

\- I do. I love you. I love you Allen. Even if you are dating Yuu. Even if you are never mine to take…-

He pushed forward, trying to say something more, but Allen met him in a kiss that wasn’t as messy as hungry; the shorter grabbing his face with both hands to move into the kiss until they both were out of breath. 

\- I’m no one to have. But if you ask nicely, professor, I think I can be kind enough to let you take me home. – 

Panting, Lavi stared at that vision, unable to pinpoint if it happened or was just a daydreaming of his. 

Then again, he cleared his numbers; the roulette spinning once more.

\- Angel, would you let me take you home? If you are so kind, I’ll treat you right. – Allen smiled pleased and kissed him again, long and poisonously slow. 

_Intoxicatingly._

\- Yes. - He said against his lips. A kiss on its own the slippery movement of temptation. - But promise something, professor. –

\- Your wish is my command, love. –  Lavi said, already drunk with his flavor.

\- I don’t want you to be nice, because if I’m perfectly honest with you... I am not _really nice_ myself. – 

 

They stumbled to the apartment, not turning on one single light as they fell into the coach where they first met. 

The coats quickly discarded on the floor, together with their shoes. As well as Allen’s only glove.

He was again in Lavi’s lap, flushed against him, the pink sweater falling by his arm, showing his shoulder, provoking the redhead to bite him, to taint him. His teeth scratching his immaculate skin as the desire to mark him grew stronger.

He kissed him from there all the way up to his neck, biting here and there, obtaining gasps and heated, strangled moans.

\- Lavi…don’t. – He held him tighter, pulling him a bit closer, not getting enough. 

It was the feeling of his skin against his lips, the glorious smell of a strange but fresh flower, the taste of ambrosia whenever he kissed that particular spot. It was everything and more; the knowing guilt of breaking every rule, spoken or not; that stung behind his tongue with a buzzing delicious numb. 

The sound of Allen’s voice was wrecking every ounce of coherent thought he ever owned. He knew what he was saying, but the tone he was using, his body pushing towards him and his hands refusing to let him go, relieved him from believing him.  

\- We can’t do this… - The redhead felt as if his veins were filled with gasoline instead of blood, the way Allen spoke the only spark that was needed to light him in a never ending, abrasive piece of fire.  

\- Why not? – He didn’t understand how he could be talking.  

His lips never once leaving Allen’s neck, obsessed with taste every single space that was available to him.  

A foreign hunger that was taking his sanity away from him.  

Allen tried to remain silent, his sentences only dragging his current relationship in the middle of what was happen.

He couldn’t say he didn’t want it or that he was _actually_ fighting to resist it. Whatever was speaking for him, surely wasn’t him. 

Because everything he wanted to do right then was _..._

_You talk too much. Put that mouth to a better use._

\- Because..mnh…B-because…- A part of him was screaming to hear him moan for real, to keep going until he was pushing him to his very edge. To force those cute pure lips to say nothing more but begs and his name.  

To make him scream of a pleasure words would be short about.

His remaining logic fighting for him to stop, warning him about the growing pain between his legs, that would be helped if he submitted to his wish.  

The last he decided (with more than little effort) to listen to. 

\- Because? – Allen on his lap, his arms again over his shoulders; letting him do as he wanted.  

_Why did you stop?_

One hand was grasping his hair while the other surely was leaving his perfect mark on his back, holding him that strong to keep him on place. There was little to none space between them, and as he pulled back relentlessly, just enough to face him properly.  

A mistake that would regret sooner than later.  

His eyes were clouded with a feeling he knew well; his cheeks flushed pink and his lips partially open, breathing heavily in a provocative manner that was forcing him to concentrate into being those inches separated from him before everything was too fast and too late. 

\- Because… - Allen grabbed his jaw with his right hand, leaning even closer so their lips would be brushing at every movement, the desire of passing his tongue over them and then kiss him so he didn’t have to finish that sentence.  – Because I’m dating Yuu, and you are his best friend. – He licked his own lips, touching Lavi’s on the same way.  

_Fuck me._

Both thoughts, in every sense.

\- I guess you are a pretty lousy boyfriend, buddy. – It was a strangled whisper. Suddenly everything felt like he was in the hottest day of summer and the only way to get a bit of freshness, a bit of water so we would not die from dehydration were those pretentious pretty pink lips.  

\- Oh? – It was small motion, the movement wave his mouth acquired. Like a stone that broke the water surface; a natural motion that drew you closer without any second chance.  

Allen, without all his inhibitions and without everything he built to keep up with the people around him, not only liked risks. He **adored** them. 

Risks, bets and challenges. Whatever allowed him to prove, without a doubt, he had the control of the situation. The Allen who cheated, who won, who played. 

And there was Lavi, asking... _no_ , **begging** for him to show him. 

_How much you care?_

He breathed deep and long and after torturing him enough with that longing distance, he finally kissed him. And what a hell of a kiss that was! Lavi was sure his mind shut down for at least an entire minute of pure ecstasy.  

He was surely giving his whole.  

The kiss was open mouthed, without any other thoughts. Without any shame or guilt or anything beside passion.  

A flaming shooting star made of passionate fire, intending to consume everything it touches to ashes.  

His tongue was looking for his as soon it arrived, touching sweetly and with all the security in the world. A kind invitation to sin. 

A deal with the devil himself. 

Because after tasting that, Lavi was sure, he couldn’t just say goodbye.  

Who ever Yuu was once was already doomed.  

As he pulled back (much to Lavi’s demise), he bit his lip playfully. Making the redhead try to follow him again to keep the kiss going. A skilled lead to surrender your heart. 

Nevertheless, he got apart again, and as he looked down at him from his privileged seat he smiled in such a malicious way that Lavi thought if in reality that innocent face was nothing but a trick.  

Didn’t the church warned him about such wicked ways?  

\- Not as lousy as you as a best friend, isn’t it… **buddy**? – The sentence a melody on its own. A siren call that started as a purr and ended as a poisoned dagger, decorated with a teasing laugh. Lavi felt again that sting of embarrassment, knowing what he did.  His hands now slithering over his shirt, slowly in every right place.

What a horrible friend he was, indeed. 

Because behind all, he couldn’t wish a better place to be beside under that demonic angel of god.  

He closed his eyes for a second and his lips were taken again, banishing any other doubt. 

_You are here now._

It was the movement of his body. The curvature of his pushing need. How he knew they would touch as he rubbed against his legs and pushed towards his chest.

\- Ahh… -Lavi moaned loud and uncontrollably. The heat taking the best of him. – **_God fucking dammit…Allen.._** –

He covered his face, feeling a blush hitting him out of place. 

\- Let me see you Lavi. – He held his hands softly, forcing them down gently. – _Please_. – Pleading eyes and a million dollars pout. Touching the string of his eyepatch with his different colored hand that mesmerized the redhead, until he was uncapable understand why he would ever cover it.  – I want to see your face. -

\- If you say **_please_** like that again you are going to **break** me Allen, for _fucksake_ , I swear. –

Danger. Pleasure. **Desire.**

He smiled like a devil and moved again, their now obvious erections brushing through the fabric as he hung from his neck and moaned on his ear. 

 _\- Mhn, ah..Lavi, **please**..nh_. – 

The three brain cells that were left for the redhead tried to thought through it. Was it a good idea? Probably not. Did they care? Not at all. Were they making already bad decisions that made them feel more than pretty good? **Absolutely**. 

 **\- Yes**. Oh **fuck** , yes. Whatever you want, **yes, yes**. – A shiver ran through his body, electricity that turned on everything on him. The shadow of an orgasm that would made him blackout if it arrived like that. – ** _Forever. Always. A million times yes, my love. -_**

He closed his eyes, not daring to move a muscle with him over and Allen separated just enough to take the eyepatch off. As he dreamed about it many times. As he wished forever. As he always imagined since the very first time they met. 

And Lavi braced for the worst as he opened his eyes. 

Finally seeing the face that made him the worst sinner in the story of hell.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, you beautiful readers! I am really grateful and happy about your messages. All your comments have been a delight and you have no idea how excited I was to upload this chapter!!  
> This starts the mess and ends the preparation and I hope you are ready for it!  
> Everything starts to fall in place and I couldn't bargain with myself anymore so I bring to you this super long chapter that it's almost twice as I usually write.  
> I am really proud of this and I wanted to share it with you. As I explained in the first chapter this is an absolutly self-indulgent fic. 8 years ago, I wrote a super messy chapter about a song that if you ever heard Lady Gaga you will recognize in the lyrics.  
> It was out of characters, it didn't had a clear plot and of course it end in nothing.  
> Regardless, this bothered me to no end as I grew as a writter and I promised myself I would fix my mistake and I finally did.  
> Telephone it's a great song and even if this whole fic carries single sentenced lyrics and names of the album Crybaby; Telephone from Lady Gaga was always it's core.  
> I couldn't be more satisfied with the result. The dialogues I built over the song as well as the grow of the characters... not to mention how beautifuly you percived them, how you understood them! You made one of my dreams come true. Being able to communicate a character to the point that people even if they didn't identify with them, understood them.  
> You even asked about Kanda! And believe me, he still has a run in this race, don't worry! You'll be seeing him soon. I bet he isn't happy with all that calling stuff. 
> 
> I love music as much as I love writting and I hope I also translated it well. Im not much a fan of giving you the songs which I write with, but I'll do an expection with this chapter. 
> 
> I chose Beautiful Trauma by P!nk in the first part, were Lavi wakes up. The songs at the club are totally Lady Gaga albums and the song that Allen asks to listen because it's his favorite? Just Dance, from the album The Fame Monster.
> 
> Anyway, Im not doing much better with my job but I have a plan now and feeling all better. Thank you all for your encouraging comments!
> 
> I hope I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writting it. 
> 
> Please! Keep leaving me comments, how do you feel, what did you think, what did you like! Even a single worded comment can make my day. Thank you for reading and being in this journey with me, that has barely started!
> 
> Oh, heads up. Next chapter will be full NSFW.


	9. Training Wheels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its cold outside baby, but not inside of this room. 
> 
> The final seal barely unbroken, abused by its creators. Will be finally be destroyed this night?  
> Everyone its someone else without inhibitions and this boys are about to found that out.
> 
> More than one kiss, the original sin and surely... A night hard to forget.
> 
> "I wanna ride my bike with you. Fully undressed, no training wheels left for you...I'll pull them off for you"  
>  
> 
> [NSFW PEOPLE. I REPEAT THIS WHOLE CHAPTER ITS A NOT SAFE FOR WORK! FROM THE BEGINING TO ALMOST THE LAST LINE!]

Slow-motion movement. A suspended moment.

Lavi opened his eyes with cold sweat that decided to remind him that outside the snow was constructing a kingdom of white deserted loneliness.

A sentence to the same feeling.

He remembered the last time someone else saw his naked face.

He had a mirror close by, and painfully, his brain delivered the recollection in perfect state. Preserved to be replayed.

One time after the other.

_“-You don’t understand! I can’t control it…it’s just…!-_

_-It’s ridiculous. You are just a monster, Lavi.-”_

The echo of his own voice breaking in desperation, trying to justify, trying to stop the world from spinning one inch more. To rewind time before everything happened.

Allen was just staring, his gray eyes big and his face with a frozen expression that didn’t speak to him.

He started to get nervous.

Since the last time some years have passed, and the scar of the situation palpitated with terror. He was barely a teenager then and now…with him…

_You put your neck out there, pal. If he hates you now, it’s going to destroy you._

_Was this worth everything you ever built?_

\- Please…say something. –  He whispered, lowering his sight. The night silent.

\- No. No, don’t do that. – His hands were warm and his voice soft, quick to answer. – Don’t do that, Lavi. Look at me. – He took his chin, making him face him.

The redhead obeyed, shy and regretting lowering his defenses.

It was twice as hard reading the other man. Not only Allen was someone who always tried to hide what he felt, his face always a perfect poker face; but now that both of them were drunk, his face was displaying a sphynx vibe. All answers neither wrong nor write.

His eyes met, his lips delivering the answer:

– You are so handsome, dear heavens. –

Allen exhaled; the same amount of amazement reserved only to the first time he saw the process of restoring a painting.

\- You are so _incredibly fucking beautiful. –_ His fingers glided from his cheek to his hair, moving slowly near his face; his pupils dancing around it, trying to fix that moment into his memory. Detail to perfection.

A frame of glory.

Lavi let him do, his eyes traveling to his parted lips.

\- Not as much as you, gorgeous. – He murmured; finally breathing.

It was a secret. Whispers in the dark that would be permanently just theirs. Afraid to burst the bubble they managed to create around themselves.

Where there was nobody else.

 

Allen studied art history because of love.

He loved how something could transcend time. A look, a smile, hair moving in the wind, a fruit, a dream…an idea. He loved how artists would pour their soul in their work and how the _feeling_ would be there a thousand years later. He loved how beauty could be, not caged, but summoned into pieces of cloth, of marble, of stone. How someone could get something completely plain and transform it into something wonderful.

A simple _man_ that was really a _god_.

The embodiment of love.

And Lavi there, under him, chiseled to perfection with uneven eyes like two precious stones; was surely what could make anyone want to become an artist.

A sudden feeling of crying that he swallowed with the effort of not wanting to be embarrassed in front of his greatest desire.

He understood the men and women he studied in every class. How they were capable to spend hours and days and years in something that many people would consider useless or banal. They didn’t want the fame or the recognition. They didn’t want to pass the time or even to work… They needed to show what they saw the moment they had a peak of heaven.

That was art. And art…art was _him._

\- I don’t think you understand what I mean. –

The redhead snickered, his hands now on Allen’s tights.

\- Baby…I don’t think _you_ understand. I would sell my soul to kiss you again. – He moved his hands slowly, his peace firm and obvious.

\- Well…isn’t it good you don’t have to? – He answered, closing the distance. His lips caressing each other. Allen’s were now plump and red and Lavi adored the softness of the touch. He pushed to kiss him and again, the shorter leaned away.

\- You are such a tease, Allen. – His laugh was dark, easy to feel for Allen, now with his hands over his chest. It was a warning and a promise. But with his face without the patch, the silver-haired got distracted; the alcohol slowing down his thoughts, the words escaping his tongue.

_Are you sure you want to do this? There’s no way back. If you touch Allen…You will not be able to st…_

His mind was silenced as he grabbed his ass, firmly enough to make him move towards him; a craving that bothered him since he saw Allen bend for a movie a few nights back.

A gasp that was cut with an open mouth kiss, his tongue entering without waiting for permission. He would have been gentler, or more patient, but alcohol was pressuring him, the adrenaline pumping, and the wait was more than enough. Allen’s hands flew to his biceps and he payed the attention he could to be aware if he was trying to push him away.

But as he tried to break the kiss to ask, those fingers grabbed him tight.

\- Don’t you dare…! – Allen pushed again, throwing himself at the redhead, whose mind went blank as once again, his erection rubbed against the other.

The kiss, the movement, the small noises. The alcohol, the temptation, the desire. It was that and the lack of interruptions. Two solitudes that managed to not only touch each other but demanded to be merged.

The seal was finally broken. The demon caged inside both free.

A bite from the forbidden fruit.

His hands moved quickly under the pink, soft sweater and as he traced his back, the kiss was getting hotter and somehow _hungrier._

Until Allen broke apart, grabbing without a question the edge of his shirt, pulling from it until he was able to throw it away. An act of magic on its own.

Now you see it, now you don’t.

Lavi blinked, surprised by his skill; an opportunity arising as the other tried to kiss him again. The part of his brain that was still on the game talking.

\- Oh no, sexy. This a one for one. – Allen’s eyes were filled with a lust that made his mouth dry and thirsty. His skin crawling at the sight of such energy in those silver orbs. A wolf dressed like a lamb.

The urge to let him do was strong; Allen’s pink tongue showing between his lips, like a plead. Regardless, he resisted; swallowing.

– You took my shirt; I’ll take something from you… -

Allen nodded, his hands now on his collarbones. The fake innocence returning as it never left. He lowered his eyes, the aura of submission back there as bite.

\- Get this off, beautiful… - Lavi ordered, pulling playfully from the other pants.

But Allen wasn’t at all like that.

He wasn’t nice and he wasn’t obedient. And now, with all the restraints that sobriety gifted him, gone…Allen was who he was.

A _player._

Without a word he stood, in less than a second letting his pants drop, his legs soft and pale, milky porcelain. Lavi was about to say something, pleased, but as he dropped his underwear as well, his face changed.

Allen knew the sweater covered enough and he gave a step closer to the redhead. His eyes glued to his face, step after step, the movement of a feral cat. His skin reflecting the moonlight that poured through the window, the darkness inside the only protection against any curious eyes.

Not that he could care less.

\- I think, professor…that you forgot the house play by its rules. – His accent was heavy and slow, his homeland in every word. Lavi never noticing it as clearly as then.

He bent to rest his hands on Lavi’s knees, separating them enough to make himself some room. Then, he moved his hands to his inner tights, pressuring a little as it went up, stopping right before his dick. Knowing exactly what he was doing. His eyes still confronting Lavi, whose lower lip started trembling in excitement.

The sudden explosion of sensations proving to be too much.

_That mouth…_

\- Ah…Allen I..- He heard his zipper getting undone, a faint touch over his boxers. – _Fuck..-_

\- Yes? – He kissed his jaw, making a path until reaching his ear, nibbling his earlobe.

\- If you do that…I…I won’t be able to stop… -

\- Then don’t. – Was the answer as his hand slithered under the fabric to cup him.

Later, Lavi wouldn’t remember how or in which moment he did it; but he pulled Allen again into his lap, his members meeting for the first time without anything in the middle.

\- _Mh…!_ – A restrained panting that preceded Allen’s free hand scratching his back as he tried to hold to him. –

Lavi hold him by the waist, his palms sweaty and his heart racing in a nervous state close to frenetic. Was he doing that?

Allen moved against him, rubbing himself with his already stimulated member; his right over Lavi’s shoulder and his left brushing his hair so delicately that almost seemed a spiritual experience.

\- Allen…Allen I…- It was getting hard to think. Hard to speak. The very definition of heat.

\- Yes, Lavi? –

_You know he **is** drunk, right?_

A terrible timing of last minute responsibility.

\- I…I need to know if…if you really want this. –

His eyes were heavy, and the round and perfect face of Allen looked almost as another realistic dream as he smiled, thrusting his hips again, a slowly and burning movement that was in absolute control.

A shiver ran through his entire body, a shaky breath punched out of his lips.

\- Oh, Lavi. You are so sweet. – Was the condescending and almost threatening answer of a man that was made of sin and pleasure. Allen pinched his cheek, moving again. His body flushed against his naked chest; the defined feeling of his dick against the other sharp with an implausible sensation of hyper-reality, his body shaking.  
\- Isn’t it a little late to be asking? – His mouth moved, trying to answer. But Allen was now over him, their lips with little to no distance. – I really want this, handsome. –

His eyes went from his mouth to the other eyes slowly, and Lavi swallowed realizing that if someone was in charge there…it wasn’t him at all.

-Now, if you may, there is a bottle of something you could use in the side table drawer. That’s of course…If you want to get inside… _professor._ -

A strange feeling, tingling at his finger tips as his arm moved; like he was only a puppet and Allen was the master mind moving his strings.

It was a flash, the lamp over the table fell making a crashing noise that he didn’t hear. All that was there the bossy dark words of the silver haired. Lavi vaguely thought about the first time he tasted wine and liked it. How it was true that you could taste the sweetness in the sour. How it moved in your mouth with consistence and body. How the color was a special shade to each taste.

And Allen there, was just like that. Moving and living like perfectly aged wine. His words like the body of the drink, his eyes like the depth of the liquid, his entire being like its taste. And by then he was aware that even if he wasn’t as drunk as he thought…he was truly intoxicated by that man.

Blindly, he reached for the item, understanding what he was asking for without bothering to mention the thing. A bottle that appeared him as weirdly new, was the first thing his hand could grab; his content clear as Allen rubbed once again against him, making him hiss with anticipation. Hiding himself as he kissed him again in the neck, trying to concentrate in not biting him, afraid of mark him and spoiling the fun.

\- Lavi… - He didn’t know if Allen knew the power of his name gave him. – **_Lavi, don’t make me wait. –_**

Or maybe he did.

Whenever he pronounced it a discharge for him to obey. To surrender.

A master calling his pet. A place he would gladly fill without any hesitation anymore. A proudly seat for him to yearn. A sweet tone that evolved into a command.

\- You make me sound like a blasphemy… - He told him, squeezing his cheeks with his free hand, an impulse that tried to take the wheel again in that cataclysmic downfall of his last crumbs of pride. Allen looked down on him, challenging. The privileged seat on him allowing him to tower over the usually taller redhead. His words slow and charged with command.

\- **You are**. – Allen said. Danger running through the letters. He took their members together, squeezing just enough for Lavi to shut his eyes, holding him now by the arms, his hands leaving a mark that the silver haired didn’t mind.

\- Ohhhh… ** _fuck!_** – His head back on the sofa, Allen biting him on the curvature that his exposed neck and his shoulder made, not caring about how it would look.

Lavi reincorporated, looking at him, squirming on his hand. The power of his will surrendered to him. His dick already prepared by a generous layer of lubricant.

_If I die for this, I will die happy._

\- Tell me if it hurts? – He tried to whisper; letting him guide him to his entrance; Allen kissing him as he let himself fall without anything else.

The instant he was completely inside him suspended, the noise absent in a void that halted the picture like antigravity.

Allen mind was a mess that worked by only one thing and one alone.

_Lavi_.

It was all that it said and all it wanted.

There wasn’t anything else but the redhead, and as he stared at him the arousal inside him rose higher and higher. Making almost unbearable to breathe. Kissing him the only way to survive in the heat. Making them both only to want more.

 

His weight and warmth made hard to keep up with reality.

\- _Yes..nh..-_ Allen moaned on his mouth; moving time after time, slow but sure, a pace that was progressing fast. Up and down, harder every time.

He was holding Allen by the hips, letting him guide, the control way out of his hands by now. Whenever he sat, letting himself fall, driving him crazy. A conscient and almost painful resistance to not cum after each thrust.

It was a _job_ on its own to keep his own moans down, not mentioning the amount of control that required listening the other do it.

\- I don’t think _ah,_ I can resist _nh,_ much longer, _ah Allen_ …-

\- _Mnh.._ D-don’t say that..- He moved again, faster. Lavi having a hard time either having his eyes open or closing them. His own moans loud, leaving only some space to his harsh breathing and panting. Making him realize those would be the last words he would be able to say coherently. – Don’t say that, I still… _mh.._ –

Lavi nodded, letting him move. His hands trying to follow him, already leaving long marks as his nails traced the pale skin. A particular move that curled everything inside him into stars of pleasure, his hips thrusting back without a thought, without him doing it.

From reasoning to instinct, he could only want more.

As the climax got closer and the pace got faster his mind went away once more to leave him only with what he would call the _worst_ part of himself. The words coming out and letting him understand them as he heard himself speak; Allen holding to him, pulling his hair with a hand, balancing over him as he held with the other by his shoulder, so close to his neck that will leave a bruise like a collar the day after.

\- **I love you**. _Fuck, I **love** **you,** Allen. – _

It was an impulse.

\- W..what? –

A mistake.

\- Uh? –

A mistake?

He stopped, a lock of hair and some strands falling in front of his face, sweat drops running through his cheeks and getting lost after running by his neck.

The light hit his back; his silhouette contoured by it into the darkest night. His red lips like rose petals parted, allowing him to breathe through his gasps. He blinked several times, his brow furrowed, waiting for him to answer.

Lavi ordered his last brain cell to face what it have just done.

\- What did you say? -

\- I…- He could still lie. He was on time to say anything else. What was more pathetic than saying _I love you_ the first time you have sex with someone?

_Nothing._

Yes, he said it at the bar, but there? It was an entirely different thing. He told Allen he loved him because he was almost sure he wouldn’t remember. But now? Having worked out at least a part of those drinks? He couldn’t be that sure.

_Too late, cowboy._

\- I love you. – He said again, swallowing. The high of still being rode by that fallen angel still pumping adrenaline to his heart. -

Allen smiled, his hands on each of Lavi’s cheeks. He kissed him, slowly, starting to move again.

\- I love you too, Lavi. I _really_ do. –

An orgasm that arrived to early for Lavi wishes, wanting only more as Allen kept going as fast as only the instinct could move. Getting there with a whimpering moan that was almost unnoticeable beside the scream of pleasure of the redhead.

 

The room filled by their panting as they tried to recover breath. The silver haired hugging him lightly, his head resting against his right shoulder.

Lavi tried to support him, his arms too tired to be faithful; still inside him.

\- We…we should…we should move…- He managed to say, his eyes closed. Riding down his orgasm a numb and exquisite sensation that refused to let him do anything but stay put. Opening his eyes; a dizzy fast car drive in which he was only the highly drunk passenger. Like the first time flying in an airplane. Like his tallest rollercoaster. A tingling feeling that ran by his skin with small electrical sparks. Only capable to speak because of his worry for the other.

\- Mh. – Allen mumbled, sighing. –

Some moments passed as they recovered, Allen creating space to face him.

\- Didn’t I ask you not to be nice, mister? – He traced with his finger the bridge of Lavi’s nose, until he touched his lips. –

\- Yes? -  The redhead managed to open his golden eye, a mischievous and pleased smile rewarding him for the effort. –

\- Then I think you owe me. – Allen kissed him on the cheek, slowly standing up, his sweater still covering him in a teasing way that was almost painful to the other. He started slowly walking to his room, stopping at the corner of the wall that was the bathroom to support himself and see him.

Lavi stared all the way, every step he took, and cursed as he felt the imminent boner that was threatening to appear.

\- Are you going to come or was that too much for you? –

Allen was a champion at bluffing. After playing _god-knows_ how many games it was almost a requirement and now; as his legs trembled slightly and he held to the wall, he used the best of his ability to not let the redhead know how tired he was.

_Go big or go home?_

He smiled, a battle of egos with a playful undertone. Lavi stood up, his eyes on Allen’s; who bit his lower lip as he got near, waiting to escape into his room.

 

When Lavi reached the door, he found Allen already on bed; sat almost in the middle of it. His beautiful long legs were bent as he supported his weight with his arms, his hair pushed back and held now with some bobby pins. The light of the nightstand on, flooding the room with warm, yellow light.

\- You are a piece of work. – Lavi said, resting against the door frame, still tired from what he could only call _love making._

\- I am. – The other answered. A naughty smile that Lavi tried to avoid passing his hand through his copper hair, pulling it back as it was still wet. He crossed his arms and Allen observed him provocative. – Are you going to make me beg you to come here, _eye candy?_ –

\- _Eye candy?_ Do you even listen to yourself? – Lavi adored the compliments. Even if they were from a drunk teasing devil like that and not the sweet only spicy Allen he was used to. -  I’m thinking about it. – He smiled as the silver haired let himself fall dramatically on the mattress. – Do you even know how to? –

\- Oh **baby** , do I? – He crawled to the corner of the bed like a stretching cat, the sweater barely hanging from his shoulders, his neck still asking to be marked. – I can plead, I can beg, and you can put me a collar and make me call you however you wish. But _only_ if its **_you_**. –

He rolled facing the ceiling and Lavi felt the urge to start again what they just finished.

How could he do that? At the couch he was an entirely different person. Bossy, controlling, dominating. And there? He was speaking about being bounded like Lavi’s heart to his beautiful face. How could he be both and none when the sun hit the sky?

Before he knew it, Lavi walked and kneeled in front the bed, caressing his cheek as Allen opened his eyes.

\- So…you have a collar? – A mix of curiosity and lust. Another secret whisper to share only by them both.

\- I do. – Allen whispered back, his eyelashes moving slowly as he blinked; the redhead entertained tracing his scar lovingly.

\- And are you going to show it to me or is this just one of those things you use to tease me? – The other giggled, raising a hand to pull him for a brief kiss.

\- Maybe I will, but I surely want those pants away as exchange. One for one, Lavi. –

Lavi rolled his eyes, already too excited by the idea.

\- I don’t know. How do I know you are not lying to me, Love? – It was a useless argument, as he was already getting rid of his last pieces of garments.

\- You don’t. – Allen murmured as he left for a drawer. And as Lavi finally stood naked, he turned a moment, shaking hands putting on the accessory he only wore once before.

He faced the redhead, a glorious statue worthy of any god and some temples.

A sculped body that no one held a candle against. And weirdly enough he felt a blush make his way to his cheeks as he gauged the piece of heaven that he was sure could never had enough about.

Lavi was self-conscious, but as he saw Allen open his pink and beautiful lips as he observed him, he couldn’t help but smile proudly. It was probably that they already had sex or more surely than not, the fact that his last brain cell was long dead.

It was the sheepish look in Allen who, not even twenty minutes before, was a hungry predator ready to subdue him; but now was all small and fragile, the collar around his neck an open invitation to defile him.

He extended his hand and Allen was quick to grab it, letting him take him to the bed, where he allowed him to lay with his head on the pillows, pinning him down.

\- You said you know how to beg. – He whispered against his ear, kissing him just below his earlobe, slowly.

\- Yes. – His voice quiet, his arms over his own head. – Do you want me to? –

Lavi felt a slap of heat with an express ticket to the south freeway; accusing him of getting excited to early in the game, sure that Allen could feel his member against his naked open legs.

Regardless, the shortest said nothing, waiting for his answer; his eyes completely focused on him and nothing else. Just like he wished them to be. Forever.

\- Show me. – His hair started falling on his face and Allen thought about Greek gods and their always messy hairstyles. Was he in the position to refuse to such a kind god?

He thought he wasn’t. And even he was, he wouldn’t want to.

\- _Please._ – He mustered in the most enchanting voice Lavi ever heard. The sound of an ocean weave and the color of liquid gold.

\- Again. – The redhead asked, uncapable of ordering him. An angel to his eyes. A present his mere presence.

\- _Please…_ \- Allen repeated, a soft but audible breath pushing out of his mouth that contorted the plead into a poetic moan. The song of a celestial violin in his solo. The taste of a single drop of the wine that he was on a dry tongue.

\- Is that all? – He listened to himself. His voice was firm, but never rough; amazed by his display of control, already destroyed inside him and his throbbing dick.

\- _Please, Lavi. Please…-_ He squirmed below him, moving his face just enough to show how the collar hugged his snow-white neck. – _Please take me. –_

His mind erased, his body moving on its own.

The redhead grabbed Allen’s wrists with one hand to keep them on place, lowering enough to kiss him as much as the collar allowed him to do.

\- I thought you were no one to take… - He whispered against the skin, already wishing to switch his hand to touch his chest under the piece of cloth that he was already fond of.

\- _Please…-_ He pleaded again. A ghost hand around Lavi’s heart in that moan. – _Mark me, take me…fuck me. -_

And in a single moment of arrogance, completely out for an instant of the guilt and regret that always chased him he asked:

\- But what about Yuu? He is going to notice that, don’t you think? – As the words left, a faint sting started growing inside him. That…until the flower that gave his life sense opened again his twin silver pools.

\- _Mh, please professor. I don’t think he cares anymore… -_ He moved against him, raising his hips to touch him, the only incentive the other needed. – _Take me, please I want you… I **need**_ _you Lavi, I…AH! –_

 He bit him below the collar, a red mark forming under his lips. He took one of Allen’s tights bending it a little just to enter him in a single movement that teared a loud moan that was tried to be eased with a kiss on the bruised skin.

\- I’m sorry Love, that was a bit rough. – He called him against his ear, hard breathing. Only to start moving painfully slow. The sensation of being inside like the orgasm itself.

Allen was biting his own lower lip, an expression of pain and pleasure all the same. He nodded as Lavi moved, his hands on his shoulders to pull him closer.

\- Do you want me to stop? – A question sneaked as he finally touched him under the sweater, gently rubbing his nipples.

Quickly Allen shook his head, a provocative little whimper.

\- If you want anything more, I’m afraid you must ask, beautiful. –

\- _Please Lavi, more. –_ His eyes were heavy lidded and as he opened his mouth to speak the redhead could only concentrate in how it moved asking for him to take him once again. – _I need more…-_

Happy to please, he kept moving. Supporting his position, slowly rotating Allen to be able to go deeper, his growing pleads driving the last string of sense from him. Biting and marking the neck he dreamed about, making sure it was more than obvious that he was taken if it wasn’t before.

_Finders keepers._

A move that would regret later, when alcohol wasn’t an issue and the sun was out to shame their lack of restraint.

That stupid leap of faith.

It was hard to keep his eyes open, but his wish to engrave the image of Allen pleading and crying for him was on its own an energy boost.

Because even if he wanted to ignore it, maybe that would be a one in a lifetime chance for someone like him.

The man who stole the fire from the gods.

A lifelong punishment for reaching heaven with the tips of his fingers.

The adrenaline was fading as he was near the climax once again, uncapable of listening to his own moans of the other name. Grabbing him by the collar as he came, kissing him desperately longing for that to never end.

 

Lavi fell beside him, worried to hurt him if he did on top.

\- Are…are you ok? – He asked as his mind tried to keep hold of the moment.

\- Mh-mh. – Allen murmured, letting himself be dragged to the redhead’s chest; gladly hugging him.

\- I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say. - A silent pause that worried him a little as they recovered. - Is this coming off in a cheesy way? –

\- It’s not. – He sighed, nuzzling as close as he could; unable to care about anything else, happier than he ever was. Letting his eyes finally close, Lavi resting his head against his as they both fell asleep, tired and luckily drunk.

_Ignorance it’s bliss._

 

It was near five am when the phone rang.

Two hours too late. Two phones out of battery and only one more to call at the other side of the world.

\- Lenalee? – A strained voice asked, thick Japanese accent present in the name.

- _Hello? Kanda? –_ She was asleep, and he knew it. She deserved to rest, and he tried to feel regret as the fire of the jealousy and anger scorched inside his heart until it hurt his ribs. Not able to do so.

\- Do you happen to know where Allen and Lavi are? – His tongue tasted like bile and blood as he pronounced the question, the anxiety of something existing out of his grip making him hate the decision of leaving his beautiful and flirty boyfriend to his own.

Out of his sight. Out of his **_control._**

\- _Allen? –_ Lenalee barely managed to understand what his friend was asking, not even awake. – _No, I don’t. Do you want me to check on them? It’s a bit late tho..-_

_-_ Don’t bother. Thanks. –

The call was over and as the girl stared at her phone as the pieces of the conversation started to make sense.

\- Oh.. ** _fuck!_** –

 

It was five with seven minutes when Lenalee tried again to contact with the two dead phones. Their owners submerged in sweet dreams, already sleep in each other embrace.

 

It was one in the afternoon at Tokyo where an airplane ticket was being bought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my favorite readers! Did you miss me?  
> My apologies for leaving you with such a cliffhanger. I bring to you the first and longest NSFW that I published.  
> I hope you enjoy it! I surely had fun writting it even if it was hard for me. I tried to find the balance in the narrative so I hope it came out right.  
> I must say I trully had fun making their roles out of the norm. I didn't want to make Lavi the classic iron fisted tops or Allen just an innocent bottom that knows nothing. I mean...that isn't what they are. I tried to use their personailities to the max.  
> Is there anything you particulary like about this chapter?  
> Thank you all for keep reading and your comments about the fic! But I have to give a special thanks to Somnus_35 who not only leaves me the most beautiful and thoughtful messages but also recommended me the song Want by Taemin which plays a huge part in this chapter! Thank you so much! I specially wish for you to like it.
> 
> Im excited for the next chapter already and since I have no more compromises beside going to school Im confident on being able to write more. 
> 
> This is getting interesting don't you think? I told you Yuu was about to appear! Any thoughts? 
> 
> Again, if you like, share, comment on this you make me as happy as I can be! It's always a treasure to be awarded with a comment no matter how small it is. You make this writter day! 
> 
> If you feel like this isn't privite or you want to talk to me in a more personal level this is my twitter @noctomata you can always follow me there and contact me. I promise I'll be updating there some details about how everything is going. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	10. Mad Hatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath its what makes a disaster one. After a night that was perfect, the magic fades, leaving them only with the cold reality of their currect lives.  
> What is the right choice? To be or not to be? Questions seems to be the only thing that is constant for this two.  
> Would everything be allright? 
> 
> Next morning, a car and a pretty lovely tearoom. 
> 
> "I'm peeling the skin off my face 'cause I really hate being safe"

Dreams were always like fog to Lavi.

They moved in soft, shady clouds, all of them close to ground; sneaking like snakes or ropes made out of smoke, making impossible for anyone to follow their tracks. Making impossible to know if it was a beginning or an ending. Impossible to catch. They didn’t make any sense and if anything, they made him wake up with a confusing feeling at top of his stomach. Like the faint sensation of being lifted from your seat when the car goes too fast in a downside road.

If he could choose, he would definitely take the “ _non-dreamer_ ” option, if he had videogames stats. But life is never that easy…is it?

Either way he couldn’t really say he dreamed.

More often than not, this “ _dreams”_ would disappear the moment he woke. Everything out, like a disconnected tv in the middle of a transmission. And then real life would crawl into his system like a radio that struggled, but finally found a station to transmit.

_[ Hello this is your daily dose of normality. Have a nice day being ordinary! ]_

Eyes wide open, dreams forgotten.

But there was a type of dreams he could remember. Actually, make that _two_ types.

One, were no mere dreams, but as Lenalee called them, _premonitions._ Horrible _flash-forward_ into the future that he would be not only anxious but also feel obligated to share. Terrified every time of their accuracy.

Glimpses that subjected him into being the barer of the worst news.

_“Don’t kill the messenger.”_

They weren’t always bad, but that didn’t make them pleasant to the redhead.

In his opinion, the future was better as a mystery. Knowing just…forced him to feel miserable as he stared into the inevitable.

And the other, were the dreams that nobody wanted to have. The dark sand of the dream man, the terror, the cold, the regret.

The others…were the nightmares.

Vivid and with the ability to get engraved in his skin, he hated his nightmares even more than the premonitions. He couldn’t know how to tell them apart; and a nightmare will always haunt him as his life passed, making him feel on edge and scared of every single thing that was out of place. Never knowing how or when would arrive, not a single sign of something that would tip him off to recognize them coming.

Since what truly made Lavi’s nightmares worse than his premonitions were the perfectly normal situations that were installed in.

They weren’t about monsters or falling after walking through the sky. No. Lavi’s nightmares were made of the people he loved hating him, a moment of his past repeated in an unescapable loop, about his home, about his life. About what scared him every day on a normal basis. An invisible hand that twisted around his life and told him about what were on other people minds. True or not.

They were about him.

And as he opened his eyes, he begged that that was a nightmare. Because there was absolutely no chance, that he was going to survive after that.

\- Did you sleep well? I mean, you surely look rested to me. Is it the bed? –

It was like a vacuum absorbed every single organ. Every cell from his insides. Every lasting drop of blood. There was nothing left but a weak carcass of the man he once was.

\- I…-

A mere shadow of existence.

\- Or is it my boyfriend? – He didn’t seem upset and that was exactly what sent Lavi into the next life as his ghost stayed there, trembling in fear. – Because I can tell you, he is one hell of a partner. Warm and loveable, always ready to take you in…But I bet you already know that…right, Lavi? –

His dark eyes were daggers and Lavi gulped as the tall man stepped into the light that seeped through the window. His words poisoned in a calm sarcasm.

\- Yuu… This is…-

\- Mhp? Let me guess: “ _This isn’t like that”, at **all**. _ Is it? –

Lavi curled his lips and stared at him. Yuu still had his gym bag hanging from his shoulders, his arms crossed over his chest and his long hair falling like a black cascade. He was wearing a black sweatshirt and pants that matched. Twin red lines across them, the brand name too small and anyway, out of his sight.

The sweatshirt zipper was open and the red in the last part of the sleeves as well as the collar made him look paler in the moonlight, more menacing. He could see how his collarbone merged with his tight muscles and even when he wasn’t a weakling, he was aware of the huge disadvantage he had against his high school friend, who was now, not only a trainer, but also a champion on his field.

And what was he? A teacher and a librarian whose last workout session was banging someone else boyfriend…

\- Not much to say? That’s new. – He got closer, making him flinch. – You know…I could still think you were just sleeping with him because of his stupid dreams but… I think you are missing too much clothes for that to be the case… -

He pointed at him; his body barely covered by the duvet, which fell on his lap. His mind ran at the speed of light, trying to give him something…anything to grab into.

\- I’m…I’m sorry Yuu… I didn’t mean… -

\- You _didn’t mean it?_ Couldn’t you see that with that **_magic_** eye of yours? It’s ridiculous. You are just a monster, Lavi. You just take whatever you want and don’t care who gets destroyed in the middle. You knew this would happen and still went along with it. Just like with Alma…-

 

One was the job of his trachea. Regardless, this seemed to be too much for it, as saliva took the wrong turn into suffocating him with what was supposed to go to the other way.

He coughed as he sat in the mattress.

Allen was still asleep, the black leather collar still around his now tainted neck. His breathing was a rhythmical buzz, his hand touching his.

There wasn’t anybody else in the room but Timcanpy; who slept placid at the corner of the bed. Bathing in the afternoon sun that entered like a secret among the curtains. Stretching as the redhead observed him.

 - This dream…dream is a killer. – He muttered, coughing again in the middle of the sentence. –

He sighed, his body reminding him through a pulsating ache in every muscle that he wasn’t build for such improvised parties anymore. A faint dizziness that vibrated from his soul. His twenty-six years passing a bill he refused to pay.

\- Man…I hate dreaming. –

He rubbed his eyes; his free hand being touched again by Allen’s. Lavi observed him. His mouth barely open as he slept. He caressed his cheek and Allen smiled at the touch, still in his dreams.

\- Lavi…- He called him, making him smile as well.

\- What am I going to do with you, love? –

Reluctantly, he forced himself to stop looking at the most beautiful face on earth, finally getting up and walking to the bathroom.

As he stepped inside the shower the nightmare started to fade, washed away by the water. Extinguishing his trace from his gloomiest fears.

The liquid ran cold at first, the sensation burning in his skin to slowly transform into a warm apology. His sore body beginning to relax against the heat, a clean and fresh sensation of the peppermint soap he used.

Now, he breathed deeply, a tranquility of existence he forgot it was possible to achieve. The reverie forgotten within the things he chose to abandon in the dark; the thought of dealing with them delayed into a non-existent forever.

A placebo and a narcotic on the idea; getting dress with a renewed spirit that for many years longed for a single ray of sunshine.

Everything was in silence when he walked bare foot to the kitchen.

He was wearing black jeans and a white t shirt that has a loose neck, small holes in in for the sake of fashion. His hair was combed sideways; and even when he doubted, he wore his eyepatch were his hair fell heavier.

Small and simple accessories in black and silver, made from silicone.

The soft murmur of the coffee maker pouring in the place while he turned it on was the only noise in the flat. He waited patiently; a content smile plastered on his face. Last night wasn’t as clear as he would want, but as the minutes started passing in this new day of his, the were blurs slowly merging into details. Wasn’t that a magical night?

_“Yes, thank you, very much.”_

The redhead took the mug as the small red light announced the end of his labor, walking back to Allen’s room. A melody stuck in his head, making him feel as if everything was a paradise of clouds and he a blessed mortal among the Olympians gods.

No more fog to hide traps with his qualms embroiled on them.  

Just clouds.

However, Lavi wasn’t too keen to positivity. He would always act like he did; yet, no matter how hard he tried, applying that same positivity that he offered to his friends into his life was nearly an impossible task.

 _“Practicing what you preach was always your greatest fault. Easy_ _to say, but it’s always way easier to sin.”_

Every time he tried to be happy, to feel fulfilled, to feel lucky…it was a time that life would punch him in the face with a reality check that smacked so hard, it would knock him out. That is why, even when he realized he loved Allen; he was so against believing his feelings would be reciprocated.

It simply wasn’t worth the risk of such a damage intake.

But that day, as he walked to the room they shared the night before, he allowed his heart a small window of hope.

A tiny bit of faith.

Maybe he was worthy of an hour of happiness. Of a day to be who he was.

_“Maybe…”_

Inside that chamber, Allen woke up with the sensation of a desert inside his throat, the sand burning all the way up to his nose. Making breathing a painful experience he was willing to leave aside.

He sat, his knees bent and the sweater hanging loose from one of his marked shoulders.

_“Fuck…”_

He stared at the nothing, trying to swallow the dryness.

Blinking was work, and as his eyelids fell over his eyeballs, he regretted everything he did before to be alive at that point in time.

_“Do you realize what have you done?”_

\- Fuck. – He croaked; this time out loud. Trying to comb his hair with one hand; his body screaming for the exercise from yesterday.

A creak on the floor alerting him there was someone at the door frame; already too tired to even turn his head and see who it was.

There was a knot in his stomach, replacing the tissue inside his with more fabric to twist to his demands. A blend between feeling like floating and felling from the last invisible step from a stair. The music still palpitated inside his head, throbbing with strange undertones that made it feel like a distant hazard.

Allen recalled Lavi saying he loved him not once but three times. He remembered how his mouth moved when he said it; and how not just his green eye but the other shined as the words were said.  How the gold was like a metallic sea with a single, blessed plant in it. A nenuphar in the Egyptian sands. A green planet swimming lost, fusing with a waving nebula.

He remembered how beautiful it was to be consecrated with the sight of Lavi’s face; how he never felt so special before. How much he adored that he trusted him. That he let him see him, taste him…have him.

That he loved him.

\- I seriously fucked this up. –

A sentence that was more like a groan to the redhead, who smiled as he drank from a red mug that he was carrying, pleased to see him awake.

\- Hello, pretty. – The tone a cheerful one.

Allen finally allowed himself to turn and see him, his neck screaming in a restrain that he forgot. He watched; and as the other pulled the cup from his lips he observed a dark mark on his neck that seemed too familiar to ignore. How he supported himself as he rode him still imprinted on his mind.

The sight a shame that he would usually receive with an accompanying blush, but instead, a sensation of desolation that came along with the disappointment in no one but himself. He bit his lower lip harshly, again turning with his eyes fixated to the wall.

\- It’s something wrong, Allen? – Lavi gave another two steps towards him and as he got close Allen’s face transformed into a mask that even when he hated it, he couldn’t help himself in pulling it up.  It was graceful and polite smile that executed in all the right places, his eyes almost closed, his body language a simple and humble shrug.

One that warned Lavi exactly of what he wanted to avoid. That everything that came out of that mouth…would be a lie.

\- Not at all! I think I just need a bath. I’ll be back soon. –

He got up before he could touch him and practically ran into the bathroom, the door closing behind him, leaving a very confused redhead that started to think that maybe…he wasn’t meant to be _that_ happy.

 

\- Whyyyyyyyy? – Allen asked himself, looking at the sink as he blinked rapidly, feeling like salt crystals were behind his eyes; absorbing all the tears that were supposed to come out. – Why did I do that? And to Lavi of all persons!... Why did I…? –

Finally, he faced his reflection. The leather collar there, a salute to his transgression and the worst part of himself that, for at least five minutes, he forgot he let out.

\- Really?! – He asked to the mirror, touching the accessory. – Oh, please! – He unfastened the thing, putting it over the counter. A silent moment as he listened to the water run, feeling the tub. – **_What the fuck,_** Allen…?! – Sentence tight as it exited his teeth.

_“You surely make some terrible choices when you are drunk.”_

\- You think?! – Getting near the glass, he could observe the red spots that decorated his left side as well as the biting mark on his shoulder. He got rid of his sweater, dropping it to the floor.

\- What is…? – Thin red lines were running over his tights and as he gave another incredulous look at his reflection, he spotted some other scratches at his arms. – Oh Lavi….! – He complained.

_“You weren’t precisely against it last night…”_

_-_ Don’t you start! Fuck! – After a few minutes of self-pity soaked in frustration he turned off the tap, getting lost at gazing upon the water. – What am I going to do now? –

His voice a strangled and tired whisper.

 “ _How about you have **two** boyfriends?”_

Allen didn’t answer to the sarcastic voice inside his head. Instead, he let himself into the purple water, lavender essence feeling the room; a drop that cut through the silence as a repetitive chanting.

“ _Mea culpa.”_

He thought about Yuu and how he wasn’t sure about anything. He thought about how they started dating and how everything deteriorated. Like a wallpaper infected with humidity; slowly peeling off from the walls of his heart.

But…was that enough to forget him? Was that enough reason to be sure he didn’t love him anymore?

Yes, Kanda had his issues but so did he.

_“Regardless, you never been yourself as you are with Lavi. Are you going to keep lying to yourself or are you finally going to face that it was not just lust?”_

Allen held his breath as he submerged in his bath. Few silent seconds suspended in lilac, perfume and oblivion.

When he emerged, he changed his mind to Lavi.

He was kind and handsome. Funny and tender, Lavi was just the perfect quantity of everything he ever wanted. But he abandoned his right to even be able to tell him he liked him the moment he knew he was Kanda’s best friend.

\- I’m such an asshole… - He muttered to himself.

\- That’s a little hard on yourself, don’t you think? –

Allen closed his eyes, knowing full well who was beside the tub. All the colors turning to gray.

\- Nah, it’s the truth. – The water made a clear waving noise as its density moved with him while he sighed.

\- I’m sorry. The door was open, and I was a little worried. – Lavi apologetic smile was seen by him even without opening his eyes. His hand putting a lock of his wet hair back, so he could see his face.

\- It’s ok. – Their voices were a neglected secret. Too far into it to care for someone else to listen, but still hushed enough to be a murmur. – I’m sorry you had to see me like that last night. –

Lavi didn’t answer. Instead he moved from his crouching position to seat on the floor, his arm on the border of the tub. A heavy sigh of his own as he did, his heart a cage with wild birds demanding to be freed or to die.

He didn’t know what to answer to Allen’s confession, too afraid to say something unappropriated or too dismissive about it.

\- I am usually not like that at all…I don’t know what happened. – It was a categoric excuse and the redhead decided to turn to the door and not face him as he listened; feeling like someone just bumped his car and that was the lame ass apology for not knowing how to parallel park. He hated every word, but understood it came for someone who just cheated on his significant other with who was supposed to be his caretaker and best friend of his partner.

\- Don’t worry. – He listened himself speak. A light undertone that sounded asphyxiated by his misery. – We can even act as it never happened if you want. –

Lavi heard the water move again and closed his eye in fear of his own sentiment. Allen didn’t reply right away, hanging his head back, trying to breath among the steam that suddenly seemed to be suffocating.

\- I mean…- He continued. – It doesn’t have to mean anything. We were drunk, we made some choices that may be regrettable… -He shrugged, his own words like a choker made of thorns; with every new a tighter hold on his neck. – We…we can forget it…nobody has to know. –

Interrupted with a swallowing mess of unexpressed tears and quiet.

\- I didn’t say that. – Allen murmured after a while. – I…just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. –

He sounded like a scolded child and Lavi was hurt with each term as if they were arrows straight through his heart.

_“You have to decide.”_

Allen’s mind tormented him.

_“You have to confront what you’ve done.”_

\- I have so many thoughts and…I’m so sorry…I..-

\- We don’t have to talk about it, Allen. – His reply was hush and rushed, and the silver haired felt nothing but pain and fear. His name lost from his former enchantment and now revisited as a terrible curse. What if he hated him? He couldn’t handle that right then.

Knowing that Lavi hated him was ten thousand times worse than knowing he loved him. Because with the later at least he could do something.

\- How about we go to get something to eat and then…I don’t know…then we find a place to be. Where we don’t have to talk or think about what we’ve done, and we can only…be who we are? –

Allen felt his heart hanged by a threat of yarn. Suspended over the emptiness inside him. Alone in the terrible dark of the uncertainty.

He pulled out of the water a little and was about to hug Lavi when he froze.

_“You don’t deserve that, buddy.”_

\- I…I think that would be nice. –

\- Perfect. I’ll see you in a bit lov…Allen. –

It hurt more than he could imagine. Allen wasn’t never that fond to his name but right then it hurt him like an exorcise to a demon. Listening to Lavi cut halfway through the most affectionate way he called him, cut him deeply a wound that threatened to never heal. He held his wrist against his chest and saw him stand up, without turning to face him, leaving in a noiseless reverberation in his bones.

 

Lavi sat in the living room staring at a book that said nothing to him. His eyes didn’t dance among the letters but were fixated into a word that lost it sense the second time he tried to read it.

He tried to stop thinking about what Allen said. But the more seconds past the more he felt like he committed an unforgivable mistake by letting his feelings guide him. The look on Allen’s face all afflicted and worried…all soaked in regret…gnawed his soul with despair.

_“What have you done?”_

Time passed and a gentle push over his book was the needle that busted his bubble. The ticking of the clock back to his usual song.

\- Sorry…I’m ready to go if you want…- His smile was another fake one. The realization meandering inside him just below his collarbones, under the skin.

Allen was wearing a black turtleneck sweater. It was quite loose, but it accomplished what Lavi supposed was his goal; hiding the hickeys from curious eyes. A pair of khaki jeans and what seemed to be an incredibly extra-large white hoodie, that extended like a coat until his knees. Matching Nike air force sneakers without a single drop of color.

\- I’m always ready, baby. – The redhead grabbed his green parka, the brown fluff around the hood tickling his neck as he put it on. He walked to the door having to restrain himself for reaching for Allen’s hand and wondered…if that was what it was going to be his life around him from then.

 

They reached the parking floor of the building quickly and Allen wondered why they were there at all. Without a word, Lavi reached for a black cabinet were other tenants kept their keys, choosing one with a trident engraved. Looking more like a digital remote than a regular key.

He had his bag on his shoulder and Allen feared that that was a trip in which he would be back alone.

Trying to keep his mind off this particular topic, he watched him do, trying to wrap his mind around Lavi owning a car. The redhead clicked on the key, a quick intermittent of yellow lights that alerted him were it was.

\- You have a car? – Allen finally asked, still behind him.

\- Yes, how did you think I came here? –

\- I don’t know…I thought you took the bus or the Tube. – Lavi turned to him with a shadow of the smiles he used to offer to him, making his heart skip a bit.

\- Please, that would take years. –

He opened the door to the most superb car Allen ever saw. His lines curves that weren’t for the faint of heart, fading into almost invisible corners. A painting of a landscape his mere shape. Like valleys and eroded mountains; or a rumor of northern air that traveled among the world in an untamed howl. His silver paint a mirror in his perfect and unpolluted surface. He recognized it as he got near, the flashback of a photo that his stepfather had on a calendar time ago.

A Maserati Ghibli.

\- Are you coming? – Allen jumped, startled, quickly getting inside the car; thanking for Lavi closing the door instead of him, too afraid to be too harsh at smacking a 65,000 piece of a car he couldn’t even imagine owning.

\- Yes! Sorry! – He sat on the perfectly adapted seats that appeared to hug you; curving at every part of your body like an extension of yourself. The inside smelling like leather and Lavi’s perfume. – It’s so pretty… -

\- I wanted it in red but my old man said it was “ _Too much”_. – He started the engine. A purring sound that vibrated on the concrete, but never inside the machine. Every light inside in a red neon that made Allen feel in a private booth.

Lavi moved the wheel and the gear lever, his hand a temptation that called for Allen, who had to restraint himself as they speeded up to their destination. The music feeling the white silence.

 

The car stopped near the river, few steps away from a slope that hid what Allen thought was a house.

\- What do you want for breakfast, then? –

\- Isn’t it late for that? It’s around five…- Lavi smiled at him again, his hands deep inside his parka pockets.

\- Not where we are going. –

He moved his head, asking him to follow. Allen obeyed and soon enough they were in front of a blue door that sounded with a sweet bell the moment it was opened.

\- Welcome to Timeless Clock! How can I…Lavi! – Allen peaked behind the redhead as a thin, brunette woman jogged to hug him, a clean rag and a strong but warm smell of coffee with her.

\- Hi Miranda. I’ve missed you too. – He patted her in the back. The woman had a troubling look, the smallest thought, but his eyes were infused with the love and the patience of a saint in a baroque painting.

_The virgin of the Annunciation, from Dolci._

Allen thought abstractedly. His profession rooted in him.

\- What can I do for you? The usual? Your table is free if you like, we can chat after I… -

\- Thank you, but actually…I brought someone today. – Politely interrupting was surely a gift.

\- Oh? – Lavi moved and the woman stared at Allen as if he was a specter. He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but she only blinked nervously as her hands moved drying them over and over with the rag.

\- This is Allen. – As he heard his name, he offered his hand politely, thinking Miranda wouldn’t take it. – Allen, this is Miranda. She is a friend of mine. She owns this tearoom and the best pancakes in all this country. –

Miranda, against what Allen assumed, took his hand immediately with both of hers. Her skin rough and cold, with her shake a little weak but with a kindness of the mother that Allen never knew.

\- Lavi you are too kind! – She smiled at him; time stopping in her tired features to transform her into a lovely maiden. – It’s very nice to meet you. Lavi never brings someone here. My husband and I started to think we were a secret to his friends. –

Allen looked over to Lavi, who rolled his eyes affectionally.

\- Don’t tell him we are here. I bet I’ll die before Marie stops teasing me about him. –

The brunette laughed guiding them to what seemed to be Lavi’s favorite table. A two chaired piece that was against a window, where the water was a line that parted the sky, the boats resting on it. A short bush that remained green against the elements; contrasting with the small houses with white walls and orange roofs. A painting waiting to happen.

The redhead asked for their pancakes and as she left the atmosphere was once again got charged with the cautious movements of two lovers who didn’t know how to proceed after they knew each other bodies. Sharing the same air.

\- So…You never brought anyone before? –

\- No. – The spoon making soft circles that sometimes tingled against the porcelain. Lavi contemplated his drink and prayed that Miranda kept his request, the fact that Marie was a friend of Kanda making him as nervous as a murder suspect.

\- Why’s that? –

He dropped the spoon, both hands on the rustic table that was painted in a cracked white. Like the rest of the place. The only spots of color the wooden beams in the ceiling and the inked floor like a big splatter of diluted coffee.

\- Because I come here to think. To be alone. Its my place and…I never wanted to share that with just anybody. – He locked eyes with Allen. His gorgeous gray ones like snow clouds, a clear color that reflected the sky outside the window.

\- And what about me? –

Lavi couldn’t understand why he was asking, but as he prepared to sip on his coffee he kept the eye contact, trying to be sure that this time, his words were not only listened, but understood.

\- What I said yesterday it’s true Allen. I love you. And I mean it. – He sipped on his drink; the other squirming on his seat. – We don’t have to talk about it, but I want you to know I’m being honest. I’m not asking for you to answer me, I just want to put the cards on the table…you know? –

The pancakes were served, and Allen thanked whatever was up there for that, as Lavi started eating without saying anything else.

 _“I love you too…”_ Unspoken.

The minutes passed, a silent breakfast with emotions hanging over like mistletoe. Waiting for them to recognize them.  
Before they left, Lavi took a moment to disappear into the restroom, the silver haired waiting for him at the door, patiently.

\- You must be very important to him. – A quiet and paused voiced said behind him. He turned, the woman in the black dress there, a timid smile with a special light to it. –

\- You think? – Allen smiled back, trying to keep his feelings at bay.

\- The way he looks at you. And…I don’t mean to chime but…he really never brought anybody here before. Not even his grandfather… and we know him as well. He always comes alone and leaves that way. Sometimes he chats with me or Marie, but… with you… I don’t know. He smiles at you differently. –

Swallowing was never that difficult to him.

\- I guess he does. –

\- He loves you. – A rumbling voice said, his steps impossible to hear. – But that you already knew. –

Marie was an enormous man for Allen, who felt like child against him; the step he gave back now making him crash against him.

\- I don’t know about that. – He whispered, a tired smile on the other man dark lips-

\- Your voice is waving. – He stated; his eyes clouded with a fog that called out his blindness. – And your heart as well. – He paused, listening. –I don’t know you, but I can hear it. – Allen pushed his back against the wall, both of his hands against his chest in tight fists. Feeling cornered by a truth he didn’t want to acknowledge. – And I know Lavi. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you this: That kid never lies when it’s about his feelings. So, whatever you do… please consider his heart. It’s being a long time since he used it. –

Allen closed his eyes, everything in him being crushed like a discarded paper.

“ _What should I do?”_

\- Ready to go, sweetheart? –

The tears were accumulating on the corner of his eyes as he nodded. An almost unnoticeable thanks, getting beside the taller to leave. Letting the redhead say goodbye, he waved as he walked, following him to the car. The pet name burning through his doubts.

_“A word and he has you around his little finger. Oh, you really love him, don’t you, crybaby?”_

\- Where are we going now? – Allen asked, fighting against his thoughts. Lavi’s mind thousands of kilometers away.

\- A place you are going to love. –

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoyed last chapter. I don't have much to tell you but I do have a lot of references I'll be dropping on my twitter, if you wondered how their outfits or some places really looked.  
> Also, do I like cars? Yes. I love them.  
> Anyway, always glad to read your opinions not only on the chapter but also on the story! I'll be answering some questions on my twitter as well soon. If you want to let me know anything but don't feel safe commenting here, I finally figured out how my DM's work over there. @noctomata
> 
> Thank you as always, precious readers for passing by and enjoying this story with me! I'm forever grateful everytime you give me a kudos, comment or even sharing it with your friends! Sometimes you are what make me keep going and I appriciate that 3000. 
> 
> Hope you like how this is going! And if you are here for the drama don't worry...it's very close to our boys.


	11. Pacify Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret place that's a feast for the right eyes; thousands of pieces of arts but only one that held each other hearts.  
> Was Miranda and Marie right on what they say? Allen has everything made a mess and if he could only found one day more to think everything would be great.
> 
> Lavi can't say no to those eyes and silence its accomplice of his secrets. Nobody else that could know...right?
> 
> A Fairytale house, a lot of art and two hearts that play the same song.
> 
> [NSFW near the end!]

White light shined against the seal in the corner of the card. A rainbow emerging from the hologram; a single “ _beep”_ when the redhead passed it in front of the laser lector. The car rode the curve to enter the parking lot like a surfer a wave; the movement barely noticeable. They parked in a subterranean floor that Allen couldn’t identify; the cold in the shadows of the place making him want to cuddle against the taller, his mind a mess of guilt and shame that tangled with his wishes.

Walking out of the car, he didn’t notice when they took a lift, following Lavi like a lost duckling, too busy trying to figure out where on earth they were. It wasn’t until the steel doors opened when he recognized the place. The sound of the arriving floor resonating in his mind as the cartoon idea of understanding.

Walls white with a marble finish, golden strips that guided into the exhibits as well as the unique smell of what’s been stored within the dark and the precaution of centuries.

It was the Black Order Museum.

The elegance of the place only overcame by the exclusivity of the pieces it handled.

A dream place to work for someone like him.

\- You…!- His voice came out louder than he meant, the echo in the halls present. - You have a staff pass?! –  He whispered harshly. A mix of excitement and disbelief. A child in Christmas morning.

\- Yeah, I sometimes do work for them. Boring stuff. Not a big deal. – An unimportant shrug.

Lavi couldn’t help himself but smile honestly. How that little nothing was making Allen so excited, made his tiny world keep rotating. Made him breathe again.  

\- **_Not_** a big deal?! They…they have an **_original Alexandre Cabanel painting_**! – He motioned to the piece of art, the redhead savoring every second of the sight.

\- Good eye, nerd. But _they_ have an Alexandre Cabanel **_exhibit_.** Not just a painting. – He corrected, smiling. Allen’s eyes wide as his mouth tried to articulate his ecstasy.

\- Nooo! – Was what came out of his mouth, his smile threatening to part his cheeks. Small jumps in his place like a parrot among a fruit bowl. – I’ve **never** been in here before! It was too far of my place! -

\- Go see it, Snowflake, no one it’s stopping you. – He gave him a pat on his shoulder. The only incentive the silver haired needed to launch himself to get as near as possible to the canvas.

Lavi saw him go, slow steps behind him. He thought again in what was around his mind since he heard Allen apologize. Was that a life he was willing to live? Acting like nothing happened and he didn’t love Allen and Allen didn’t love him in return at least for a few hours? Like he didn’t taste his lips or his skin? Like he didn’t mark him or let him do with him as he pleased? Like his smell or his voice wasn’t branded on his skull, impossible to get rid of?

_“Yes. As long as I can be beside him. As long I can keep seeing his face lit up like this. As long as I can make him happy. A million time yes, because loving you is far beyond my control. And being apart would only destroy me more than being beside you even if you don’t love me back.”_

Allen rushed to a painting, his eyes running from a corner to another, trying to absorb every brush, every color, every drawing of the light. As if he could somehow become one with the artist. His story right there for him to know. Never realizing that, for Lavi, he was the only thing in that whole museum worth admiring.

One perfect piece of art.

After he caught up with the smaller, they remained silent observing the exhibit. One after the other, with Allen trying to get everything he could of observing real pieces without touching them, while Lavi got lost in his own thoughts, sometimes finding striking resembling to the love of his life in those frames.

_“Coincidence or fate?”_

_The evening Angel_ was the portrait he spent most time on, his eyes tracing the profile as he remembered Allen against a window. The similitude like a reincarnation myth that appealed to him like a love legend.

 _“You brought him here knowing what it would do.”_ The voice of his former friend accused him inside his brain. “ _You knew that this would only increase his doubts. Didn’t anyone told you to mind your own business instead of acting like the son of Judas and a thief?”_

A silent answer as his sight kept glued to the canvas. His brave façade to the Kanda that lived in his consciousness, far more insignificant that the one in the world of tangible things.

_“Someone told me “Stay away from things that aren’t yours”…But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?”_

Would he have that courage to say that in his face, when the moment arrived?

_“What a big mouth you run.”_

On his left, the source of his thoughts and dilemmas was (not for the first time) staring at him, the painting already overlooked. Sure, he did want to seize the time when he had such an opportunity to be so close to Alexandre work but…right then…being so close to Lavi and yet feeling so far, was making him feel like he was lost in the middle of the ocean.

He saw his free hand, hanging against his side; the other in a loose fist over his lips. He only needed to touch it once. To feel it. To hold him.

“ _Really normal to want to be his other hand so he would be kissing you…”_

Just once and they could be back to the act of being only good friends.

Once, and he could stop being adrift without him.

Once…

\- Allen! What a nice coincidence! I was just about to call you about the exhibit. Thought you would appreciate it. Even that whenever I call you, you either blow me off or not even reply…–

Suddenly a frozen chill that pulled from his neck attacked; his hand so close to grab Lavi’s finger. He turned his face to see the owner of that cheering voice that stood between him and his goal. The negative on his mind on doing it, his body betraying his better instinct, regardless.

A blond man was standing right behind him, an intelligent pair of dark gray eyes that drove from his face to his hand and back again, accusingly. He had a tight ponytail that made a line by his back. He was wearing a perfectly white uniform, not a single wrinkle in the fabric. His Chinese features a dissonant against his European palette.

\- B…Bak…Hi. – The smile that crossed his face was enough to make him blush. The mischief highlighted like an orange signal for danger; bad omen plastered on it.

\- Oh sorry. Is this a date? – Bak held a clip board on his right, tight to his chest, and with a pen in his left he circled in the air, his point being made about both. Allen wanted to push him away; Bak was his friend, but he knew perfectly well he was still dating Kanda. And since they couldn’t get along, he knew what he was doing right then was nothing but a naughty teasing that let his feelings clear about it.

Bak didn’t like Kanda as his boyfriend as much as Yuu didn’t like him as his friend.

Lavi turned when he listened the distressed tone in Allen’s voice, observing the silent exchange between them, a staring contest on its final showdown. He decided to intervene as the silver haired shifted in his place, cornered by what was for him just a simple question.

\- Maybe. – He said, reaching to touch Allen’s hand, locking his pinky with his. Assuring him with a simple gesture that if he wanted him, he would be behind him to support him. Respecting his space.

\- Maybe? – Bak asked back, addressing him in a confused tone that swept him off his feet, vulnerable to what Lavi did best. Trash talking.

\- Yeah. Why? Do you want to ask me out? – Lavi smiled. A terrible lopsided grin that had all the troubles in the world but also, all the wrong decisions to heaven. He got closer to the blonde’s face, making him flinch backwards. – You don’t have to be shy man; I don’t _always_ bite. But I must say, I have a thing for silver hair and no offense, but this tone of blond takes you points down on my list. –

He touched his hair, Bak blushed to the ears. The man pulled out of his touch, trying to brush his hair franticly.

\- What?! No! – Tears began to fall as the flustered blonde agitated the board on his hand. Break outs on his pale skin that appeared like magic. – I…I’ll see you later Allen, I have to go! –

In a second Bak disappeared, quickly walking through the hallways, his shoes clicking with every step, his hand trying to cover his face.

\- Is he ok? –  Lavi bent down enough to speak this on his ear. Allen turned to hide his face on his shoulder. A smile with the heat of embarrassment still on it. –

\- Yeah, he just cries about anything. You scared him. –

They were holding hands, his fingers intertwined. A missing touch that felt it took forever to arrive. Allen adored the sensation of the silver rings touching his skin and how his hand fitted with his.

\- And you? – Lavi wanted to touch his face, the proximity making his heart race, making him afraid for the other to listen to it. The faint smell of an almost invisible fragrance that he remembered more than his own address.

_“Touch him? More like kiss him until you pass out.”_

\- Yes. – Allen balanced a little from side to side, his voice a childish mumble that vibrated on his neck. – Is this a date? –

Lavi finally dared to touch his cheek, his face sided enough so they could see each other to the eyes. The redhead smiled, sweetly, captivated. His soul hung on that gorgeous and lovely smirk. His heart tied to that query, that he wanted more than anything to be true.

\- This is whatever you want it to be, Allen. There’s no rush. – He traced the line of his silky and round face.- You don’t have to choose right now. –

Allen thought as he listened to the tallest talk with that patient and devoted voice, in how Yuu was away for another week. He thought in how he would still stay with Lavi if he wanted and how that made him feel alive. He nodded, squeezing his hand; refusing to let go the parka with his other, feeling close to his chest. The memory of lying over him after their second round before sleeping there.

So close, he thought, that they could share a kiss. The idea crossing the other head, the silence of the room an accomplice of their hearts reaching to each other.

Until a voice crushed the place with its iron-fisted inflexion.

\- That boy thinks in nothing but himself. - The rusty and grumpy voice said. - I don’t know why we still have him on the board. –

\- Come on, sir. – A tired, younger and afflicted woman retorted. - He is your grandson…and he do know how to do his job. –

\- And? There are another fifty people that know how to do it, too! It’s not like he is the last historian in the world! –

Lavi was scared of horror movies. Of his premonitions. Of fate. Of probably Yuu and his probably horrible reaction to know what he was doing. But what Lavi was scared most was his grandfather.

Specifically speaking, his _very upset_ grandfather.

And as he listened and put a face to that voice, his mouth was inundated with an acidic flavor that came from a further place of his now anxious stomach.

He tugged Allen’s wrist and with the speed of an Olympic champion, shoved him and himself into a tight and dark corridor, away from every prying look. His heart now running like a knocked bell of a broken game of _test your strength!_ Up and down it went, playing drums on his ears making hard to listen to anything.

The voices got closer and the panic in his face was so obvious that Allen stared at him with the fear of a fat rabbit that just heard a rumble in a bush while it was drinking in an open pond.

\- Wh-what is it?-

\- Shhh! Don’t! –

He was flushed against his chest, the corridor designed for only one person to fit. He covered Allen’s mouth with his hand, listening to the steps nearby.

\- I’m just saying he could be more responsible. – The old man walked so close to the hall that the redhead could spot the back of his almost bald head.

\- Maybe he is busy with his teaching job. Or with a student? – He almost felt bad for his new assistant, a girl with twin braids that was worryingly and _obviously_ trying to makeup excuses on his behalf.

\- Oh, I bet he is. –

If he turned his face another degree, he would be able to spot him, a tremor in his now cold hands.

He waited like that, immobile with Allen for three whole minutes, the silver haired following his look to the source, without much more understanding of the situation.

Allen could see a small old man talking with a girl, his conversation senseless.

Three agonizing minutes in which Lavi prayed for his grandfather to go away; every moment that passed feeling more identified with the guy with the hat in that dinosaur movie that asked them all not to move, so they wouldn’t be seen. Finally, they started walking again, and as the conversation moved and the steps disappeared, he let his partner go, with a relief sigh that pumped his lungs to keep functioning.

\- What was that for?! – Allen murmured, clinging to the redhead coat.

\- I’m sorry! It was my grandfather! – The apology painted with the anxiety of a teenager that skipped classes. - Remember when I said I do some work for them here or there? –

\- Yeah? –

\- Well, it’s because my grandfather donates some bucks and art pieces to the organization now and then and well…. that was him and…- Lavi started gesticulating in that small space in a nervous way that was contagious to Allen, susceptible to secondhand emotions.

\- What do you mean “some bucks”? -

\- I don’t know Allen, half a million pounds? – His exasperated sighs corroborated by his furrowed eyebrow.- Who knows, I don’t care… the point is…-

\- Whaaat?! – Half a million was more cash than he could imagine in real, physical money; the idea of someone owning that kind of riches and thinking of them as “unimportant” unbelievable.

\- God, focus! – He grabbed the shortest cheeks, distressed. - The point is that if he sees me here, with you, he is **going-to-flip.** -He was too close, a comedic zoom as he explained himself. - I will never endure the sentence he is going to put me through! He is going to be all: _“Ugh, brat I told you to come to work and you are what? Playing house?! You can mop your drool, you lovesick bastard, and get moving because I didn’t bought that car for you to drive undergraduates across the city like Aladdin in his magic carpet_ …” Why are you laughing?! –

If the bad imitation of Lavi’s grandpa wasn’t enough, his face and gestures did the trick. Allen was finally laughing; all his stress leaving through a muted laugh that shook his whole body as he tried to keep it down.

\- It’s not funny! –

\- I’m sorry! – He kept silently laughing. Lavi exhaling and letting himself go as he smiled as well, defeated.

\- It’s not! –

\- Yeah, I know…-His words interrupted by his outburst. - It’s just that you…- The redhead started laughing now, unable to keep his upset façade.

They laughed until their sides hurt. Their ribs like two guitars in the middle of a serenade, their eyes tearing with the joy they missed by an unspoken agreement into the grief of the guilt.

It was just a moment stolen in time for them, in a clandestine passage. A place for them to be who they were…with no one else to judge or see…or know.

Face to face, they were close with no space to pull back, and as Lavi’s arm was beside Allen’s head, pinning him gently against the wall to support his weight, the youngest decided that he could decide a week later.

He could forget.

A kiss that he pursued as he stood on his tiptoes, his hands grabbing on Lavi’s shirt. He closed his eyes, letting himself fall with the confidence that the other would catch him.

Lavi grabbed him by the waist, getting him as close as it was humanly possible. He closed his eyes tight, thanking for the chance of kissing him again. Wishing to never let go. His lips had the unmistakable taste of blood, but he didn’t mind, after all, it was his own fault that Allen had chapped lips that day.

The kiss was broken too early, and Lavi felt like he was being abandoned in the middle of the space floating in abandonment; he tried to kiss him again, only to be stopped by his hands on his face.

\- Let me see your face, Lavi. – He whispered, his fingers touching the strings of the patch. – I can’t get it out of my mind, this is like…seeing just part of you. It feels…incomplete. Please…Just one more time, let me see you. –

\- I don’t think it is a good idea. – He whispered back, so close he could feel Allen blink, tenderly stopping him. – I don’t do well with other people and my eye… -

He then realized he didn’t tell Allen the reason why he wore the thing.

\- Your eye…? – The other traced, trying to understand.

He didn’t know.

\- I’ll… tell you another time, ok baby? – He put his hand over Allen’s who let him do. He pulled it away, kissing it lovingly with an apology that was enough for the other to understand without further explanations. For now. – If it’s ok with you, I think we should go, my Love. –

The last to words creating an earthquake on his core.

How terribly honest they were! His heart on his sleeve, his soul naked to his touch! All of him exposed to his will.

\- I don’t want to go home… - Allen mustered, afraid to be confined again in the predicament he was running away from.

\- We can stay at my house. At least until you want to leave. –

\- And if I don’t? –

\- Then we stay. –

 

The ride to Lavi’s place was uncomfortably silent in a way that made Allen restless. It wasn’t awkward, per se, and he had his hand over the redhead’s as he drove, satisfied his previous wish; but the desire of kissing him until the moon came out and hid again, was so strong, it made him wanted to ask him to pull over to have only one more kiss.

_“Or a whole make-out session.”_

After what it seemed a penitence for Allen, the other parked outside a very peculiar house, trees hiding it like a fairytale scene. Distracting for a moment from his needs.

In front of them, as they got down the car, was a huge cylindric shape in white; a single wooden door with crossing metal pieces for guard. Three steps were required to get inside, a tall spiral staircase in there, that seemed to never end; a mix of wood and dark metal, like the door.

Beside it, there was an overflowed bookshelf that had more books than a small library, the entrance clicking as Lavi closed it behind him. The walls were painted in a warm sand color and at the top a skylight like a flower made of glass triangles, letting the light disperse from the black chandelier that hung from the middle of it.

\- You live on a princess tower? – He asked, his eyes still on the ceiling.

\- So funny. But I’m sure you should know since you are a princess. –

Allen stuck out his tongue, mocking him. Climbing the stairs with the owner of the place behind his back.

As he reached the top another door was there, this one a single chestnut piece made by hand, the handle a dark crystal sphere. He opened it, inside a living room in white with burgundy seats and a small fireplace on the wall, framed by tiles with a beautiful and interacted pattern in gold and black. Nearby was a small window, its shape like a leaf in half, a tree outside that protected it from strangers. Every corner inundated by different sized books.

\- It’s…it’s so…wonderful. -

\- Thanks. – His keys clicking as he pushed them down his coat, only to take it off and hang it later at the door. – I’m sorry for the mess though, I recently got another bookcase and I was moving them when…well you know. – A pause that started to become awkward. - Do you…want me to take your coat or…? –

\- Please. – He turned to let him do, the touch gentle and his face close as he got near. Glad to keep away from that conversation. Lavi pulled the cloth, slowly separating it from Allen’s body, the atmosphere of something that shouldn’t happen again now in there.

Like coals getting scorched in the chimney.

“ _Adding more wood to the fire?”_

\- It’s this ok? – His voice was husky, and Allen felt his will to keep his clothes on dropping by every exhalation he made.

\- Mh-mh. – Agreement. Allen turned just a little, his eyes finding Lavi’s green one.

In a second, a quick twist and a kiss they were eager to continue; the coat falling silently.

He held onto him by the neck, his hunger back for his lips. Lavi hands steady on his waist, letting him do more than doing himself.

\- Allen…- He whispered in a pleading warning. Allen’s fingers slowly pulling from the eyepatch strings; asking with a look and unhurried movements. Lavi’s hands not leaving their place.

His eyes were sad as Allen observed the mismatched beauty on them.

\- Don’t let me go, please. – He told him, his palms over his cheeks, his forehead against the other. – I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be just his boyfriend and for you to be just his friend. I…-

\- Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Snowflake. – The redhead silence him.- You are going to break my heart. I can’t stand one more blown with those lovely eyes of yours. If you don’t mean it…Stop lying with those words. –

Allen looked for a sign in the gold and the green. Thinking truthfully as he contemplated his options. He could stop…but Yuu was far away and whatever choice he had to made could be delayed a little longer. Another day. Another kiss.

\- I want to be myself when I kiss you. – He continued. Touching his lips. – When I love you. And I’m sorry Lavi…I’m so sorry for doing this to you. –

\- Doing what? – Afraid to ask, he still pushed, his need to know his ground stronger than his self-preservation.

\- I mean… I seduced you…You are Yuu’s best friend and I…I took advantage that you were with me alone and drunk and made you betray him and…and I’m so sorry. – His voice stifled as the tears punched for his way out. Shifting the mood. – I don’t know what happens to me around you I just… -

Lavi held his wrist firmly, making him face him. A rush of fire on his veins.

\- Baby. I’m a grown ass dude. You didn’t make me do shit. You didn’t take advantage on me. Whatever I did I did it because I wanted. –

Allen blinked rapidly, trying to see between his tears. His brows furrowed as he tried to understand that someone, for the very first time in his life, wasn’t blaming him for what it happened. That someone was doing the opposite thing. As if such thing was the most normal to do.

To take the culpability.

\- But I…-

\- No. -He cut in.- You didn’t do anything. If I wouldn’t want that I would’ve say something. I was the one who flirted with you knowing that you were dating Yuu. If there is someone who blame that’s me. And more important…I also can’t control myself around you. You have something that drives me crazy and god knows I want to be with you until my last breath. –

\- Lavi…- They weren’t drunk, and they weren’t tired. Everything he was listening was just as it was supposed to be. And to Allen’s amazement it was just what he dreamed. Just how he honestly wanted everything to be.

\- Let me show you how much I love you, Light of my life. –

He pulled again for a kiss, his lips parted, taking him with tenderness and asset. His tongue asking for consent as it wandered; his hand traveling to caress his back under the clothes. Requesting a contact beyond their mouths.

One that wasn’t denied but welcomed.

 

The fireplace cracked near them, the cold arriving as the twilight fell demanding it to be lit.

Allen was bent over a daybed; his outfit on the floor as well as Lavi’s, who was holding him as he moved, patiently slow. His hands with a pressure over his skin that made him melt at his touch.

He arched as the redhead was completely inside him, an almost perfect position that required little effort to reach into his sweet spot.

The flames cracked, their heat making them forget about the snow outside.

\- Everything good? – Lavi whispered as he kissed his shoulder, Allen’s balance supported only by the redhead left over his chest. – We can stop whenever you want. –

\- Nh..Ah..I’m good. – He traced his hand over his exposed nipple, making him push against him in a movement that was beneficial for both. Lavi now semi-sat over the daybed. – Ah...! –

\- I’m…I’m going to move now, ok? – Allen nodded, letting himself be embraced by the toned arms of his now lover. He could listen and feel him breathe just above his neck; a trail of kisses as he moved in deeper. A sweet request for forgiveness that wasn’t needed but indeed appreciated.

Nothing but pleasure as the waves of his perfected movements filled him with expertise and fire. A mewl that bubbled out of him as he was pleasured with caring hands and an excellent aim to his goal.

\- I love you so much…- Lavi told him, right beside his ear, his heartbeat strong, pulsating over his skin; making Allen move a little faster as the words pushed in all the right places. His hands now over Lavi’s arm, supporting himself on him. A contrasting difference to the first time he rode him, letting himself being moved by the taller now.

Both moved at a unison, a compass that only they knew. Nothing else on their minds, no one else on their hearts.

_So, this is what making love it’s about…_

\- Say it ah…again. – He managed to ask as he hung his head back, supporting it on Lavi’s shoulder, his neck exposed to him without any more shame.

\- I…I love you. Mh…ah…ah…so…so much! –

Allen wasn’t one for talking in bed but listening Lavi saying that he loved him as they did that…was like being in heaven on earth. His words between the moans that he was earning, that he was provoking. Thinking that he was the receptacle of such an intense and sincere feeling just fuel for the passion that he felt for the redhead.

\- Snowflake… - He affectionately called for him; Allen grabbing his arm strongly as he felt himself close to the edge. Hating his idea of not fronting Lavi so they would last longer, as he already missed his face.

\- I..ah…I’m…I’m gonna-ah..- Allen held even tighter, his hands branding his skin. Lavi kissed all the marks he left the night before; moving tortuously slow. Trying just like Allen to last as long as they could; time their precious gift.

\- Just a little longer, my Love. – His words interrupted by his panting. His voice dark, infused with a nature that made everything in Allen go in a riot for some more contact. Claiming to see his face. Barely managing to twist to see him. His features and his smile the only image he needed to reach an orgasm that he would remember with nothing but clarity. The pressure as he contracted pulling it from the other.

_Just a little more with you._

 

\- It’s getting late. – Lavi said petting Allen’s hair who rested on his chest, the younger feeling like it was his rightful place to be. –

\- How do you know? You don’t even have your phone. – He played with his necklace, secretly taken the opportunity to trace his collarbones. Both were covered by a navy-blue blanket, so soft that Allen thought he wanted to transform in a pajama for himself. To sleep beside the man below him…or to not sleep at all.

\- Because it’s getting dark, kitten. And anyway, I left it at your flat. – Allen closed his eyes, unable to look at him as he called him by such a pet-name. The idea of never leaving and elope with the redhead, a fantasy that called south.

\- I think mine died after last night. – He said, trying to keep his mind on the conversation and not it the magnificent body of the sculptured Greek god under him. That was more than happy to hold him like that. - I probably spilled something over it. – He sighed, rolling enough to hug him. Thirsty once again to hear him say that he loved him, like no one did before.

\- We can stay here, and I can call him if that’s what worry you. I’ll make up some excuse until you decide what do you want to do. -The mention of the predicament enough for the silver haired to open his eyes. - If you want to be with me, if you want me to tell him…if…if you want to stay with him. –

Allen looked at him, sighing heavily. The flames lighting Lavi’s face like a painting of the summer dusk. His gesture a worrisome and adorable pout that he wanted to kiss the affliction away. The only thing that stopped him the knowledge that the kiss would lead to another round he wouldn’t be able to stand.

\- You talk too much; did I ever tell you that before? –

\- Only like a million times, yes. – A nervous smile that he kissed quickly and gently, the temptation defeated with speed.

\- Can you drive without your eyepatch or that’s also out of limits? – He traced with a finger where the piece of cloth would be, fascinated by the unique trait of the redhead. His eyes a wonder that he was unable to understand why he would ever decide to hide it.

\- I can. If I focus on the road and nothing else. – Lavi held his hand, kissing the back of it and then the palm. – Why? Does this handsome face have your attention, or do you have a kink for disgustingly striking men driving? –

\- You wish. Maybe I just like to feel like you can see the street for sure. -  He pushed his face playfully, giggling.

\- Come on, my Love. Let’s get going then. – He held his hand, the other in his waist as he rolled them over; the position like the lead of a tango. He pinned the shortest down, Allen’s eyes looking for something in his face that Lavi couldn’t help but wonder what it was.

“ _How can he say that, being on top of me with that absolutely stunning smile?”_

\- Yes. – Barely audible.

“ _A million times, Lavi.”_

A decision that was even harder to take.

 

They arrived when the sun was disappearing in the horizon. Both as tired and contempt as their hearts allowed them to be. Holding hands, talking about the simple things of life. Like they didn’t have the weight of their actions over their heads.

Happy steps around the apartment that had nothing but an allowance to start over, forgetting the main reason of their morning troubling.

Lavi had fresh clothes from his house, choosing a garment for the night after he left the bag in Allen’s bedroom. The pants of his pajama comfortable were now around his hips, loosely hugging the fruit of his routinely efforts for getting at least a visually delightful physique. His shirt oversized on Allen’s petite frame, the sleeves a little too long, but forming a treat to the view.

They reached the bed, cuddling in the middle without thinking in closing the door. But as the lights went out and they prepared to sleep, the redhead found himself twitchy, something on his mind that insisted on being attended. A single bee that flied in circles against a clear window. Uncapable to rest knowing it could be on the other side, without knowing what it was that restrained it to do so.

So close, yet so far.

\- Love…about my eye. – He let the sentence flow. Trying to connect sense to his sense of uncertainty. - Do you remember I told you I can’t take my eyepatch off with more people…? – A nervousness numbed, stumbling in the dark of the pressing matter of his confession.

-Yes… -His eyes were closing on their own, his head resting on his arm. Feeling more at home than ever.

\- About that…I have to tell you something. There is a reason I started using it…- Allen tried to pay attention, his spirit tied in happiness with the redhead.- Some years ago Yuu had… -

-Lavi? -He interrupted. The mere name of his actual boyfriend a poisoned dart on his emotions. - Can you tell me tomorrow? I…want to keep with this…Of you and me…at least a day more. Then…we will talk. I promise. - The taller complied, holding his partner against him. The idea pausing on that matter appealing, sharing the desire of spending at least that day like they were what they weren’t.

Only the two of them. Together.

Nothing that couldn’t wait until the next morning. After all…how much time could it be just another day? The secret wouldn’t go anywhere. And they were right where they wanted to be.

_“It can wait.”_

\- Of course, babe. Sleep tight, Snowflake. I love you. – A kiss on his temple.

\- Goodnight, disgustingly striking driver. –

A laugh that lull him to sleep. One satisfied embrace for those who were blissfully ignorant of what was to come.

 

Until three am. When a demon roamed free in the land of the living, chasing after the sinners that didn’t want to pay for what they did.

 

The door didn’t cry, and his steps didn’t sound as he arrived. The bag didn’t make a noise as he left it in the coach and even when the cat was also his, he didn’t go near him to welcome him to his own house.

But as he was at the foot of his bed, he wondered how much time more he would be able to be silent.

As his best friend was there, top naked with the only thing that belonged to him that he asked Lavi not to touch.

His boyfriend.

 

\- Well…isn’t this a lovely _picture-perfect_ situation? -  His voice waking him up as it cut into the dark. A curse hidden in the sarcasm that filled the room with a threat.

 

Yuu Kanda, was home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! Im glad to have you again over here.  
> I was planning to upload this on friday, but honestly I fell asleep basically all day.  
> However, here it is! I hope you like it.  
> The drama is approaching, yes it is! I enjoyed this chapter a lot, a lot of research was involved, but super fun to do. I still have to change the tags when I have the chance.
> 
> Remember I'm always happy to read your comments, see your kudos, know you shared my work. You all are super amazing and I'm grateful you gave this fic the opportunity and that you are still here, reading it! 
> 
> We enter in the later half of this story! Do you have any thoughts in what's to come? I'm a little nervous for the next chapter! 
> 
> Anyway, if you ever want to talk, I'm always on twitter, but i'll be trying to keep answering here as soon as possible.


	12. Crybaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment is finally here.  
> Kanda came come early and our boys are in deep trouble.  
> Will Lavi have the courage to say what he wants? What was that that he wanted to talk about before they fell asleep? 
> 
> And Allen? What will he do when everything collides? 
> 
> Decisions require strengh. The past is something you can never run away from.
> 
>  
> 
> [Violence&cursing ahead.]

Yuu Kanda didn’t enjoy traveling. In his opinion, it was a terrible waste of his time; and boy, did he like to exploit it when he had it.

For being raised as a Buddhist he didn’t do well with basic parts of the doctrine. Like being patient and serene or being in places where he had little to none personal space.

A plane flight of eleven hours plus connections was both of these things.

He thought he could have tolerated being in the stomach of the metal bird if it wasn’t for the stupid bitch at the airport, who not only didn’t speak well Japanese, but he could swear was making fun of his English.

It took him at least two and a half hours to buy the ticket, only to wait another three hours for the thing to arrive so he could leave. As if the day he wasted putting everything in order before bailing on his seminar wasn’t enough.

Kanda was already upset when he boarded, his nerves threatening to explode when he sat and the person beside him rested his head on his shoulder, like he was a free personal companion. A mask over their eyes and headphones; impossible to talk to.

 _“Absolutely fine, go and sleep here. I **insist.”**_ He thought, stiffening.

His leg didn’t stop bouncing the first seven hours, the flight attendance looking at him fretfully now and then. His impulse to scream at them tied down with a tongue bite of his unique brand.

The bad feeling started two days ago, at his usual night supervision of his boyfriend, way before he made **the call**. Allen didn’t answer again, and the stupid Rabbit told him, nonchalantly that he was once more, sleeping.

Some people would call him _over-dramatic_ , but he knew Allen as he knew the palm of his hand. He was sweet and distracted, perhaps always tired since he had his job and college…But he was also an anxious mess forever needing attention. Sleeping at the afternoon when he could be studying, two times in the same week, could only mean one of two things: either he was sick…or Lavi was lying to him.

And just like he knew Allen he also knew the redhead.

Lies were easy to him since they were in high school; and with time, he only got better at it. After the accident it was hard, even to him, to notice when he lied sometimes. It just blended with his personality like a fine morning gradient.

Paranoid maybe, but he didn’t like the odds about a flirty and beautiful boyfriend with a liar and charming best friend. Not that he had any other option to leave him with, every other friend he had were decent, busy people.

Perchance Lavi was being honest, and Allen was sleeping. Or perchance he was being a wingman and covering his escapees with some other guy at the bar.

It wasn’t until he called Allen again that he was convinced. The brat was about to do something among the lines of _sleeping with someone_ that wasn’t him. Specially as drunk as he sounded.

Yes, he was a jealous person. But it was only because Allen was that good-looking.

He recalled how it was when he was dating Alma, and his heart shrunk making everything hurt; acid over cotton. His fist closing under his chin.

Alma was pretty with a prettier soul, a sunflower that was made from the sun itself; but she never drew predators’ eyes like Allen did. And in any way, she only had eyes for him and only him. Allen looked to other places, to other things…to other people. And that rubbed him in the wrong place like poison ivy. Wherever the kid put his look or gave a smile…he would get it. He would have the world.

There was no one that could resist to that angelic smile and treacherous aura; it didn’t matter that Allen did it on purpose or not. Bad habits die hard, after all.

It just happened and he hated it.

It started with small things, like saying _“thank you”_ in that British accent to a handsome waiter or letting a particularly attractive schoolmate talk to him so close he could see the pale and few freckles he had here or there exclusively over the nose. Looking someone over the glasses he used when he helped restoring a painting and smiling, biting his lip when he listened to the assholes at that forgotten place he worked. Small things that grew inside him like belladonna, poisoning his thoughts until he couldn’t bare it.

Allen was **his** and no one else’s. They didn’t have the right to see him or to talk to him, let’s not talk about touching him. And he wouldn’t **allow** anyone else to have it. Not on his watch. He could see it didn’t matter anymore if they loved each other or not; but he once had a lover taken away from him…and he wouldn’t allow that to happen again.

The clouds passed under the wing of the plane, unnoticed while he was reflecting.

He had loved Alma with everything he had and doing so only destroyed him. So…why would he commit the same mistake with Allen? He didn’t want his boyfriend to see him vulnerable or broken. He didn’t want to let all what he worked to bury come back to life if he as much as talked about the issue.

Kanda dealt with things that way, leaving everything else at bay. Everything in control. And when everything wasn’t under his control…well…nothing was right at all.

“ _He was at a club. Of all places. A club. Is the Rabbit with him? I bet he didn’t answer because he is covering for him. Always messing in other people business. I bet he couldn’t say no to that face.”_

When he called Lenalee he was far beyond desperate. Try after try to contact either of them; a morning for him that arrived with the crankiness of not being able to sleep. Imaginary men parading into his house with his partner.

He knew Lenalee was sleeping, but the anger that boiled from his feet to his crown screamed against any remorse. And when she said she didn’t know where the two of them were or if they even were together well…that launch him into a rushed journey back to London.

And there he was, on a plane with a total stranger over his shoulder.

“ _At least they don’t drool.”_

Since he arrived around midnight on a weekday, the jetlag over him like a backpack; it was hell to get a car that accepted to take him to his flat from the London’s airport. And if that wasn’t enough, rain started to pour, mixed ice that made the driver go at the speed of a tranquilized dog, his questions a tiring and persistent intent to stablish a conversation.  

Yuu lastly arrived at three am to his house, the key soundless like the only good thing of that horrible voyage, a whole day passed since he had that dreadful conversation with his drunk boyfriend. Time an abstract concept that he didn’t understand anymore.

He didn’t try calling them at the plane, a respect for the rules one of the things that truly was iron branded on his customs. The idea was discarded when he landed, his apprehension scrunching his stomach like he was a student on a final he didn’t study for and will determine if he graduates or not.

It wasn’t that he was afraid of conflict, after all, he was a champion in martial arts…but getting robbed of what he owned…that punched the air out of his lungs.

 

Silence was the first thing that he noticed. His suspicions shifted like oil over colored water.

He knew Lavi for at least ten years and in those ten years, he learnt that every single time that he slept on a couch he snored like a huge, congested cat. That sound absent now. And as he walked into the place, he noticed also was the redhead from his assigned seat.

He let his bag fall onto the couch that his friend was supposed to be occupying; observing inquisitively that the lamp that was in the side table was broken on the floor. Its pieces scattered and untouched, the drawer badly closed and one of Lavi’s eyepatches on the arm of the sofa.

A break-in never entered his mind, a puzzled and disdained look that stopped him there for no more than five seconds, taking the piece of cloth like a clue of a crime he couldn’t pull together, with him.

Kanda kept walking; his steps inaudible as he reached for his bedroom. He opened the door, his heart beating slowly while he thought in how rare was for Allen to close it, the nightmares and his uneasiness to sleep alone restraining him to do so on a daily basis.

He crossed the frame, the silence starting to spook him in a superstitious way.

His eyes were already used to the dark, the two figures in his bed detailed like in plain sunlight.

 

When he left, he told Lavi he could take whatever he wanted from the house. Blankets, food, drinks, shampoo…nothing was off limits. Except Allen.

Yuu stared at the two sleep for longer than he intended, the image working on his mind and trying to click, two engines dented by the time, doing their toil with force and weight. He noticed that Lavi wasn’t wearing a shirt, his ridiculous muscles that were a wasted joke on a librarian, showing exactly like in Allen’s paintings of naked, winged men. He traced his look over his abs, the anger gyrating inside him; an extinguishing star that decides to explode in a nova that would cease every nearby life.

Allen was beside him, his head just below Lavi’s burly left arm. He had a smile on his pretty features and breathed rhythmically in dreams, something that he only remembered from the firsts months they slept together. Before he reverted to his taciturn behavior that only got worse with his work and the times his step-father called him.

His mouth started spitting the words before he realized it was him who was talking, the scene tainted in red at his eyes. Fury taking control of his body, his consciousness only a passenger of the conduit he became.

\- Well…isn’t this a lovely _picture-perfect_ situation? -  His voice waking him up as it cut into the dark. A curse hidden in the sarcasm that filled the room with a threat.

Lavi sat quickly on the bed, the nightmare of the night before coming back stronger. Making feel like he was in a damnation circle torture loop.

\- Yuu? – He whispered. A terrified look that Kanda wanted to erase from his face for the hypocrisy.

\- You surely are a piece of work, Lavi. – His arms were crossed, his hands sweating cold. His voice a steady, a bare sword ready to cut him into pieces.

The professor wondered if that was real and closed his eyes tight, only to open them again to the same picture. Slowly he got up from the bed, still careful to not wake up Allen, who remained peacefully nested between the sheets. Unaware of the danger that existed at less than ten steps from him.

_“Didn’t you say this was worth dying for? Time to pay the price for the broken plates, amigo.”_

\- Kanda listen… - He knew his friend didn’t like his name much, at least not after Alma. So, he played his cards close to his heart. –

\- All this time…all this time I thought you were taking care of him. And what do I find when I come home? My **best friend…** IN **MY** FUCKING BED WITH **MY** BOYFRIEND! – His tone was getting louder as the sentence evolved, and Lavi listened at Allen shift in his sleep. The tension skyrocketing inside him.

\- Kanda come on… - He whispered, trying keep everything quiet. – I just…let me explain it to you…-

\- EXPLAIN? That’s rich. – A crooked smile appeared in his usually stoic face, making the redhead flinch, knowing what it meant. He turned uneasy to watch Allen, which annoyed the other more. – Do you think I care about WAKING HIM UP? –

Higher the volume, Lavi with his hands up in a defense that only pleaded for Allen to be out of it; even when he knew it was impossible.

“ _Where did all your bravado go, bookman? Didn’t you want to tell him that Allen wasn’t his since he wanted you so bad?”_

The reason of the argument finally woke up, immediately clicking on the light on his nightstand; rubbing his eyes in an oversized top that Kanda recognized as Lavi’s missing shirt.

\- Lavi? – Was the first thing that departed his lips, only giving more fuel to the Japanese anger.

\- I think I need no further explanation, Junior. – Allen opened his eyes, facing him. Only fear and a revolting regret that Kanda hated intensely as it changed to a worried desperation when he turned to look for comfort in who was supposed to be **his** friend, not Allen’s.

\- Kanda, please… he has nothing to do with it, look at me. I was who… - He recognized the teacher tone, used to it because of his adoptive father. A skill to calm him down even in his worst times. The attempt to use it on him by someone who knew this, making him furious.

He refused to address him, his eyes fixated on Allen, noticing what the redhead meant to do. - …I took him to the club and…Yuu, look at me…- He tried to continue.

Lavi touched his arm, his sleeves up making the contact skin to skin. It burnt in the special way of the ice over a warm surface and pulled the last string that tied him to a civilized man. Destroying his composure.

It wasn’t fair, he knew it. Even if Lavi worked out, it was **nothing** compared to his years and years of training. But he didn’t care. His **_best friend_** **_fucked_** his **_boyfriend._** What he did was not only justified but needed.

Almost like an _obligation_.

In a flash he threw a punch to the taller. The fist directed to his face.

It hit him on the left cheek, the blow making a smacking noise that blended with the satisfaction of the fair skin of the other on his knuckles. As close as he was, he could listen to the crunching murmur that could pass unnoticeable to someone that didn’t pay attention to it; his years of expertise on fights letting him know what happened inside the redhead mouth that deserved such an exquisite sound. The mark that would leave, the pain it would cause.

Allen didn’t make a noise and that was what, beside hitting Lavi, he enjoyed most. He later would say he felt sorry about it, but it would be a lie.

The silver haired was just there, sitting on the bed, his eyes with an omen for tears, his eyebrows almost together, his lips parted in a distressed expression that moved in a precious slow motion. He didn’t get closer, he didn’t scream.

He just stared in the petrified disbelief of someone that can’t understand that he isn’t dreaming anymore.

\- That was nice. – He stated, shaking his hand from the impact. His friend on the floor, blood starting to pour out of his lips. Those same lips that tasted _his_ man.

He addressed him, cleaning his knuckles on his sweatshirt. Thinking about the cut he managed to do over the redhead’s skin as well as the wound that (now he was sure) existed inside his mouth.

Lavi was glaring at him, the back of his hand trying to clean the blood on his face, smearing it over his jaw. Two different eyes, like an alley cat, piercing him with a feeling he couldn’t recognize. One was green and one yellow; just like he recalled them to be the last time he saw them, back when they were eighteen.

Back when everything vanished.

There was no patch covering one of them, no hair dramatically over his right side, no twisted bandana to cover that profanity he hated with the intensity of a thousand suns.

Nothing was there, but his nude face.

His stare endured, the question popping slowly like a lazy soap bubble that took all the time in the world to form. Why was Junior looking at him with his two eyes? How he dared? That, until a whimper interrupted the delight the experience was being.

\- Lavi? – A shy and preoccupied tone now.

 

Tragedy, as Allen knew better than anyone, stroke at the most arbitrary times in life.

Regardless, it didn’t matter how many times he lived through it. It always found a new way to hunt him down. A damsel obsessed with the wrong man. In fact, at this point in his existence it was so recurrent, that whenever it arrived his mind would fast travel to odd, but familiar places. Places in which he found a brief solace, the eye of the hurricane as a defensive mechanism for him to keep living.

They were unimportant, almost insignificant things to think in the verge of misfortune; but for him were what attached him to a life where everything was ok. Wherever things had an order.

A routine.

And at that moment, when his heart threatened to brake by Kanda’s hand; gazing over a bloodied Lavi, his mind went quickly to his favorite painting that just hours before, he had the luck to see for himself at the museum.

One that had nothing in particular for him to love, except for the emotion it emanated.

 _“L'Ange Dechu, Alexandre Cabanel. Oil in Canvas, 1846.”_ His mind whispered where time never passed, keeping him breathing _. “From morn/ To noon he fell, from noon to dewy eve,/ A summer's day.”  
_ The expression of Lucifer overlapped in the face he kissed right before he slept. The face he loved. A controlled and deep temper that raised up, breaching the surface. Disconnecting from his recollections of an always smiling redhead. The other side of the coin that he never thought that existed.

It was a wave that pulled his name from the shore that was his essence. Trying to bring back the man he fell in love with; wasting a useless prayer for that to be a dream, that didn’t work and wasn’t listened.

Yuu only stopped at the staring contest with his high school classmate because of that whisper, his fleeting savory of gratification vanished. His pupil, indistinguishable from his iris, moving slowly towards him. Lavi’s unequal eyes not leaving his face, attentive to his actions.

\- Don’t worry, Snowflake. – He answered, the black eyes of Kanda immediately going back to him in a murderous stare that even when he knew he was wrong, he enjoyed. – I’m fine. Hell, even I can agree I deserved that. –

Spitted blood over the floor, his mouth with the metallic flavor disappearing as he kept bleeding; quickly getting used to the iron taste. He recognized the sensation of his feelings taking over him. The single thing his grandfather always asked him to avoid, the family name in the game.

Feelings a special brand of troublemaker’s drug.

Lavi understood why Yuu hit him and he indeed agreed it was the cheapest bill to pay for what he have done. He didn’t mind if it was for Allen.

His life was filled with riches, with stories, with experiences, with connections; but in all that time nothing was remotely similar to what he felt for him and if it took a punch to the face to love him, he would gladly receive it like the gentleman he was not.

It wasn’t the blow what had him so upset.

It was the look in Kanda’s face. It was that he arrived there, like he cared about Allen. Like he _loved_ him. It was all the things he made him pass through. The anxiety, the phone messages, the scene at the bar, the jealousy, the blame, the fear he submitted him through. He despised that he was there, like a prince in a shining armor, when the time he called him to take care of his boyfriend he actually called him “ _a bit of a slut”_. As if Allen was nothing more than that. A rogue child that needed discipline.

Nonetheless, his thoughts were his own and for the sake of Allen, he would keep them to himself.

\- He calls you “ _snowflake”?_ – Yuu said, his arms again crossed in defiance and superiority. – For what? To make you feel special? –

He sported a sneer that mocked the redhead as an answer to his comment. A fight that didn’t drag him yet was all about him being in the middle.

Allen got closer to the edge of the bed, finding his ability to move back; managing to make Lavi look at him for a quick split second in which his anger fell for his worry. Mouthing something he couldn’t decipher.

\- You have nothing special to him, Allen. You mean nothing to him. -The explanation in such an aggravated tone that made him weak in the bones. The few crumbs of confidence he had gathered, blown away. - Why would you? You are just a pretty face that doesn’t know when to draw the line when it’s about men. You just whore your way out in life, getting whatever you need from it. Just like you used to do with Cross. –

\- Hey, this is with me, not him. – The tallest called, still on the floor.

A knot created in his throat. Easy summon for his tears, that came out like a charm; Kanda’s speech hurting his frailest point.

\- Why won’t you tell Lavi? Your old man trained you well. With that face and that smile… Quick hands and quicker to say yes to whoever asked. Wasn’t that useful for rich imbeciles just like him? –

He gestured to the redhead, his voice sardonic and solid.

 

Kanda wasn’t good with feelings.

When he was a kid, he had troubles with them, but after what happened in his teenage years, everything was a mess that he hid with endless hours of training and ill-tempered answers to keep away everyone with a pinch of sense of self-preservation.

What he was doing to Allen right there, opening his mouth and letting out everything what achieved to intoxicate him, was the only way he knew to deal with the failure that he felt inside him. With the frustration of being mugged right under his nose.

Truth or half-truth. He didn’t care. The point was hurting him more than he was hurting. Whatever to feel ok again. To sooth the pain.

\- Stop…- Allen muttered with his tears flowing like rain over his reddened cheeks.

\- HEY! – An angrier call out that Yuu decided to ignore, knowing that he would still have some time until the other got on his feet.

\- Why? Because it’s true? Because you don’t want him to know who you really are? I think it’s a little late for that, considering that you already fuck him. It’s your responsibility that he is aware of what’s he is getting into. -He gave a step away from Lavi, who was trying to reach him. - I just want to know, did you get bored with me or it’s plainly for his money? Cause if it is…Believe me you hit the jackpot with him, Cross would be proud of you. Congratulations. –

Every blink just brought more tears, his visibility a fish tank. His arms dead at his sides, letting him at his luck with getting rid of the crying. A doll that was useless on a shelf.

Broken.

\- FUCK, Yuu! Stop that, this is between you and me! Leave him be! – Lavi tried to stand, a subtle dizziness that forced him to look for support for getting up. The sensation of being buzzed like few nights back scornful on his misery. His voice cracking, letting Kanda know how much time he had left before having to deal with him.

\- I can explain…Lavi…- He stopped, facing Allen. He was crying rivers, his lips trembling in a pain that pierced and unsheathe him without mercy; making him lose his ground in a frustrating attempt to run to his side. Instead, the redhead stared at him, the blood submerging again his mouth, whenever he talked draining the wound like an emergency flood contingency.

_“What?”_

His heart with a fissure that would end pulverizing it. A transform fault that shook with the force of a tsunami, questioning its integrity.

\- That isn’t true. I’m not like that…what I said…I meant everything I said to you! -

A sob that demolished him in a way that Kanda couldn’t help but take advantage of. He wasn’t trained to offer his hand, but to take the higher ground when he could.

And that was exactly what he was going to do.

He saw Lavi trying to say something, the blood flowing from his open lips. A cough that would take some precious seconds to recover of.

 _“I know.”_ Lavi thought, unable to respond.

\- You seem to replace your brain with your heart. -Yuu started again. His voice a tranquil and cold statement with no place for debate. - You take things so hard and then you fall apart. You try to explain, but before you can start, those crybaby tears come out of the dark. Do you think everything gets fixed with crying? Did that worked with your previous clients or this is a one time show since I was stupid enough to think we would be dating for real? –

He was closer to Allen now, and Lavi did the only thing he could think of, hating that he kept hurting the silver haired. So, he kicked him, slowly crawling by the wall the second after. Decided to stand. Having his attention even if it was nothing that hurt more than what Yuu did to him.

\- Shut the fuck up Kanda. – He muttered, spitting more blood onto the floor. The wall supporting his weight, pushing his hair back to try and set his steadiness right. The room starting to stop shuddering on his eyes.

His friend was already pissed, but having been caught with his guard low, Yuu decided it was enough chat; being able to prove his point in other, less creative, way. Infuriated.

\- What a rude mouth, Junior. Let me fix that for you, **_buddy._** We don’t want the old bookman listening to you talking like that. – The word dragging all the bitterness in his being, sarcasm the cherry on top.

His arm transformed into a spring of a trap, contracting only to reunite the necessary impulse to fully impact once again on Lavi’s face. A change of route that was a last second decision, ending on his right eye. The pain exploding like colorful stars that tickled even on his fingertips, the floor now cooling the skin that burned with the previous blow as it once again hugged him from his fall.

\- There you go. – He sighed. – Fixed. –

Kanda was about to leave it like that, but the redhead started moving again, his naked torso smudged in red like an abstract painting.

It was then when the beast that he kept years tamed with every resource he could put his hands on, broke his chains at watching him struggle to defy him again.

\- Why would you this to me, Lavi? – He got closer, his shoes making a viscous sound as he stepped on his blood. – I trusted you. I mean…I knew the beansprout would do this sooner or later…but you? –

He towered over him, Lavi’s groans of pain annoying him to no end as he saw him cover that stupid golden eye with his right hand.

\- You, Junior…that I forgave. -He sighed. - After what you did to Alma…and you come to **my** house…- A kick firm and pointed to his ribs that made him fall the few inches he was managing to lift himself. – to **my** bed…- Another that pulled out a louder complaint. The redhead staying down as he tried to protect his head with both arms. – …and **fuck** **my** boyfriend? Don’t you think that’s a little bit shitty? HUH, **FRIEND _?_** –

\- KANDA, STOP! – Cold hands that were holding his arm and pulling him backwards. A scream in a high-pitched voice that held all the agony in the universe, calling him. – STOP IT! – Even when he tried to shake him off, he gripped harder, trying to retain him. - You are going to kill him! Let him go! –

He slapped him away. A movement like a whip that crossed Allen on the cheek and the mouth, splitting his lip. A huge red mark that would settle with the rest of the ones he had on his neck; the back of Yuu’s hand getting wet with his tears.

\- Ho! You are defending him now! -Sarcasm was an understatement. Instead a disdainful venom that feigned endearment. - You want to protect him! –

Now cornered against the mattress, the silver haired held his cheek astonished. Yes, it wasn’t their first argument, but Kanda never once before raised his hand against him. Not to mention hitting him.

He looked at him scared, trying to make sure with nervous stares over the other side of the bed if Lavi was at least breathing, knowing how strong his boyfriend could be. A penitent life that lasted forever wouldn’t fit him enough for how he would feel if anything happened to him.

 - I’m sorry beansprout but that I won’t stand here to see…- A step towards him that brought memories of the man that took him in. An automatic response of protecting himself, retreating against the furniture.

\- I swear to god, man. You touch him and you are dead. – Lavi held him back, his arms twisted around his like a lock that lasted ten seconds. Kanda maneuvering out of it and letting Lavi fall on his back, in front of Allen. The air making bubbles as it tried to get out from his wounded cavity as he crashed the floor.

Kanda shook off the movement. The main fountain of his pain demanding to be named.

\- You killed Alma; you piece of shit! You killed her…you are just a monster. Don’t fucking put a hand on me like we were friends. –

A flashback that had Lenalee in the place of the librarian; holding him back so he wouldn’t keep trying to hurt Lavi, who was back then crying beside the open bathroom door of that police station. His hands covering his bleeding nose.

Now, Lavi opened his green eye to see Yuu. His body tired and swollen, his mind fighting with shreds of consciousness to not black out and protect Allen.

\- LAVI! LAVI, PLEASE…!-Allen’s voice was over him, near his face. His tears refreshing his hot skin but his sadness a broken glass that cut his remaining lucidity. – Say something to me, Lavi. – A murmur for him, no more.

His hands were shaking, afraid to touch him, tingling over his shoulder. The redhead moved his head to the sound, trying to let him know everything would be ok. 

\- I guess you deserve each other. A cheating whore and a lying murderer. Quite a pair. – The shortest pulled Lavi as he could on his lap, hugging him to shield him.

“ _Pieta, but with an angel…I think is from 1867 or something…I suck at art…”_ The redhead thought, the fight to stay awake getting harder, only his will to be there for Allen what pinned him on to awareness. _“I should’ve gone to the museum the first time the panda told me to. I would know more about it by now.”_

Irrational thoughts for irrational situations.

\- WHAT ON EARTH DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! – Allen’s voice gained and lost strength like an erratic upsurge on his disengaging ears.

\- Oh! He hasn’t told you either?! He killed the love of my life! That’s why he keeps using this stupid thing, - Kanda pulled the eyepatch that he picked up at the couch, throwing it at his chest. - to cover the shame of his failure! At least now you have another use for it, mh? I bet you will have to, with that black eye. –

Allen held to him so strong he was starting to hurt him, but he didn’t mind. His screams danced like fireflies on the water, barely touching the exterior of his mind.

\- EXPLAIN YOURSELF! – He could listen how hard he was crying, his body vibrating as his lips moved. Words an abstract senseless mess. The bleeding continued, occupying his mouth and involuntary spilling down his neck, staining the pajama that Allen wore, so close to his chest that he was held and over his lap is dripped.

\- Nah. -Yuu shrugged. - Let him tell you. I’m sure it will be quite the story. If he can talk, that’s it. I wasted enough time with you two. –

He rotated on his heels to the door, like he was just there to deliver some wrongly addressed mail to them. He picked up his bag from the couch as he gave long steps to the exit, slamming the door in his way out.

 

Allen was shaking more than a scared lap dog, trying to contain his tears as he tried to convince himself to move from his protective hug over Lavi.

\- Lavi…- He called for him; his voice shattered. – Lavi, don’t fall asleep on me. Ok, handsome? I need you awake, please? -No response. - Junior? –

He listened to his name, the nickname of _Junior_ evoking painful times and family reprimands.

\- Don’t call me that Snowflake. – He responded in a croak that let out another red puddle. – Not with that pretty mouth of yours. –

\- Ok, that’s ok. – His smile was filled with worries and Lavi tried to imagine how bad it was for someone that worked in a bar that all the time had fights, look at him like that. – But if you really want that I need you to stay awake, yes? For me? –

\- For you? – He reached his cheek, the same that Kanda hit, with his stained hand. Allen leaning to his touch, his hand over Lavi’s to keep him there. – Anything. –

The youngest of the pair losing the fight to his weeping, nodding as he remembered the first time, he told him that, right outside the door of that apartment. The second day he stayed there.

\- You are so stupid… - He cried, a sad laugh and a smile that tried and failed to reassure him. – Just…just don’t die, Lavi. – Completing their phrase, following the memory, Allen broke again in a sob. Grasping what he said. – Please don’t die, you can’t leave me like this. I’ll chase your sorry ass to hell if I must, you have something of mine…-

Lavi laugh a crimson bubble that disappeared on his upper lip.

\- That’s terrible. What is that? –

\- My heart. –

 

It was almost six in the morning, one of the longest campaigns they held. Eighteen hours of a quest for the lost weapon of Innocence, the heart of all battles.

Characters sheets on the floor, pencils everywhere, tall drawings and models of how it would be around the table and dispersed around the apartment between countless props.

\- If you throw something less than a fifteen, we are screwed. I just wanted you to know that. –

\- Wow, no pressure at all. Thanks dude. –

A light that shined in red and then purple, pulsing without a sound that could fight the epic soundtrack for their epic journey that rumbled over it.

\- Guys? – The shortest pointed. – Isn’t that the Level Four alarm? –

The whole party raised their eyes to the source of the light.

\- What the…? –

Reever’s lollipop stick danced on his teeth, getting to the speaker, setting down the volume.

A muffled hit that barely passed through the carpeted walls.

\- It’s your castle, sir, you get the door. – Said an ash-blond man with a makeup eye on his forehead and a colorful striped headscarf, breaking their unanimous silence. A poker face while he drank his tea.

\- Ah, great. Awesome. I hope your squad rolls a three. – Johnny walked, putting his apology expression to excuse the sound that, even when he knew it was impossible to hear, the neighbors would be complaining about. The twins that accompanied Wisely screaming at him to throw the dice. –

He opened the door, the pounding louder. As if someone wanted to take it down.

\- I’m so sorry I know its…Allen?! –

Not even the most bizarre of his plots as a Dungeon Master would prepare him for the sight.

His neighbor, the kind, gentle and almost shy Allen Walker was at his front door; his cheek with a red stripe that crossed the opposite side of his peculiar scar that, in his opinion was pretty cool, shaped like a star and all. He was crying, his hair, longer, now that he was seeing it untied, a mess; his eyes surrounded by a sick red ring. His lower lip open by a wound that seemed to stop bleeding a moment ago, his hands in front of him shaking; stained by a deep red substance as well as the incredible big pajama shirt he wore, that reached three fingers above his knees, like a short dress. As he stood there, barefoot and panting.

\- Johnny, thank heavens! Johnny I’m sorry to wake you I need help…I…well…something happened over my place and…I need help to get someone into a car…and… - A frantic talking that left him shocked as in unfolded.

The first thing that crossed his mind was that he was a vampire.

The second was that he accidentally murdered that impolite boyfriend he had, and he needed help disposing the body on a nearby trash tank.

\- Yes, of course. – He said, pushing his glasses closer to his face. Either way was fine.

He followed Allen to his flat; a really tall redhead over a small puddle of blood on the floor, shirtless; his neighbor running to his side to lovingly raise his head. Creating questions that he would store at the back of his mind until it was time for him to ask them.

\- Lavi, babe? You promised you wouldn’t fall asleep. – Gentle pats on the stranger cheek to wake him up. - My friend Johnny is going to help us get you down to your car, ok? –

\- Thanks, Johnny… - The man mumbled, his head now resting at Allen’s chest. Whom held him like he was his own lifeline and a precious but fragile crystal, petting his hair carefully. Making Johnny’s heart melt, always weak for some romance.

\- I’ll get some of my crew! –

 

The trip to the elevator was complicated but getting him in the passenger’s seat of the Maserati, a car designed to show off and be beautiful, was harder. They struggled what seemed to be hours for Allen; his adrenaline making him dance at the edge of the breakdown. Johnny and the rest of the team not letting him help carrying Lavi, as his hands still shook, and he was obviously far beyond tired.

\- There he goes. – Reever said, picking another lollipop to replace the one he dropped before.

As soon as the door was closed Allen jumped on the driver seat, immediately turning on the car. A purring sound from the engine that screamed it was time to go.

\- Allen, do you know how to drive? –

Without an answer the silver haired speeded into the dark, the morning refusing to arrive. His nerves making him hold with all his strength to the starring wheel, not really a fan for driving.

\- I guess he does. – Mumbled Tup, observing Wisely inspect a stain on his favorite shirt.

 

Allen observed Lavi laying on the reclined seat, his eyes stopping a second on the port as he waited for the phone to charge so he could call Lenalee again.

 

Before stomping at Johnny’s door, he grabbed the phone and thanked for his memory as he dialed Lenalee’s number.

- _Where the fuck have you been? –_ She answered in the second ring. Her words out of her teeth in a stress that was only comparable to a mother’s.

\- Lenalee, I need help. – He tried to breathe, remembering that once that he took a first aid course. The only thing he was capable of doing calling the emergencies services, or simple things that didn’t involve someone slowly blacking out.

_“Calm down. Calm down so she can understand you.”_

\-   _…What happened? Are you crying? –_ On the other side of the line, his friend paled, standing up her seat.

\- Listen, Kanda arrived tonight…and…and I was with Lavi…and he walk on us sleeping together…- It was hard trying to summarize his night.

- _Oh, Allen…-_ She didn’t want to say “ _I told you guys so”_ but she did.

\- And…And we had a fight and he said things… and then he punched Lavi and he hurt him… - His voice deteriorated again into wrecked pieces of sobbing. The calm he conjured abandoning him. - And I don’t know what to do, Lena, please, **please** I need help I don’t want him to die. –

 _\- Allen. Allen, I need you to calm down ok? If you get like this, we can’t help Lavi. -_ Her voice steady and sister-like. Allen feeling like she was already there with him. – _I’m going to ask you a few questions, can you answer that? –_

 _-_ I think so…- Lavi then coughed, resting against the mattress. Making him start biting his own thumb. The phone held by his shoulder as he used his other hand to push Lavi’s hair out if his face, trying to clean him with his sleeve. – I don’t want him to die Lena, he… -

\- _Lavi is not going to die, Allen. -_ She interrupted, a faint urgency in her caring words.- _I promise you. He is too stupid for that. –_

 _-_ That’s true…- A laugh that held him together. He could feel her smile on the other side, satisfied.

\- _Great. Now, do you have yours or Lavi’s phone close by? So you can leave the house with them and keep talking to me. –_

 _-_ I don’t know where mine is and Lavi’s…- A reflection near the corner of the bed, the phone under it where Lavi took off his jeans the night they messed everything up. He pressed on the blocking button, a red flashing battery appearing. – Uh… it’s out of battery. –

- _It’s ok, Lavi has an emergency charger in his car. He has one ever since high school. Take it with you and charge it in there, then call me. –_

 _-_ Don’t hang up on me Lena! I still don’t know what to do, **please**! –

\- _I’m not going to. Don’t worry._ -After he breathe, she continued. - _Tell me now, from where is he bleeding? The head? –_

 _-_ He…uh… Yuu punched him in the face and he started bleeding from the mouth. – The image engraved on his mind.

- _Ok, I know it looks like a slasher movie, but it’s most likely he just torn the inner wall of his mouth. It’s not that bad, don’t worry. It’s like he bit himself, ok? Is there anybody that can help you get him down so you can drive to the nearest hospital? –_

 _-_ I… I think a neighbor… -

\- _Excellent! I know you don’t want to leave Lavi alone, but it will be just a second. I’ll wait on the line. –_

 

\- I can’t believe you look so beautiful even like this. I might rethink my take on fights. – Allen was speeding, the snow making it hard to drive. He raised his eyebrows, pushing again for the phone to turn on. A welcoming screen finally on it.

\- Please don’t. – He thought in how he told the redhead he was good pleading, and how this wasn’t what he meant. – I think you must be hallucinating if you are hitting on me right now. – A quick turn to the left that elevated the car a little. - We are almost there, Lavi. Don’t black out on me. –

\- Why? It’s true. Am I still handsome? – Allen smiled, still afflicted. Noticing how he chose not to answer his petition. – I hope so, because damn this really hurts, and I can’t afford losing you now. – A laugh that converted in a cough as he swallowed. – I don’t think I can pull out another fight like that any time soon, to impress you, either. -

\- You are still handsome, stupid jerk. – He touched over Lenalee’s name. The dialing sound on the car speakers, then a clicking. – Lena? I’m parking on Hevlaska’s Hospital. Lavi’s still awake and…-

\- Hi Lena, don’t say you told me so… -

- _Hi dork, I see you are just scaring Allen, since you can talk. And I’m going to punch you as well for that. We’ll see you there Allen! –_ Two beeps and the call was over. Allen took the phone, the car cooling, stopped at the entry He opened the door as a crew of paramedics reached there in no time, taking the man he loved most through the crystal doors in a hospital gurney.

\- Sir? I’m going to need to ask you some data…? – A blond young woman with pink plumps lips and twin pigtails called him, her uniform giving her away as a nurse.

\- Yes! Of course, I just… That’s my…my…-

“ _Friend? Lover? Mistake? Partner? Love of your life? Think quick.”_

\- …Can I at least park the car, miss? –

\- Eliade. – She introduced herself. – I’ll wait for you right here. –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!  
> I am very nervous as I post this chapter, I really hope it was what you expected.  
> I know it won't be for the liking of some of you, but this was what my story was build for. Crybaby is honestly a difficult chapter for me, as I know everything will reach its peak here. Its the climax, I guess.  
> I never wrote a fighting scene before and I had to check a thousand times for everything to make sense.  
> At least, if you didn't like it much I just want you to know I did my best. I researched on wounds, effects, classes, music, paitings, drama, poems,Dungeons and Dragons, FLIGHT HOURS (this maths drove me mad for like a week) and a ton of other things so this would fit perfectly with the rest of the story.  
> I also want to say, this guys are tailored to be the most human-like I could. And when there is no trust in a relationship people will always end hurt.  
> I honestly hope you stick with me until the very end, and if you have anything to say I wil be more than glad to read you guys.
> 
> Remember, even if this story is for me, I'm really happy to read you, to see how you like this, your kudos or shares. I'm happy to even know you gave this tale a chance. 
> 
> Sorry to not upload sooner! The topic really made me nervous on your reactions. So..here we go! Thank you all!


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